'AITA if I divorce my husband for abandoning me via text after I supported his 'solo' career?'

"My (25F) husband (25M) of 2 months abandoned me via text after I spent 6 years supporting his "solo" career. Am I right to divorce him?"

I will try to make it short : We have been together since we were 19 (he is a South African who studied in France for his undergrad). My life has revolved around his career goals. After undergrad, he moved to South Africa for a consulting firm without even asking for my opinion.

He broke up with me then, went no contact, and then came back months later saying it was the mistake of his life. He promised me he would never leave again, that he wanted to be the father of my children, and that after his 2-year contract in South Africa, he would move back to Paris so we could finally start our life in February.

I believed him. I did 2 years of long distance. I waited. I supported him emotionally while he worked 80-hour weeks. I ignored the red flags because he kept saying, "It's almost over, I can't wait to be back in Paris."

The hardest part is that when we are together in person, he is the nicest and best husband on earth. He does so much for me, and I love him for who he is in those moments. It’s that version of him that made me believe the promises.

He proposed in June and we got married legally in October. I just took a permanent job (CDI) in Paris because that was our shared plan. But the moment we were married, he flipped the script.

He suddenly announced he’s not coming back to Paris (or at least not for the longterm). He now wants an MBA at a top-tier Ivy League school in the US, then a job in Cape Town and then a Masters in Asia. When I told him he was breaking his promise, he told me I wasn't being a supportive wife.

He told me to my face that if he moved to Paris, he would be the one sacrificing everything, and that I haven't sacrificed anything for him. He basically called my 6 years of loyalty and 2 years of long-distance waiting nothing.

He also has massive double standards with our families. His mom is very controlling and he values her opinion more than anything. He claims I don't do enough for his parents, even though I worked for his mother for a month for free. Meanwhile, he has never even wished my parents a happy birthday.

In late November he was diagnosed with burnout. I had a trip booked to see him in South Africa for New Year’s (10 days). First, he made me cancel our Cape Town holiday plans to stay at his parents' house. Then, he tried to tell me he was going into a burnout clinic (mental health facility clinic) for 5 of the 10 days I was there. When I got upset, he promised to move the appointment to after I left.

The day before my flight, he called and said, "My mom called your dad. You aren't coming. My family doesn't want you here." He told me I wasn't allowed to come because his dad had health problems and he needed to drive him to appointments. I told him I wanted to be there to help and support the family, but he just said no, you're not coming.

A day after, I sent a long message and told him that I couldn't be destroyed like this anymore and that he was putting his career and his mom over me. He didn't fight. He didn't apologize.

He just messaged back a day after and said, "Yeah, we have different visions," and suggested we talk in the future when we've "healed." He pushed me to the edge until I was the one who had to suggest walking away, just so he didn't have to be the "bad guy" who ended it.

I am devastated. I am crying every day and can’t get out of bed. I’m 25, I’m his wife, and he disposed of me via text because he’d rather have an imaginary career and his mother’s approval than a marriage. Am I right for asking for a divorce? Should I have fought more?

How do I get over the fact that he chose his ego, his imaginary career and his mom’s approval over a real life with me? Is there any way I could make him change?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Briscogun said:

ABSOLUTELY! FIle the papers today! You've done more than enough for this guy. He sounds like an awful, selfish, control freak (looks like he learned that from his parents, they sound awful too). You are still young enough to have a full, rich, happy life. Be glad you are doing this now and not 10-15 years down the road. Run, do not walk to the best divorce attorney you can find!

BeholdTheseComics said:

Why did you get married when you were even living in the same country together. Hell, where'd you file your marriage certificate? This is strange. WTF is a "burn out" clinic?

Eta: Googling "burn out clinic" just pulls up a burn out clinic that exists in France, this is so weird.

AnxiousTelephone2997 said:

Your husband is treating you as an accessory to his life, instead of as the fully autonomous human being you are. Not only are you right for asking for a divorce, you would be foolish not to. This man is selfish and short sighted. He will never be the equal partner you deserve.

OP responded:

Yes, I had an “us” vision while he had a “me” vision. It’s hard to accept that I loved him so much for all this time. I feel like a failure to ask for a divorce so soon after a wedding…

Interesting-Turn6222 said:

File those papers girl. Cry. Rant. Rave. Scream. Sign those papers. Go to dinner. Celebrate. You will be fine. You will be okay. 🫂

OP responded:

Thanks a lot. It’s very hard because my brain seems to only see the good parts of him. But the way he discarded me should open my eyes… eventually I will be fine <3

BraveWarrior-55 said:

"Is there any way I could make him change?" No there isn't. But why do you want to continue a relationship with a man this awful?? Everything revolves around him. He throws you crumbs to keep you around and you are happy with them. He is too enmeshed with his mommy (to your detriment) and he prioitizes you maybe about 5th in his life.

You deserve more. STOP begging him for love and find a man who actually does love and cherish you. Why don't you think you deserve better?? That is the question.

OP responded:

I thought maybe it’s due to his burnout. But true he is too attached to his mom and doesn’t prioritise me. I hope there’s a man in this world that will see me as a priority I thought I was asking for too much, turns out im just asking the wrong man​​​​​​​