'AITA for wanting to divorce my husband after he gambled away all our savings and put our home at risk?'
"AITA for wanting to divorce my husband after he gambled away all our savings and put our home at risk?"
Infamous-Tiger-1941
I’m honestly struggling with what to do here. My husband (34M) and I (32F) have been together for almost a decade, and I thought we were solid. We’ve got a son, who's my world, and we’re living in a house that was a gift from my parents. They wanted us to have a stable start, something secure. I can’t believe I’m even considering divorce, but here we are.
A few months ago, I started noticing weird changes in him. He’d stay up all night on his phone or disappear for hours, and he’d get defensive whenever I asked what he was up to.
I figured maybe it was work stress, maybe he just needed space, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But then one day, I got a call from a loan company asking about a missed payment on a loan I had no clue about.
Turns out, he’s been gambling, and it’s not just a “one-time thing.” He emptied out our savings account money we’d put away for emergencies, for our son’s future, for just living a good life and he’s taken out this loan in secret.
I’m absolutely devastated. The worst part? If he doesn’t get it under control, we could lose our house. The house my parents gave us so we’d never have to worry about a place to call home.
When I confronted him, he said it was “just a one-off thing” and that he’d stop, but I found out later that he hasn’t. He’s still gambling, and he doesn’t see it as a real issue.
I suggested therapy or some kind of support group, anything to help, but he just shuts me down every time, saying he doesn’t need “professional help” and that he can quit anytime he wants. But he hasn’t quit. He just keeps making excuses.
This has hurt our entire family. He’s stopped being involved with our son, barely spends time with him, and when he is around, he’s either irritated or distant. I feel like a single parent already, doing everything for our son while he spirals. I’m trying to keep it all together, but it’s getting so hard.
Part of me feels terrible for even thinking about divorce. He’s my husband, and I want to support him, but how can I when he’s refusing any help and gambling away everything we’ve worked for?
I can’t keep putting my son through this stress, and I don’t want him to grow up in this mess. I’m trying to keep our lives stable, but it’s impossible when my husband is putting us at risk like this. So, AITA for wanting out? I never thought I’d be considering divorce, but at this point, I don’t know what else to do.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Curvy_Gally
You're not the asshole. Your husband's gambling addiction threatens your family's security. Prioritize yourself and your son. Consult a lawyer to protect your assets.
Infamous-Tiger-1941 (OP)
You are right i will contact my lawyer asap! Thank you!
GroundbreakingPhoto4
It 100% is only going to get worse. If he was taking accountability and showing remorse there might be some hope, but he is not. Get out before your life is completely destroyed. You'll be homeless and in debt. Get divorced ASAP. If he sorts his shit out down the line you could discuss reconciliation, but you need to separate financially NOW.
Nikosma
If he's on the house deed, have him sign a quitclaim deed. If he claims his gambling isn't a problem and isn't willing to seek help, then he should have no problem signing one. The lawyer will know additional ways to protect the house for you and your son. Your husband is stealing your security and stability.
StrdyCheeseBrngCrckr
100% this. Also, he can’t have it both ways. Doesn’t want to admit he has a problem and that he needs professional help because he can stop any time he wants, so going with that logic, he’s making a conscious choice to put his home and family at risk. That is just not ok.
Divorce is the ONLY option because you need to protect yourself, your son, and your home. If he gets a lot of help after that, maybe there’s still a way to salvage the relationship, but legally, you need to divorce him. Take his name off of every account you both have access to, you need to ensure that he no longer has any access to your money.
Also, when a judge orders child support, hopefully they can have it come directly from his paychecks so that it reduces the amount he has access to and you and your son are guaranteed what you are owed. I’m so sorry you are going through this. It is a completely devastating situation.
Longryderr
Pull the pin. You will never get ahead. He will ruin you.
Infamous-Tiger-1941 (OP)
He needs to admit that he has an addiction and then get help otherwise he will ruin everything!
CapOk7564
babes he’s already ruined everything. you have no savings, nothing to fall back out. he doesn’t care about you or y’all’s son in any way. he only cares abt his addiction.
acee971
NTA but you’ve got to take action fast. Call a lawyer today and find out your options to mitigate your risk and your son’s risk. Gambling is a tough addiction to break if you’re committed to it, but he doesn’t even think he has a problem.
He will ruin your life if you stay. I’m not even saying you can’t try to stay in a relationship, but you need to financially separate for yourself and your son. Good luck, OP. So sorry you’re going through this.
TripleDoubleFart
NTA. If you are trying to help him and he's refusing to get help, then you need to divorce him or he's going to bring you down with him. He's addicted and he's not just going to change that.