'AITA for ditching my girlfriend at a restaurant, which contributed to her failing her probationary period at work?' CONCLUDED
"AITA for ditching my girlfriend at a restaurant, which contributed to her failing her probationary period at work?"
I [27m] have been in a relationship with my girlfriend, Cindy [26f], since university. Last September, Cindy’s company went under. She took this hard because she loved her workplace, loved her colleagues, and loved her boss.
Unfortunately, they just weren’t making that much money, so the plug was pulled. When Cindy came home and delivered the news to me, I asked if she wanted me to introduce her to my boss.
Having the same major, we work in the same field, and my company is almost always hiring. Cindy said yes, and I texted my boss on the spot. After delivering her CV to him and a short interview process, she was hired in a three-month probationary position.
I was really excited to be working with Cindy. We could save money on gas by carpooling, spend more time together, and have lunch together too. Unfortunately, things did not pan out.
To be frank, Cindy was a horrible employee. She showed up to the office 15-20 minutes late virtually every day. I had to give up on carpooling with her because I have a morning meeting, and I need to get to work 15 minutes early every day.
Cindy’s favorite activity at work was opening up a blank Google doc and looking at her phone under her desk. The hour we get for lunch was often an hour and a half for Cindy, and she really accomplished nothing in her time there. This continued for three months.
Last Monday was a rare occasion where Cindy was actually ready on time to go to work together. Perhaps this was because of my gentle urging for her to get her life together, or perhaps it was because her probationary period was ending soon, but we were able to carpool.
We went out to lunch together, and Cindy ate way too slowly. I was looking at the clock and encouraging her to get a move on, but at the end of the meal, right when we had to leave to make it back on time, Cindy decided she wanted another refill of her soda.
I told her time was up, but she was adamant that she absolutely needed another refill. To make matters worse, the restaurant was crowded and we couldn’t flag down a server.
I put the cash for the meal and a tip on the table, and I told Cindy that I was leaving, with or without her. Cindy played chicken with me here, thinking that if she refused to move, I’d have no choice but to wait. But I walked to my car and drove back.
Cindy showed up 20 minutes later visually flustered. The restaurant was a 10-minute walk away, so I’m pretty sure she did end up getting her refill. She has been furious with me since.
Last Friday, Cindy got her final judgment for her probationary period. Due to poor punctuality and general lack of direction, my company decided not to hire her for a full-time position.
Cindy blames me. She says I made her late, and that I ruined everything. Last night, she asked how she was supposed to pay her part of her rent without a job, and I responded, “Yes, that’s a good question. How will you be paying?” This threw oil on the proverbial fire, and now she doesn't even want to fight about it anymore. Was I an AH for what I did here?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
If she seriously believes she wasn’t hired because of that particular day and not all of the other ones, she’s delusional af. You even tried helping her to be punctual but she didn’t give af NTA, not your responsibility at all.
This is going to sound crazy, but...That may have been the point. She may have been intentionally dense about getting back from lunch on time, knowing that OP would leave without her (he's already set the precedent that he won't be late to work for her with the morning carpools), and then using that to blame him for failing instead of herself.
With how she acted at work, she might still actually be self aware enough to realize she wasn't going to be kept on, so this could have been a plan to guilt OP into not pushing her too hard about the rent. (It sounds like they live together.) I know that seems a bit nuts, I've just known some really manipulative people that I could see doing exactly that scenario.
Awkward_Reaction_571 (OP)
I didn't even recognize this as a possibility at the time, but it actually sounds likely now that you say it. I honestly don't understand how any reasonable person would expect to pass the probationary period to a job after being chronically late and screwing around on Instagram all day at work.
Nope she efed around and is in the process of finding out. NTA.
Good grief. They didn't let her go because she was late from lunch once. Good for you for not risking your job to play stupid games. NTA.
Not you single-handedly keeping the unemployment rate up. 😂 She fumbled the job, the relationship, and a free ride to work. Impressive, really.
NTA. The only person in this story responsible for Cindy’s predicament, is Cindy. If this is how she handles adult responsibilities, I’d be reconsidering her role in my life.
Please tell me you can see what she is doing??? She doesn’t want to work. It was a jump but she stretched her wee little self all the way to being without a job and somehowwww you are at fault?
So now, it’s only fair that you pay her part of the rent and utilities and food. It’s the least you can do for getting her fired. She set this up. Please please say you can see it. Op, you are getting played. NTA.
A week later, the OP returned with an update.
Last week, I [27m] talked about how my girlfriend, Cindy [26f], blew her probationary period for the job I got her completely. She was chronically late, unproductive, and she took 90-minute marathon lunch breaks.
She claims that I sabotaged her because instead of being late when getting back to work, I left her at a restaurant when she wanted another refill of her soda.
Anyway.
Cindy decided that she was going to take some time off of work for her mental health. Knowing that she had absolutely no savings, I asked how she was going to contribute to rent, groceries, and utilities, but Cindy said that wasn’t my concern. I decided to be upfront and flat-out tell her not to expect me to financially support her.
She responded by calling me a “low provider,” whatever that means. It's also not right because I'm more of a no provider. I'm not into arrangements where I financially support a woman for companionship.
At this point I knew that our relationship was basically over, but I decided that I’d stay in the apartment we rent for the next two months (as we have paid our rent in full until the end of May) and then leave. Then Cindy began taking steps to actively sabotage me at work.
For example, last Friday, when I was getting ready for work, I couldn’t find my shoes. After letting me look for them for 15 minutes, Cindy finally said that she washed them. I’m fairly sure Cindy has never washed anything other than a plate or her own laundry, but on Friday morning, she abruptly decided to wash my shoes.
Right. They were soaking wet. I had to wear an old pair of Crocs that were two sizes too small to the office that day. On my way home, I bought new shoes and kept them in my car.
Then Cindy began spamming me with texts during a meeting on Saturday (one I had told her I was having), saying there was a guy banging on our door. She insisted I needed to come home right away.
I checked our Ring camera and saw nothing. When I texted her back saying so, she said it must have been the neighbor or something. It’s worth mentioning here that I can see the neighbor’s door on the camera too, and nobody was banging on it either.
I got the picture of what was going on, and realizing the next escalation would be having my tires slashed or brakes cut, after work that day, I went back to our apartment, gathered my belongings, and left. Cindy naturally went off the rails, but I got out safely.
Now I’m at my buddy’s house for a few days until I can find a new living situation. Thank you for all the advice you gave me. I’m sure this can act as a cautionary tale in various ways. Unfortunately, I'm kind of out of it after all this drama, so I'll leave that part up to you.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
Thank you for the update and good luck during this transition. If you haven't said anything to your boss, you might want to updated him/her just in case she continues to try to sabatoge your work.
Not only should he tell his boss, also inform the police because like he mentioned, she can cut his breaks which can cause road accident.
My guess with all the scrolling she did on her phone under her desk instead of actually working she stumbled upon TradWife TikTok and she was banking on a free ride despite her sounding like she does none of the house work the TradWife trend implies thinking she can just get a free ride.
If you can, next time you're at the apartment try and take as many pictures of the place as you can without her knowledge. I would not put it past her to try and flip the script and say you trashed the place in anger at her or something and eff you out of the deposit.
Was this the woman who caught a ride to work with you that instead of working would sit down and open a blank word doc while she played on her phone? This is a crazy update.