"AITA for disrupting an autistic student's ritual?"
I (48F) have a daughter (15F) who just had knee surgery. When she returned to school, she was in a full leg brace and using crutches. On her first day back to school, I got to the parking lot early to get a spot in the pick-up zone because I knew she was in pain and also would need assistance getting in and out of the car.
I was parked there a couple of minutes when someone knocked on my window. I opened it and a mom said, I need you to move your car. I asked why, and she explained that she always parks in that spot because her autistic son has a ritual with the fire hydrant there and that's the only place he will go to be picked up.
I responded that I would not move and explained to her my situation. She then repeatedly insisted that I had to move and when I continued to refuse, she said she would report me.
Admittedly, her son did come out to the fire hydrant, and then tried to get into my car. I noticed as I was trying to redirect him (and I do work with autistic adults, so I have some techniques of my own), that the mom was standing some distance back with one of the special ed teachers just watching. It felt like they were waiting for me to make some sort of egregious error.
I did redirect him with the help of another kid who seem to know him, and I got my daughter into the car - she was in tears from the pain - and we left. The next day I was not there quite so early so I did not get that same spot.
But the special ed teacher made a point of coming over and explaining to me how my lack of kindness had fully disrupted the young man's ritual, confused him terribly, and caused him to try to elope at school that day. So should I have just moved my car?
NOTE: my daughter had already been out 10 days & had wanted to return to school & had Drs clearance. It was just a bit too much, even with the assistance she was provided. Day 2, I also got into the pick up zone, just not "that" spot.
If I'd left the pick up zone the first day, I would have been shunted out of the parking lot & around the school into the line which would have taken an additional 10-15 min.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
moshpithippie said:
I work in Autism support (and have autism) and this is the exact reason that you have to work on coping skills and tolerating when things don't go as expected. What would she have done if you weren't in the car she would literally have no option.
Standard-Project2663 said:
NTA - One person's special needs do not supersede another persons. Shame on the special ed teacher for getting involved.
Daisymaisey23 said:
Not everything can revolve around their rituals. Your daughter was in pain she shouldn’t be made to suffer. NTA. It would be better to be teaching the autistic students some resilience for when rituals get interrupted.
Aggressive_Cod3057 said:
NTA disruptions happen and we have to have ways to manage them. This was a time they could have practiced implementing those coping strategies instead of putting the burden on you.
Ok-Butterscotch-6708 said:
NTA. You had just as much right to park there as she did.
Diligent_Lab2717 said:
NTA. Even kids with routines and rituals need to learn to cope with disruption and that sometimes other people have needs, too.