'AITA for ditching my friend's wedding after she removed me as bridesmaid to sub in for photographer?' UPDATED

"AITA for ditching my friends wedding after she removed me as a bridesmaid and wanted me to sub for the photographer?"

I, Aila (26/F) was set to be a bridesmaid in my friend Deidre's (26/F) wedding. She had five bridesmaids in total including me. We met in high school and moved back to our mutual hometown area a few years later. I'm 6'1" and my nickname has always been "Big Bird," while the other girls and Diedre are about 5'4" to 5'6" or so.

I have a Nikon DSLR and have always like to casually take pictures for my social media, which I did of all of us in the time leading up to the wedding.

The day of the wedding, the paid photographer Jenny was on-site at Diedre's massive church but was sick. She said she'd eaten something that didn't agree with her, that she could power through, but ultimately she had to leave.

Shortly after she left and before we were supposed to head toward the sanctuary, Dierdre asked me to walk around the perimeter of the church to make sure that the entrances were all labeled and that no one was lost, so I did that in my dress and tennis shoes and made it back in about 15 minutes.

By the time I got back into the bridal suite it was nearly time to head into the foyer. As I walked in everyone was quiet and staring at me. Diedre's fiance's sister Ashley, who hadn't been sure if she could make the wedding, was there as well.

Diedre said that since Jenny was gone they didn't have a wedding photographer. She wanted me to give my bridesmaid dress to Ashley and take photos with my Nikon, since no one wanted to just have pictures on their iphones.

Everybody swarmed me and started helping me out of my dress, pulling the rhinestone combs out of my hair, and Diedre took back the bridesmaid gift of the matching Tiffany bracelet we were wearing during the wedding to put on Ashley. Everyone said that this was a "much better plan" and started hyping up my photography skills.

They were also saying this would be great because the wedding party would look uniform now, and the moms were saying that it would be great to include all the "family girls" as bridesmaids. Diedre said that I would be able to eat after everyone else and that she wasn't sure where Ashley had been sitting for dinner, but it wouldn't matter because I wouldn't need to sit down anyway.

This was all very rushed and I didn't have time to think, but I was immediately pretty hurt by the demand that I be responsible for not only the wedding photography for free, but that everyone was implying that I'd make pictures look weird if I was in them, and that I'd be okay with not having a seat at all or the chance to eat.

I told Diedre that I wasn't a professional photographer and that I didn't know what I was doing, but she just kept saying "You'll do great" and "I'm sure it'll be good." While everyone continued to get ready, I packed up all my stuff, said that I had to take it out to my car, then drove home. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

TorchwoodFour said:

NTA. You were literally uninvited to the wedding and forced into being an unpaid employee instead. The description of them "helping" you out of your dress brings to mind the scene in Disney's Cinderella when her stepsisters tear her dress off and leave her in rags. I hope it didn't feel like that when they did that to you. That was just horrible!

OP responded:

Thanks! It didn't feel that bad but it didn't feel good. I was just shocked and (at the time) I felt like I needed to pitch in or make it work somehow because I was in "problem solving" mode, then as we kept going and Diedra kept explaining what she wanted me to do, alternating with everyone's "compliments" made me feel hurt.

It was also kind of weird being the only one undressed while they were looking at me, but I got my own clothes on quickly.

RDT64 said:

NTA! It's obvious that perimeter check was to get you away long enough for Diedre to get that little ambush set up so getting swarmed would get you to go along with her BS.

Fuckit445 said:

Absolutely NTA. The f__king sheer audacity! What a great feeling it must have been to be so easily pushed aside for the last minute SIL that may or may not make it….I’m sure that made you feel really special. And then to try to patronize/bully you into becoming a FREE photographer?? That is not your friend and never has been. F__k her and f__k her wedding.

KaliTheBlaze said:

NTA. This is one of those things where it was okay to ask, and it would’ve been a huge, save-the-day favor if you did it. But the fact that you were thrust into it willy-nilly and not given a choice in the matter, and they way they just completely cut you out of the bridal party…that was very unkind of them.

The “uniform” bridal party comments…wtf? Also, if that dress fitted you, how on earth did a much shorter gal get into it?

OP:

It was a midi length dress from David's Bridal that wasn't tailored and had adjustable spaghetti straps. We belted them with rhinestone belts so they used that to cinch it in a little.

She later shared this edit to her post:

Hi everyone, thank you for weighing in, I'm reading through all your comments and wanted to answer some of the most common questions I've seen so I'll use this as an update and to answer your questions. I was trying not to include too much information in my post but I think I should include more:

The dress was a midi length dress from David's Bridal with no tailoring. The top had adjustable spaghetti straps, and it was cinched in with a rhinestone belt. Ashley and I are very close to the same size so the dress okay for her to wear. I paid $120 for the dress, Diedre bought the accessories, and I was wearing ballet flats I already owned.

I also paid for a wedding gift, bridal shower gift, and her drinks at various points, so I would estimate my costs at $500. We did our own hair and makeup at the church. The Tiffany bracelets were some of the $300 ones. I logically understand why she took mine off (they're relatively distinctive and meant to match in the photos), but it still stung.

Jenny was there for a period of time and so she should be able to send them the professional photos of us getting ready. But I personally watched her getting sweatier, so I suspect her having to leave (even though I didn't witness it) was genuine and urgent. I don't think that Diedre (whose alias I should have chosen better due to me spelling it differently every time) dismissed her.

I do now think that she asked me to check around the church as a way of getting me off by myself, since Jenny had already left at that point and she'd had time to think about what to do.

Because of where the bridal suite was positioned, few people were parked over there and I have a car with a distinctive color that had been parked right up by it. So I suspect no one messaged me in alarm because they looked out and immediately realized I'd just left, and I suspect that they're not going to message me and ask if they can get the few pictures I'd already snapped either.

A lot of people are telling me to take Diedre to court, but that just isn't in my nature. I would really prefer not to stir things up with her but have been watching social media, which they haven't blocked me on. I posted here because I saw a couple of vaguely-snarky comments from Diedre's mother-in-law about how they couldn't get a photographer to stay but they made do.

The only message I've gotten directly has been one of the other bridesmaids asking me if I'd gotten any pictures at all, and I just ignored it. But I've been turning this over in my mind and wondering if I'm the AH for bailing, so I posted here.

The last thing I want to clarify is that people have been comparing this to the scene in Cinderella. It certainly didn't feel good, but in the moment I was in problem-solving mode because this was being presented to me as a last-minute problem that I needed to help solve.

Everyone was talking like we were collaborating on this great thing while quickly getting all of my items off and onto Ashley. I had worn a black velour track suit and a t-shirt to the church, so she wasn't literally telling me to walk around in my underwear, but still.