'AITA for refusing to send brother the texts between me and his baby's mom?' UPDATED

"WIBTA if I didn't send my brother the texts between me and his baby's mom?"

Context: My (27f) brother (23M) Kevin had a kid with someone he wasn't in a serious relationship with, we'll call her Nazz. The baby is 7 months old now and Kevin has made the choice to not be in his child's life. Originally our mother was in contact with Nazz fairly regularly but she's stopped due to her own family issues.

I originally kept all my thoughts to myself because I dont care for babies or children and my brother and I really don't talk much. But I did reach out to Nazz with my mother's help after encountering a story online that was shockingly close to my predicament.

So I sent her an apology for not reaching out sooner and she gave me her side of the story and a sharp declaration that if I was flaky to not bother. Also some really personal details that shocked me, since my brother hasn't told me anything directly and all the information I have was second hand from my mom.

She seems like a fine person in all and now she's given me a bunch of pictures and videos of the baby (yey 😒). So far we've just kinda make idle conversation.

Now the part where I know I am the @$$hole is I (accidentally) showed my mom our texts, not out of malice, I hadn't opened the message yet cause I was preparing for a home visit from my health coordinator. My mom's my nurse and I gave her my phone to check it. As I said Nazz went pretty in depth with her story and I guess that contradicted what she told my mom. I'm not clear on that.

But my mom then told my brother I guess because I got a call from him which was overall very pleasant but out of nowhere, cause he never really responded to the other texts I've sent. We chatted for an hour but before I hung up and he asked for the screenshots of me and Nazz's conversation. I hesitantly agreed in the moment.

But now the next day, today, I'm thinking more about this and I think it would be wrong to send it to him. Aside from the fact of privacy and all that. I reached out to build a bridge between her, I and baby and to do this would break that already flimsy trust. Also there'd be no anonymity since I'm sure Kevin will confront Nazz with what I send him, even though currently they're not speaking.

But then I think will Kevin become even colder to me if I don't send the screenshots since I did say I said I would. Obviously I can't talk to my mom about this and my therapist is on vacation so I turn to the internet in hopes you'll give me some sound advice/guidance. Should I send the screenshots to my brother, or should I not?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

LadyScoob11 said:

While this is purposefully vague, it does make it hard to give good sound advice. Maybe reach out to your brother and explain that you’ve thought about it and want to respect Nazz’s trust in you, and sending screenshots feels like violating that trust.

If he really wants to know what’s going on, then encourage him to reach out himself. You could also reach out to Nazz and explain the situation and that you want to be respectful of her, and ask how she would like you to proceed.

OP responded:

I was thinking that, I was gonna tell him that if he wanted to know he should talk to her. I don't really want to be in their issues

primadiamonds said:

Sending the screen shots would only cause more drama. I say don’t do it, especially since your brother doesn’t want to be a father to his child. YWBTA.

Geeezzzz-Louise said:

Yea….best to stay out of “she said he said” situation. You’re an adult. Tell your brother you’ve changed your mind. Keep your business to yourself from now on.

And snafuminder said:

You have forged a separate relationship with her with good faith on both sides. Imo, this is completely separate from your brother and whatever his issues may be. Tell brother you made a mistake agreeing to share and on further consideration do not want to be involved in their relationship in any way. He's the one who chose to check out. You chose to check in. YWNBTA.

She has since shared this update:

I had a call with my mom yesterday and explained my stance on the matter of not being a middle ground between my brother and Nazz. She's was standoffish during the call, I get the feeling she thinks I'm taking sides when I clearly explained that I'm on neither sides and I think they both are making the worst choices.

She's annoyed that Nazz is causing a rift in her family, she thinks she's dumb and attention seeking, I refuted; the rift between me and Kevin already existed because of his lack of communication and only reaching out when he needs something.

And if Nazz's side of the story is untrue it's the only telling of the story I have because Kevin hasn't told me anything. My mom attempted to clear up the story, forgive me I'm paraphrasing.

Kevin and Nazz weren't in an official relationship with each other to begin with and Kevin never wanted anything more with her. So when she told him that she was pregnant, Kevin did not want her to keep it. She insisted she was keeping it and didn't need anything from him. My brother would later move to a new state for work that was already in motion before this whole situation.

My mother would reach out to Nazz and they would talk after the baby was born. Nazz sent her pictures and videos and FaceTimes with her and my ma occasionally sent her money for baby stuff. Mom stopped all contact rather recently after her estranged parent died. My mom said when Kevin reached out sometime after the baby was born and Nazz threw in his face that he didn't want to be a father.

Which is true. I guess my mom doesn't think that's a big deal and is saying that Nazz is being contradictory because shes holding that against Kevin. A part I didn't understand because she's holding her position that she doesn't want his help in the baby's life.

When I pointed that out she kinda shut down on me and stop replying and I changed the subject because when she gets like this there's no constructive outcomes.

I also texted Kevin, telling him I wouldn't send the screenshots but said I wouldn't keep any secrets regarding him specifically away from him if they come up, so far our conversations have mostly circled around the baby's milestones and her birthing story (my own personal hell but I digress). I left it open if he wanted to talk if listen with no judgement. He, true to form, left me on seen.