'AITA for backing out of a vacation a the 'last minute'?' UPDATED
"AITA for backing out of a vacation a the 'last minute'?"
I (27F) and three friends made a last minute plan to go to the mountains this weekend. Our group is a couple, let’s call them Jay (27F) and Sam (32F) and two single friends, me and Alex (26M).
We actually found a good Airbnb at first. It had two bedrooms, one with a king bed, and one with two single beds. Alex and I were totally fine sharing the second room as long as we had our own bed. But Jay kept saying that she wanted a pool.
This is a short, two day trip and we’re staying just one night. I really didn’t see why a pool was a big deal. We kept going back and forth trying to decide and the place got booked by someone else.
After that, the only places we could find had just one bedroom, a pull out couch, and an air mattress. Alex is recovering from an injury, so of course he shouldn’t be on the air mattress. The couple immediately said they wanted the bedroom, but they’re not offering to pay more for it. That leaves me with the air mattress.
Jay and Sam both don’t have a driver’s license, and Alex can’t drive right now because of his injury. So I’m the only one who can drive us there and back. On top of that, I’m also the only one who has to work on Monday.
I really don’t want to be the one driving for hours, sleeping on an air mattress, and then dragging myself to work the next day all tired and sore. I genuinely hate sleeping on an air mattress! I always sleep like garbage and it just hurts my neck.
So, I told them I was backing out. I told them that if they really want to do a trip like this, they need to plan it better so that everyone is comfortable. Alex and Sam seemed to understand, but Jay got annoyed.
She said I was being a party pooper, that I was being selfish, and that I was ruining the weekend. She told me I should just adjust so we could all have fun. For a moment, I really did think I was overreacting cause it’s just one night, and going to the mountains would be super fun.
But honestly, it doesn’t feel fair that I have the worst sleeping arrangement, and still get labeled as the problem. So, AITA for backing out “last minute” because I didn’t want to sleep on an air mattress?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Thats legit terrible. Everyone pays the same price but you get the worst bed option and are the designated driver? Nah. They’re just mad because they can’t do any of this without you, but not appreciating the extra effort on your part. NTA.
Have them sleep on the air mattress, you get the bed. Seems only fair since you are driving and have to work Monday.
NTA - perfectly reasonable to want an actual bed when youre paying for it.
NTA. Jay was the party pooper demanding somewhere with a pool instead of accepting somewhere that everybody has an actual bed.
They weren't going to pitch in for gas, either, were they? The 2 people who cant drive, trying to call the shots on a road trip is low key hilarious. Tell them to either quit being bums, or to quit being selfish pricks.
NTA. Jay thought it was more important for her to have a pool than for you to have a bed. That shows what kind of person they are. And on top of that to call you the selfish one!
Jay ruined the plans. Remind her you all had beds before she demanded a pool. You were clear from the beginning about wanting a bed. NTA.
NTA. I’d just laugh and say “no, being selfish is demanding a pool and then demanding that you be the one to sleep in an actual bed with no consideration to the other people also going on the trip.”
NTA. Your comfort matters just as much as theirs. Remember, lack of planning on their part doesn't constitute an emergency on yours.
It’s cute that your selfish friend is calling other people selfish because they won’t treat her like a princess at their expense. And by cute I mean pathetic.
If she wants you there so bad so you can drive them all there just tell them the bedroom is yours full stop. If she can't "adjust" then back out as planned. No adult enjoys sleeping on an air mattress and Jay knows this which is why she's fine with it when it's not her sleeping on it. Watch how fast those feelings change when you inform her thats where she'll be sleeping or you won't be coming.
NTA I had a “friend” who insisted we drive 3 hours to a show and back the same night, didn’t want to stay an extra day or two to do things in that city and make the drive worth it for me, which we’d initially discussed when I agreed to the trip. We definitely had to take my car. I backed out and I’m so glad I did; I felt pretty used honestly because she expected that I’d do that. You’ll be so relieved you backed out.
NTA. The one who caused the beds to be lost with their insistence of a pool. Forfeits the right to the only bed. They can share the air mattress. If there is only one bed. It goes to the driver or the injured.
NTA. Jay insisted on a pool, which created terrible sleeping arrangements, so she should get the air mattress. I skipped a family reunion because I was going to have to sleep on the couch because I was a single adult. The couples and children were given real beds. Nope! See ya.
5 days later OP came back with this update:
Thanks to everyone who replied to my original post. Your responses really helped me feel like I wasn’t crazy for feeling frustrated. Unfortunately, I had to go on the trip because I couldn't cancel the Airbnb. Now that the trip is (finally) over, I wanted to post a quick update.
For a bit more context, I moved to a new city last year and I’ve been friends with these people for a little over a year. So I haven't known these people for a very long time. But we’ve gone out drinking, grabbed food, gone to the movies a few times. They’ve always seemed pretty chill, which is why I thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea to do a short trip with them. Turns out, I was very wrong.
Now onto the actual update. I had already booked everything before the whole sleeping arrangement argument (my bad, I know I know. I just had to do it quickly because it was the 4th of July weekend) The Airbnb, the gondola tickets, shuttle tickets, even prepaid parking.
After realizing the Airbnb couldn’t be canceled, I figured I’d just go anyway. I even messaged the host to ask if she could help us with another mattress or something. She said the pull out couch would be big enough for two people and just looked small in the photos. At that point, Sam and Jay still wouldn’t budge, so I told myself I’d just suck it up and deal with it for one night.
We were supposed to leave early Saturday morning. They were supposed to show up at my place by 5:30am so we could leave by 6. All of them only reached around 7:15-7:30 so we ended up starting the drive late. We only got to the town around 1 PM. Then they took two hours to eat lunch and because of that, we missed our shuttle to the gondola.
When I suggested we just do a short hike instead, they said they were too tired and just wanted to get drinks at the local bar. Since I refused to drive them to the bar, they got it delivered. And they stayed up drinking on the couch (aka my bed for the night) and didn’t let me sleep until 2am.
They got absolutely wasted and told me they weren’t going to the lake the next morning and then passed out on the couch/floor (I did get the bed but at what cost lol) I woke up at around 7am to cancel our shuttle tickets and started cleaning up the Airbnb before our 11am checkout.
They didn’t wake up until 10:30, and I had to beg them to get dressed so we could check out on time. I was so done at this point, so I drove them all back to Alex's place and went home. So we did absolutely nothing on the trip except take a 16 min gondola ride up and down a mountain.
No one has paid me back for anything. Not for the Airbnb, not for the gas, not even for the tickets. You were all right. I was just the driver and just someone who helped make their trip cheaper. I don’t think I’m going to be hanging out with these people anymore. I’ll wait to get my money back (if I ever do) and then I’m done.
It feels kind of sad because these were some of the first friends I made since moving to this city, but honestly? life’s too short to spend time around selfish, inconsiderate people. Deep down, I already knew this trip would be a mess, but I had to learn it the hard way I guess. Hopefully next time I’ll spot people like this a little earlier. Lesson learned!
EDIT : Sam and Alex just sent me their share. Jay still hasn’t, but Sam said she’ll cover for her if she doesn’t pay by Saturday. I’ve been going through all your comments and yeah… I was definitely being a doormat.
They’ve never acted like this before, so I didn’t see it coming. I’ve never really been surrounded by “friends” like this or I’ve always managed to cut them off before it got this bad. I’m definitely going to stand up for myself more from now on. Thanks guys!