'AITA for ditching my friend and flying home without her after being abandoned mid-vacation?'
"AITA for leaving my friend in Miami and flying home without her after being abandoned mid-vacation?"
I genuinely don’t know if I handled this horribly or if I finally just snapped after feeling pushed too far. A few months ago, my friend asked me to go to Miami with her because her husband was going on a ski trip with his friends and she “didn’t want to sit home alone.” This was her idea. So i said sure! We booked flights and a hotel together. It was supposed to be our girls trip.
For context, I had a work conference in Orlando right before this. I flew there first, rented a car on my company card, and then drove down to Miami to meet her. I was supposed to return the rental car at 5pm Thursday, but her flight didn’t land until 11pm.
Instead of making her Uber alone late at night, I kept the rental longer, picked her up from the airport myself, and returned it after. Because of that, there was a $50 valet charge on our hotel bill. (I also paid extra for the excess time I had on the rental car)
At the time, I didn’t care. I was just trying to make the trip smooth and easy.
Friday morning I paid $110 for breakfast for her and her friend (who lives in Miami). She later paid about $30 for fro-yo for the three of us. That night we split dinner evenly, and I paid for drinks. I didn’t think much of it. I’m not cheap. I’m generous with my friends, although I already had a thought in the back of my head that it’s starting to feel uneven.
Saturday we went out drinking. I paid for most of the rounds — probably 6 or 7 rounds total. She paid for one. Again, I didn’t say anything. But I definitely started noticing a pattern where I was the one pulling out my card more often. At this point I started becoming cautious because I realized I’m covering her stuff wayyyyyy more than she is covering mine.
Sunday morning we wake up to find out our Monday flight home is canceled because of a snowstorm. The next available flight isn’t until Thursday. So suddenly we’re stuck in Miami for three extra days.
I was already stressed from the morning because now everything was thrown off. Instead of saying “okay, we’ll figure this out together,” she pretty quickly said she was going to stay with another friend for the extra days. It wasn’t a conversation. It wasn’t “do you want to do that too?” It was just her decision. And I felt this immediate pit in my stomach. Like wait… we came together. We were supposed to leave together.
And now I’m just on my own? I spent most of that Sunday — which was supposed to be my vacation — scrambling online trying to find hotels, looking at prices, figuring out logistics, while she already had a free place lined up. I felt stressed and alone while she had an easy solution that didn’t include me.
That same Sunday before dinner she said, “I’ll cover dinner, you cover drinks after.” I agreed. I didn’t know what dinner would cost, but it was pizza — around $20–25 per person. After dinner we went out for drinks (three of us) and the bill came back at $150. By that point I had already covered breakfast, most of Saturday’s drinks, and drinks Friday night.
So when that $150 bill came, I just couldn’t do it. If I had paid it, she basically would’ve covered a $25 dinner while I covered $150 in drinks — on top of everything else I’d already paid for. Not to mention that I was already pissed that I was covering everything, AND I was heavily building resentment that shes basically DITCHING me in the middle of Miami BY MYSELF.
We ended up splitting it instead, because I was vocal about it. Monday we checked out of the hotel. She went to stay at her friend’s place. I had to book my own hotel for $400 that I absolutely did not plan on spending. When she asked how much it was and I told her, she said, “Oh, not bad.”
That honestly hurt more than I expected. Because it’s “not bad” when you’re not the one paying it. It’s not bad when you didn’t just spend the weekend covering more than your share and now you’re dropping another $400 because your friend didn’t want to split a room with you and stick it out together.
When we split the original hotel bill, she deducted the $50 valet first (since it was technically tied to my rental car) and then split the rest. And that’s when it really clicked for me: she’s very precise about splitting when it benefits her. But when it’s something bigger, more expensive, or inconvenient, I’m just expected to cover it. I absolutely lost it.
Internally I was raging on fire, and externally all i did was roll my eyes and uttered “really?!”. She instantly sent me half of the parking fee, but it rly wasn't even about the money. I didn't need her money. It felt like a buildup. It wasn’t just the $400 hotel.
It was the breakfast, the drinks, the imbalance, the “you cover this,” the splitting evenly only when it suits her, and then the second flights get canceled, she chooses what’s easiest for her and leaves me to handle the mess alone.
Monday we walked around shopping and it was painfully tense. Barely talking. I didn’t say much because I knew I would explode. I just felt taken advantage of. I felt like I showed up for her, adjusted for her, spent for her — and when things got inconvenient, I was disposable.
We were originally supposed to fly home together on thursday, and I was going to drive her home from the airport — about an hour and a half drive. But I was on standby for all the flights going out in the meantime. I found an earlier flight Tuesday and left. I didn’t want to spend more days in Miami completely alone while she was hanging with her friend thats hosting her.
When I got home, I sat down and added everything up. She owes me about $140. Her friend owes me about $99. I sent the Venmo requests. I also told her she should cover her friend’s portion if her friend doesn’t pay.
At this point it’s not even about the money. I realize that it’s really not such a substantial amount of money in the grand scheme of things. It’s about wanting her to see the pattern. To see how much more I carried. To see that I wasn’t imagining it. That I didn’t just “feel” taken advantage of — it actually added up.
So AITA for leaving early, making her arrange her own ride, and sending the bill? Or was I justified after feeling financially and emotionally dropped?
EDIT- I am 23 male (gay) and she's 27 female. We have been best friends for the last 3 years and its our first trip together
This is what people had to say to OP:
No_Werewolf_7029 said:
NTA but I would say that you should communicate immediately that you don't want to split in the future.
HolyCannoliBatmaam said:
Absolutely NTA, you were paying for extra days of accommodation and she wasn't, of course you would want to take an earlier flight. She also made it very clear that you were "on your own" at that point so you took care of yourself.
More importantly, you learned that this person is not really your friend, she does not have the same spirit of generosity with you that you felt with her. Sucks to see her true colors but now you know for future.
MoomahTheQueen said:
Yep. This friendship is well and truely over and so it should be.
Impressive_Trip_6210 said:
NTA she isn't your friend
And spygirl43 said:
You need to grow a spine. Don't say you'll pay for something then bitch about it afterwards. You didn't need to buy all those rounds. What you say is "I bought the last round who's buying the next one?" If no one volunteers, then you only buy your own. Same with meals, ask for separate checks. I hope you dump her as a friend. If you actually grow that spine.