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'AITA for divorcing my wife after she refused to help me financially in difficult times?'

'AITA for divorcing my wife after she refused to help me financially in difficult times?'


"AITA for divorcing my wife after she refused to help me financially in difficult times?"


I(30M) am divorcing my wife(30F) of 4 years because she did not help me financially when I needed it. I work in a very niche industry and last year or so has been really difficult due to market conditions. Many of my colleagues got laid off and so was I.

At the time, I had newly refurnished our home so I was in debt. My wife also works but she earned less than me back then. I went to her and asked if she can help me while I search for work.

I proposed that we should sell some of the gold that was given to us at the wedding. We live in Turkey and there is a tradition of giving gold to newlyweds to help them financially.

These are meant to be used during difficult times. She rejected the idea and said "I do not want to sell my gold". I tried to reason with her by saying closing the debt would greatly help us to have a more stable financial situation.

She refused and told me to sort it out myself somehow. I asked her to at least use some of her savings and I can pay it back. Context here is that I let her save most of her earnings while paying most of the things myself due to women being vulnerable to financial changes more than men here.

I wanted her to build her own savings and made sure to help her with the retirement account as well. I asked her to give me some of her savings for debt and I can pay her back once I sort myself out. She refused that, too.

This period had been extremely difficult for me. I fell into depression and contemplated my choices in life. Funny thing is everything was going great before this and I thought we would stay together through thick and thin.

My older sister helped me to pay the monthly installments during that time (god bless her soul). At the beginning of this year, I found a great job in the same industry and am thrilling right now.

I could not look at my wife in the same way after what happened and started divorce talks with a lawyer friend of mine. Last month, I let her know my decision and she was served with divorce papers soon after.

For her, apparently it was an unexpected thing and she was shocked. She tried to talk me out of it but I was firm in my decision. Families tend to be involved with each other here and that was the case for us too.

She put families in between as mediators but I do not want to be married to someone who'll not help me during difficult times, especially when I was considering their financial well-being.

Most of my family supports my decision though they would like me to reconsider it if possible. I know every other thing is without a problem but I cannot get over what happened. AITA here?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


NTA. After marriage, there is only "we". We have his income and her income, and we choose to spend them like THIS. In your case, to build the wife's savings. But when "we" that is, the unit that is the family of 2, gets a lower income, then we need to decide how we are solving it together.

She refused that. So she opted out of belonging to a family unit together with OP. The divorce is a logical conclusion of what she already chose to do.


NTA. You don't have a partner, you have a person who's fun to spend time with when things are good but is nowhere to he found when something happens.


Standard position from people that a man's value is only what he can provide. She showed you that was her position. You are better off moving on.


NTA. Marriage is through “thick and thin”. She sounds selfish and doesn’t care about you too much. I’d never be able to trust her again to have my back.


This right here OP. She's never been your true "partner ". She was a sham. Make certain you receive 50% of EVERYTHING--including the accounts that you encouraged her to put extra in. She figuratively killed the goose who laid the golden egg!


OP should ensure he gets half the gold too. Not for the monetary value but to make a point.

The OP responded here:


I think it's not possible. There was only one case of it but legal courts see it as the possession of bride according to my lawyer friend.


Just tell her family what happened. She refuses to be family when you need help and only thought of herself. You are not interested in a selfish person for a wife. She doesn’t see you as her husband, only an ATM machine. NTA.


NTA Marriage is supposed to be a partnership in the good times as well as the bad. She didn't seem to be a partner at any time. While you were trying to look out for her during good times for you to make sure she was set if she ever encountered bad times she took advantage of it, squirreling away her money.

When bad times arose for you she refused to be there for you. She doesn't want to be a partner, she only wants to be on the receiving end.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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