'AITA for ditching my husband and my home because his brother wouldn’t leave?'

"AITA for leaving my husband and my home because his brother wouldn’t leave?"

My husband and I have been together for over a decade now. For the majority of our relationship his brother and his wife do not like me, at all. I have tried to make peace with them and build a relationship but they have constantly pushed back and showed no interest in having a relationship with me nor my son. We have invited them to our house multiple times but they always seem to be too busy.

My FIL and MIL initially were very involved in the family drama but per our request they have mostly stayed out of it now. My husband has been supportive but struggles with setting boundaries and confrontation. I have come to accept the family dynamic. We are very courteous with each other, “Hi” and “bye”, mostly. And occasionally invite each other to important family celebrations.

TBH I like this dynamic because there are zero expectations towards each other and we don’t feel the pressure to hang out with them. Side note: They caused me so much emotional trauma after years of bullying, so I became very insecure about myself and fell into a deep depression. I’ve healed mostly, but being around them is triggering and makes me anxious.

So I’m happy to not have to see them very often. Now to the main story. My FIL underwent a very invasive surgery in which he can no longer walk or stand up unassisted. For this reason he cannot climb up or down stairs. His home is 2 stories with no shower or bed in the first floor. Our home is one story and we have a spare room.

Therefore when they asked to stay for a week in our home we agreed and tried our best to accommodate to his disability. Now I have no problem with the small stuff, like my MIL not cooking or cleaning, leaving stuff everywhere, and being picky about the food I would make. I had no problem when my SIL also stayed without no one letting us know.

My problem began when my FIL notified my husband that my BIL was coming to see him. He can visit no problem; we had invited him and his wife many times before and were always rejected. My issue was that he ever told my husband that he was planning to spend the whole weekend! I told my husband the morning BIL arrived that I was not comfortable with him staying.

At this point we only knew he was coming to visit. One thing is to visit and another to spend the night when we don’t even have a normal relationship and we don’t talk. My BIL wanted to stay to take care of his dad even though me, my husband, and my SIL were able to do it. After my husband told his brother that there was no need to stay the night my BIL responded with “I will let you know.”

By this time, we left to a party because I just didn’t want to be home. I felt so uncomfortable and invaded with the way they were doing things. Eventually, the night came and I found out through our ring camera that my BIL had decided to send my MIL and SIL home, and that he would stay. I was livid that he decided who would stay in MY HOUSE!

And my husband found out through his sister earlier that same day that his brother was staying and leaving until Monday! He never told me this until after I saw the cameras and confronted him about it. So when we arrive home, I change, grab my purse and leave by myself to a piano bar. The next day I left all day to go shopping. Returned home only to sleep.

I did this until the all left a week later. My husband got mad at me because I kept leaving him at our invaded house with his family. Well I was mad because he did nothing to make sure I was comfortable in my own house. He was more concerned about not upsetting his dad and brother.

To this day he swears I never told him I didn’t want his brother to stay the weekend. Why would I want him to in the first place? WE DONT TALK! So am I the a hole for leaving my husband and leaving my house because his brother wouldn’t?

What so you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

TheWacoFogey said:

NTA. Your husband has no spine. If your BIL wants to take care of your FIL, let him do it at the BIL's house, not yours. Maybe you should find somewhere else to live until that happens.

Background_Year_5172 said:

Nope not the A. Your husband should have manned up and not let him spend the weekend. He can come during the day but GO HOME.

Only-upvibes said:

NTA Since your husband allows his brother to dictate him, I commend you for keeping your peace and respecting the comfort your FIL needed instead of being around drama while trying to recover. Your husband has no right to be angry with you. He allowed a man that despises you to invade your home. He knew you would feel so uncomfortable. What did he expect?

I personally would probably have done the same. But I would make sure it would never happen again. If there is ever another time like this I would tell brother to his face he is not welcome to stay in my home. Period. No. Done. Husband can kick rocks. Not caring if there is no more “cordial” family connection.

bdayqueen said:

NTA - You kept yourself safe. That's the most important thing. If you had stayed, BIL would have been a jerk to you.

And Strict-History-3802 said:

NTA his monkeys, his circus, his problem. BTW your husband sucks.