'AITA because I didn’t invite my father to my wedding because years ago he told me I was no longer part of his family?'
"AITA because I didn’t invite my father to my wedding because years ago he told me I was no longer part of his family?"
SwordCat_
I'm 28F and will be getting married next month. I didn’t invite my father to the wedding, but now he's trying to get in touch. I think I need to explain the context, because it all started when I was 6 years old, when my parents got divorced after my dad cheated on my mom with my stepmother.
After that, I spent most of my time with my mom, but during holidays and vacations, I stayed with my dad. When I was 8, my half-brother Jake (20M) was born, and whenever I was with my dad, I was forced to take care of him.
When I started high school, I had to move in with my dad because my mom had to move abroad for work. This period was one of the hardest of my life. My stepmother wasn’t a bad person; she tried to include me in things, but she was very submissive to my father.
As for my dad, he always treated me like an "extra" in the house, someone who didn’t really belong there. I was constantly responsible for taking care of Jake, and whenever he went out, he would only take my stepmother and Jake, never inviting me.
One of the most painful experiences happened when I was 14. My dad announced that the whole family was going to Disney for vacation, but the day before the trip, he told me that he wanted it to be a “family moment,” their first big trip with Jake.
So, I was left home alone. This had already become a pattern—trips to the beach, zoos, or other outings always included just my stepmother and Jake while I was left behind.
My dad didn’t like me going out with friends or inviting them over. He said, “teenagers together only cause trouble,” and because he was controlling, he would call the house phone at random times to check if I was home. He also had a trusted neighbor who would keep an eye on me to make sure I didn’t have any visitors.
When I turned 16, living with him, the feeling of being an "extra" only got worse. Everything I had experienced during vacations—the exclusion and sense of abandonment—became part of my daily life. Things came to a head when I turned 18.
My dad got a promotion at work and decided to take a "family" trip to Europe. Since it was my last year of high school, I was excited, thinking I’d finally be included. But then he told me he didn’t have enough money for a trip for four, so it would just be to celebrate Jake’s 10th birthday. I had to stay home.
That’s when I snapped. I told him he was being unfair and that he shouldn’t have given me false hope. I explained how I’d felt over the past years, and he called me ungrateful and spoiled, saying that I lived with him rent-free (which was a lie since my mom sent money to support me and I did all the housework because both he and my stepmother worked late).
The argument escalated, and he kicked me out of the house, saying I was no longer part of the family and not even his daughter. He literally threw me out and tossed my things onto the sidewalk.
Luckily, a friend lived nearby, and I stayed at her place that night. The next day, I went back to see if my dad had calmed down, but I found my things still on the sidewalk, and some even in the trash.
My stepmother had kindly saved a few items for me and handed them over. After that, my dad never reached out, except to call and yell at me a month later when my mom stopped sending him money for my expenses.
A few months later, I got into an engineering program in another state, where I met my now-fiancé, Mark (29M). He was a senior, and we soon connected, realizing we had a lot in common. We started dating, graduated, and now work in the same field, though at different companies.
A few months ago, Mark proposed, and I happily said yes. I have social media, but I rarely use it—I’ve had Instagram for about six years but haven’t even posted 10 pictures.
I think one of my relatives must have told my dad about the wedding because, about a month after I accepted the proposal, he reached out to me through Instagram, saying he was excited to help with the wedding.
I was surprised, both that he had messaged me and that he genuinely thought he would walk me down the aisle. I responded, saying he wouldn’t be walking me down the aisle because my stepfather would, and that the wedding would be small, just for my close family. After that, I blocked him.
After blocking him (and inspired by reading Reddit stories), I expected calls, messages, and even letters full of insults like “ungrateful” or “spoiled.” However, the only thing I received was a letter delivered by Jake (yes, we still have contact). In the letter, my father expressed how sorry he was.
I won’t copy the exact words, but to summarize: he said that after kicking me out, he lived a normal life with my stepmother and Jake. But when he saw pictures of my graduation with my mom and stepfather, he started feeling regret.
He wanted to talk to me, but his pride held him back. He only decided to reach out now because he realized that his pride got him nowhere and that he wanted to fulfill one of the plans he made when I was born: to pay for my wedding and walk me down the aisle.
Honestly, I don’t know what to do. I’ve moved on with my life, and his attempt at redemption after so many years feels a bit too convenient. AITA for not wanting to include my dad in my wedding despite his apology?
Note: My stepfather is an amazing person; he always goes out of his way to include me in everything, and my stepsisters are wonderful as well. When he found out that my father hadn’t taken me to Disney, he planned a trip for the next holiday and took me, along with my mother and sisters. This and a thousand other reasons why I want to walk down the aisle with him.
Edit 1: People are asking why my mom and stepfather left me with my dad and what their jobs are. My mom works as a programmer and managed to get a job abroad.
She thought it was best to accept it, especially since she wanted to save up a good amount of money to cover college expenses and for the future. My stepfather is a researcher and was doing his postdoctoral work at the time.
The first person to talk to me was my older sister (stepsister). Two days after I was kicked out, she came to see me and even stayed for a few days (which I can barely remember because I was just crying).
But I didn't move in with her because she lives in another state, and I was almost done with classes and final exams. So, my friend (and bridesmaid) let me stay at her house. Her parents helped me gather my things and even set up the guest room for me.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
phyrsis
NTA. Your sperm donor gets to live with the consequences of his own actions.
SwordCat_ (OP)
I liked this word "sperm donor".
Yes, he'll reap what he sowed.
HereComesTheSun000
NTA he isn't remorseful he's jealous and has his nose out of joint that another man will be taking what he sees as center stage and his actual role of worst father will be exposed without you needing to say a single word to guests or on SM. Sod him, have a wonderful wedding and a happy marriage!
cutie_Kasey
You’re absolutely NTA. Your dad made his choices and completely shut you out for years, treating you like an outsider in his own family. Now that he wants to play the 'dad' card because you’re getting married, it feels more like a convenient afterthought than genuine remorse.
You’ve built a loving and supportive family with your mom and stepfather, who actually care about you. It’s totally valid to want them by your side on such a significant day. Your happiness matters, and you deserve to celebrate with those who truly appreciate you.
Turmeric_Ping
NTA. Your bio father's regrets are his problem, not yours. Your real father, your stepfather, the man who treated you as a father should, is the one who should walk you down the aisle. That other guy is just a bad memory to put behind you.