Woman's uncle mocks her vegetarianism, she slams him about his messy divorce. AITA?
"AITA for bringing up my uncle-in-law's divorce when he wouldn't stop berating me?"
VeggieBurden
In 2010, I (35F) was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. My GI recommended avoiding red meat to reduce inflammation. Over the years, I've just ended up nixing meat altogether and my body has responded extremely positively. I don't care if other people eat meat around me and I don't try to convert.
Yesterday, my partner's (34M, "Joel") parents hosted a family barbeque. There were about 30 people (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandkids). They're a lovely group with the exception of "Dave" (50sM) who is "that" uncle.
A few years back, "Dave" and his ex-wife (no longer part of the family) went through a nasty divorce. Dave is a raging alcoholic. There were affairs on both sides. Everyone knows.
One of the other habits I've developed over the years is eating standing up when it's appropriate. Predictably, Dave meanders over to me and starts mocking my "liberal food" and how I was eating, saying my standing was making everyone uncomfortable.
It was a casual barbeque, I wasn't the only one standing. He tried to put some of his brisket on my plate saying he'd "convert me for my own good". This isn't his first anti-vegetarianism tirade he's aimed at me.
Finally, he took a bite of his burger and gave me a big grin while chewing, bits of still being chewed burger visible in teeth and says, "MMM! Meat!" and laughs, spewing food everywhere. I'd had enough.
I said, "Y'know Uncle Dave, while we're on the topic of criticizing each other's life choices, you'd probably still be married if you'd gotten your drinking under control years ago instead of screwing the first waitress willing to fall that low."
Everyone within earshot fell quiet and stared. Dave said "I don't have to put up with this BS" and left. The family is split by my outburst. The cousins (including Dave's kid) and Joel are all on my side. My MIL and FIL expressed discomfort, but think he had it coming.
The aunts and uncles, however, have bombarded me with texts stating how inappropriate and cruel I was and I shouldn't expect invites if that's how I was going to act. AITA? Did I go too far?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
djluminol
Once again, the woman is the better insulter. I'm telling you they all just seem to have a natural talent and quick wittedness towards it. NTA You can't throw bombs and expect there to be no response.
DirkysShinertits
NTA. He kept bothering you until you were forced to react. And let's face it, you know other people at the gathering were all thinking he deserved what you said and had probably wanted to say something similar to him. He sounds like an absolute moron and hopefully he attends fewer family dinners.
Chance-Contract-1290
NTA. There's a reason that I'm a fan of "Don't dish it out if you can't take it." It isn't his business what you eat or don't eat, and the only thing he needed to do "for your own good" was leave you alone.
God_of_Mischief85
NTA. Let those who are defending dear old Dave deal with his a$$h0l3 ways, and if they don’t invite you to any functions that they host… no big loss.
bamf1701
NTA. He was being extremely nasty and rude to you with absolutely no reason or excuse to be, other than him enjoying being a bully. This is a perfect case of someone not being able to take what they dish out. And, let's face it - he lest you alone after that, so mission accomplished.
As far as the rest of the family goes: if they were better at making the alcoholic family member behave, or had come to your defense when he was obviously bullying you, as opposed to just letting him get away with his bad behavior, you wouldn't have had to resort to what you said.
And it's telling that your aunts and uncles are threatening you with being banned from family events for what you said, but have put up with the drunk's bullying you (and I assume other people) with no consequences for him.
That is hypocrisy at its finest. Perhaps you ought to point this out to them. At the least, you sent a message to your uncle that you are not an easy target - that you will fight back.
Altruistic-Target-67
NTA. He wouldn't stop until you got as rude as he was, and anyone saying you should have accommodated his behavior ad nauseam is also an a-hole. There comes a point in time when people need to be called out for their rudeness, i'd say he was well overdue.
sh!!t_azz_mcf0cknuts
NTA, I can’t stand people like “Dave” they claim they are just joking and you need to lighten up while doing things with the sole intention of provoking a response from you. “Dave” is an attention seeking bully. Those people are all the same.
The second you stood up for yourself he did what they all do and immediately become the victim and run away to complain to anyone with ears. I’m glad you stood up to him. Now he knows not to be stupid with you anymore.
PatrickChipp
I was diagnosed with Ulcerated Colitis at age 18. Bleeding from the bowels. Just take care of yourself. Avoid stuff that makes you sick, cheese being one. Avoid any medication that causes constipation (I.E Pain killers of any type). No more coffee unless decaffeinated. Take your medication on time and you should be ok.
For UC or Chrons, you treat the pain at it's source. The inflammation. You take care of that, there won't be any pain. I'm 33 now with Avascular Necrosis and UC. Surgeons gave me approx 25 years left to live.