"AITA for disagreeing that I always need to be right?"
Something my partner mentioned to me a while ago that was annoying her was apparently me "always needing to be right". She said it was getting to her and I said I'd look at it and try to work on it.
I asked if she could give any examples and she said it can be things like if she was talking about something that was in the news, I'd mention my viewpoint.
Another example she gave was when we went away for a night last month we were at a restaurant and we needed to be at a cocktail bar quite quickly to make our reservation as I’d paid quite a large deposit. I mentioned which way would be quickest to walk and my girlfriend suggested an alternative that she said would be better.
The alternative was a longer route which I mentioned to her since it would mean we’d lose our deposit and she got annoyed. I used google maps to show her but she still was annoyed.
For a while I believed that it was me causing the issue but then I thought that if this was such an issue, more people would have brought it up to me but it has only been my gf so I asked some of my oldest friends who I trust to be honest and they said they haven't noticed it before and I asked the same of some relatives and they said the same.
Last night we were sat with the balcony door open and it was windy and the wind was slamming the door into the metal railings. I was in the kitchen and I shouted through to ask her to close the door since it is mainly glass so I don't want it to shatter. My girlfriend said no and to leave it.
I closed the door and all she said was "there you go again, needing to be right". I explained that I didn't want the door to break since it's not our apartment so we'd lose our security deposit.
I said she can't get annoyed when I am actually right about something.
I mentioned that I think the actual problem is her not being able to accept people not just agreeing with her all the time and not being able to accept when she’s wrong.
She said I was out of line and I pointed out in every example she has gave about me needing to be right, I was either just voicing a differing opinion, like with the news stories, or me pointing out a solution such as when we went away and needed to be at the bar.
She just repeated that I clearly haven't bothered to listen to her when she said "me needing to be right" is causing problems for us but I just told her I should be allowed to voice my opinion without it leading to an argument and that there's a difference between needing to be right and just disagreeing with her.
She just said I clearly didn't want to work on it despite knowing it's upsetting her. I asked what she wanted exactly because I shouldn’t have to just not be able to speak because she doesn’t like a differing opinion or doesn’t like being corrected.
I pointed out the examples I gave would have cost us both money if I had just shut up and let her make the decision. She just shrugged and couldn’t actually say what she wanted me to do.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. It seems that her pride won't allow her to admit if she was wrong and it pisses her off as she would deliberately do things just to prove a point like when you told her to close the glass. Immature.
Difficult to judge based on the info. But bear in mind, you needed to be right so much you wrote an AITA about it? Like, with only these examples, you may well have been "right" in those circumstances. But your partner's comments sounds like she's being contradicted all the time and getting bored of it. If your opinions differ so often, what do you agree on?
But do you see the irony in creating a Reddit profile just to create this post and have strangers tell you you’re right about not having to always be right? That arguing in the comments is more evidence that you always need to be right?
Info: please give an example of what happens when you are legitimately wrong and she is legitimately right. Surely this will have happened in the course of your relationship.
Severe_Food_3396 (OP)
We were on holiday in November, I wanted to pay for a transfer to the hotel. She didn’t want to and said it would be easier to just get a taxi at the airport. I didn’t agree and thought it would be more expensive but let it go. She was right and we easily found a taxi for around the same price as the transfer.
I mean... she just sounds extremely stupid. I'm sure it seems like you "need to be right" when everything she says is so stupidly wrong it's comical. What a waste of time to even hang out with her, she doesn't see you as a person with your own opinions and thoughts.
I'll bet when you said those things you weren't even thinking about who's "right" or "wrong" it was just discussing the best option. For her, she was keeping score and seeing it as some sort of game or competition. SO weird.
Mild YTA, the issue is your unwillingness to see her viewpoint or try her ideas, if she's wrong let her sit in that but you need to try her stuff from time to time instead of always making her feel like it's your way or the high way, it's the lack of receptiveness.
ESH. she's being childish and inspecific when talking about her feelings which is causing problems she's then getting mad over (shrugging and being silent when asked what she wants you to do differently).
You are being kinda snobby. You sound like you may be a bit abrasive when you talk. No shade. Me too. But that affects how people take your words. Even if you are RIGHT, you need to say it in the right tone, too. Feelings get hurt otherwise.
With respect, you going round and asking everybody whether you always need to be right is an example of you always needing to be right. I think the other examples are pretty weak but that one is screaming "look I don't always need to be right and here are all the people who agree that I am right about that". Do you do that with other disagreements? YTA.