'AITA for being disappointed with the birthday trip organized by my wife?'
"AITA for being disappointed with the birthday trip organized by my wife?"
Married to my wife for 10 years and have got two children both under 5. The youngest is a bad sleeper and has ended up in bed with my wife every night for the last 6 weeks.
We both live in London (UK) and have no family nearby, everyone lives 2 hours away on a good traffic day, so we very very rarely get a break or time together without children.
It was my wife's birthday back in August and I arranged for my parents to come up on Saturday to look after the kids for the weekend as I had booked for us to go to a vineyard in East Sussex for a tour and tasting and then onto a luxury hotel and dinner near the sea.
My wife grew up by the sea so I knew she would like this. The next day we had a lie in and some time to explore before heading back home in the afternoon. Fast forward to now and it's my birthday.
Wife said she had arranged a surprise so I'm thinking she's booked for us to go somewhere else and we can have some more child free time together somewhere nice. I took Friday off work as we had to leave at lunchtime.
We end up taking both children in the car and I'm driving for 2.5 hours to the seaside. I'm waiting for mine or my wife’s parents to suddenly appear and take the children but this doesn't materialize.
Instead we arrive at some slightly deprived looking town to stay in a small 2 bed flat that I'm pretty sure is ex-council. I'm guessing she didn't street view the area and just went off the photos of the interior because it’s pretty run down and there is nothing nearby to the flat.
No childcare materializes so just us looking after the kids like normal but in a much smaller space and with less for them to do. One bedroom has a double bed the other has two single beds. The younger child ends up in the double bed overnight so I head off to the spare single bed with our other child.
AITA for feeling massively let down by this experience? All week she has been dropping hints at how pleased she is with what she's organized but I can't help but wonder how she's managed to get it so wrong.
I truly don't understand why she thought it would be a good idea to bring the children from our comfortable 3 bed house to a tiny 2 bed flat in some run down seaside town.
I'm now in a bit of a depressed mood because I feel like an arsehole for not enjoying this more but I can't get over the massive differences between our birthdays. Please tell me if I am overreacting here or if my feelings are valid as I'm in a bit of a flunk and not sure I'm thinking rationally.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Your wife missed the mark. It happens. In future TELL HER you'd like some quality with her as you love spending time with her. Also.... why not book a weekend away together as an extra birthday celebration. I gave up years ago getting disappointed because my husband couldn't read my mind... or even heavy hints.
This!! Tell her! Seems like all of this could have been avoided if only they ditched the surprise element! I’m sure the surprises work great some of the time, but why risk feeling disappointed during this critical time of needing some time just the two of you?
They could try small scale surprises (like date nights) and switch to planning weekends away together. It doesn’t make them any less fun, and you know how to pack.
It sounds like a thoroughly disappointing weekend. But, I think that you just need to say that you’d like to be child-free next time. She did try, she just got it wrong. Try and have a redo if you can. Find an occasion beyond birthdays to get it out your system. Then make it clear that your birthday traditions from this point revolve around adult time.
Sounds like you organized your perfect birthday trip for her so she organized her perfect trip for you. Apparently she prefers to stay with the kids.
You thought a good trip was one without your kids. Your wife thinks a good trip is one with your kids. NTA.
Maybe your idea of a good time is childless, and you wife's idea of a good time is family?Quality couple time is important, but the way you describe your kids, they feel like a burden for you (at nights, at birthdays....). I would think a bout it and question myself.
NTA. Firstly, speak to your wife about the little one sleeping in bed with you two and make it very clear its time to stop letting him in bed with you. Having them sleep in your bed is adding to the problem, not solving it. Get your marital bed back.
After that issue is solved give it a couple of weeks then sit down with your wife and tell her how you feel about wanting more time together as a couple without the kids. Don't necessarily tell her you thought her trip away was naff, as it seems like she thought the complete opposite and there's no point upsetting her.
Sympathies for you and your situation, and tangentially it's so fascinating witnessing the culture differences when it comes to "family lives far away so we don't see them" of Canada vs UK.
Sounds like she likes events to be with the family and you would rather them be more couple oriented. She enjoyed the event she organized and you enjoyed the one you organized. There is no surprise here.