'AITA for refusing to host family gatherings because I’m tired of always being the responsible one?'
"AITA for refusing to host family gatherings because I’m tired of always being the responsible one?"
My partner and I bought our first home, we don’t have children and we don’t plan too and we both earn well. Our home has 3 bedrooms and is huge. We have a massive kitchen and living room area and the backyard is massive too.
I used to bartend so naturally as soon as my partner and I bought our home I suggested we host Thanksgiving last year. While I enjoyed hosting, it’s become a significant burden—both financially and time wise.
Since we are DINKS it seems the expectation is we host. For the past year, we’ve been the one hosting all family gatherings, after Thanksgiving we hosted Christmas and my mom’s birthday.
We had to hire cleaners after all 3 events and only a few family members chipped in. I recently told my family that I won’t be hosting anymore and suggested that we rotate responsibilities or meet at a restaurant instead since they want us to host Thanksgiving again.
Some family members are upset because we are having to split over multiple houses and some family live out of state but given were we live it was easy for everyone to meet. I feel like it’s time for others to share the load, but now I’m being seen as the difficult one. AITA for refusing to host?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
StAlvis said:
NTA. What in the world are these guests doing to your poor home that you need to hire cleaners afterwards? Are people at least bringing dishes with them, or expecting you to cater everything, too?
BreakingUp47 said:
NTA. Go on a cruise over the holidays. That's what my wife and I do.
demonofsarila said:
NTA rotating to everyone's house is normal, what? I mean I've been to some family gatherings where it's always sort of the head of the family that hosts, but they're the oldest and have the most money and just rent out a place for everyone on their own free will.
If you don't want to host a party you don't have to host a party, it's your house. I mean I wouldn't expect to never ever host again, but yeah there's nothing wrong with sharing, or like you said going out to a restaurant or other public venue.
ninjastarkid said:
NTA that’s why you never overstay your welcome and always be the best guests. I can’t imagine hiring a cleaner for after a family party.
pingusloth said:
NTA. Rotating and offering to do it SOMETIMES is completely fair.
Fun-Yellow-6576 said:
NTA. It’s easier for THEM if you host and they are upset now that the responsibility falls on them.
NTA. I’d say you are long overdue for a Thanksgiving or Christmas vacation where you will not be available to host. Changing the locks before and cameras precautionary is not a bad idea.
dishonestlake OP:
We are tempted now. I don’t even care about being invited anymore given how hostile some family members have acted towards me. I genuinely didn’t mind hosting at first because my partner isn’t close to his family and he liked my family getting all together and including him.