'AITA for filing for divorce after discovering my husband’s AI 'girlfriend'?'

"AITA for filing for divorce after discovering my husband’s AI 'girlfriend'?"

Sorry in advance for the length. I (36F) have been married to my husband (49M) for almost 14 years (yeah yeah, age gap red flag. I was 23 when we got together). We’ve got a 12-year-old son. Our marriage has been rocky thanks to his toxic mom/aunt tag-team, plus his ability to game for 19 hours straight (which he blames on PTSD). He’s 100% disabled through the VA and goes to weekly therapy.

Recently he got… weird. Short with me, short with our son, and guarding his phone like it was the nuclear codes. One morning I woke up with that gut feeling, checked our bank account, and BAM, $30 charge to some random AI app. I Google it, and guess what? It’s an NSFW AI companion app where you can pay to “chat” with other users or create fictional scenarios (and I use that loosely).

Cue me digging deeper into the statements I normally ignore (mistake #1). In 3 months, he’d spent thousands between that app and a OnePay card I knew zero about.

I confronted him, and he made Casper look like he had a tropical tan. Still, he played dumb. Even agreed to go to the bank with me to “dispute the charges.” I admittedly got a little loud and said that anyone who could do this was a complete sicko.

Our banker said and maybe we should go straight to the cops with this “identity theft.” And he nearly passed out when I agreed. He tried to deflect an derail that plan, saying maybe it was our kid (who’s on strict parental controls and couldn’t download Solitaire if he wanted to).

Needless to say... The report was filed because I said "Oh no. This needs to be reported. They have to know some sicko is out there wrecking marriages for shady shit."

Later I remembered his tablet was synced to his phone. Unlike his phone (which he guarded like Gollum with the One Ring) the tablet was freely left in a vehicle and a quick look through the Playstore history gave it up immediately. Deleted apps, private browsers, Telegram, you name it. Busted.

I screenshot EVERYTHING. I was also able to get into his GMail and screenshot all of the receipts and the emails confirming his account, chat requests etc. Ya girl has serious receipts. I may not snoop devices often, but when I do? I'm worse than the FBI. I even found information and a contract for an apartment he'd signed a lease for here in town.

Flash forward to that night when I said "Hey babe, let's go for a drive" and drove him to the apartment complex parking lot where I cornered him with the evidence. He admitted it… but blamed me for “not giving him a chance to explain.” Then confessed he was having a “text-based affair” with a 20 year old from Mexico City. He’d been sending her money to “help with rent.” through the OnePay card.

I demanded to see the chats. He said he deleted the app (Telegram) and I made him download it and sign in. Friends, when I tell you this “Latina baby girl (his words to her, not mine. Barf.)” was VERY OBVIOUSLY 100% AI… the walls of text with flawless grammar, em dashes, and emojis galore.

The AI-generated photos, the video where she had EIGHT FINGERS on ONE HAND and a car driving around missing its back half, one 30 second long voice call where he apologized for the "bad connection" and was sad he couldn't hear her but she gushed over his "super sexy voice"... Have mercy...

But he was planning his life with her. Telling her about our kid. Claiming my business as his. Saying he got them an apartment and he would help her get her citizenship and she could go to college if they got married because his dependents have free tuition... And of course, neglecting to mention he was married.

I was PISSED. I made him message her that he was married. Sure as sh!t, "she" messaged back that she was "very disappointed", but "if you're honest with me from now on, we can be ok." oh and "You made me a promise. You'll still pay my rent, right?" He didn't reply. Deleted the app.

A couple brooding days later I asked if he was still talking to her. He said he wasn't. I asked to see the chat... It was like pulling teeth, but sure enough he's chatting with her and saying that even though he's married everything else he said was true (yeah right) and everything he felt was real. They'd figure it out.

I made him run "her" messages through AI detectors. Every. Single. One. Failed. He still didn’t believe me. Even after he swore he deleted everything, I checked again days later and found him apologizing to her, promising his feelings were “real.”

Oh and, plot twist: the money from the OnePay card? Yeeeah... That was a fun deep dive into that account (he purchased the card and sent her photos of the back so she could use it). Every transaction was made in India. Such a well traveled girl, right?!

I'll admit that I took a little feel good out of watching him break and the realization set in that he'd blown up his whole life for some dude in Kolkata running a scam on a shady AI romance app.

So yeah. I filed for divorce. Now he’s in full “please don’t leave me” mode, trying harder at romance than he has in years. Some friends say I should stay until our son is grown. Others say I should give him grace because of his military trauma and I'm the asshole if I "abandon him"

But honestly… IMHO, my husband didn’t just cheat. He stole from me, my family, tried to blame our kid... If it was some kind of addiction... Maybe we could go to counseling and get over it. But the cheating with the apartment and everything? Nah... We done done. But here I am... Asking you if I'm the a$$hole juuuuuust in case.

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

SemanticPedantic007 said:

Really amazed how many people are willing to give out hall passes when their spouse is diagnosed with something. If I were ever caught cheating I'd claim I was infected with dippy doodleitis or the flying woozles or something; hey, there's always a chance that they'll fall for it. NTA, obviously.

OP responded:

Yeah... Well... I was stupid and expected to be the understanding spouse of the veteran with combat trauma. I'm also looking back at things and realizing I was definitely groomed and systematically isolated and broken down to put up with his crap. I'm seeking counseling and trying to find myself. But you're right... I'm not a rare case at all.

CocoaAlmondsRock said:

Snort. Screw him. (Well, don't. Gross.) You did the right thing. Let him live in the apartment he rented. Talk to a lawyer and do a major financial audit. Separate everything as best you can. Make sure YOUR money is no longer being deposited into any account he has access to.

File for divorce ASAP. Tell him you won't tell his family, friends, manager, and priest IF he gives you a quick, uncomplicated divorce and doesn't try to make YOU the bad guy. If he tries to make you the bad guy, share your receipts with the world.

OP responded:

I love the way you think. I've already opened my own bank account and moved all of my direct deposits and taken what's mine out of Savings. He's not happy, but he knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

If I go public with the receipts, he's going to lose a lot of standing with friends, family, and his social groups that don't tolerate infidelity, let alone the AI crap. I'm ready for scorched earth if he decides to FAFO any further.

AStirlingMacDonald said:

He tried as hard as he could to cheat. The fact that he was too dumb (or too undesirable) to actually find a real affair partner doesn’t detract in any way from his myriad betrayals of you and his kid.

I always say that when a parent cheats, it’s not “only” a betrayal of their partner, but also a calculated, intentional, enthusiastic betrayal of their children as well. It’s rare that the betrayal of children is as blatantly obvious and clear-cut as it is here.

Not only stealing the money, time, entertainment energy and attention away from his kid to fuel his own gross selfishness, but then pushing it WAY over the top by actually trying to blame the poor kid for his own many betrayals. It’s sick. I honestly hope that you get full custody and he never sees that poor kid again.

And OP responded:

Honestly? That's the part that screams out loud to me. The betrayal of our son. I could laugh my way through a divorce when it comes to him being taken by a scammer through an AI sex app, but I am angry as hell about what this is putting my son through. I'm pushing for full custody and demanding that he undergo full psychiatric evaluation before I even consider as much as supervised supervision.