Father questions divorce after daughter begs to keep family intact despite wife’s affair. AITA?
"I want to divorce my wife after she cheated on me but my daughter is begging me to not divorce, and I do not know what to do."
ParticularFront3899
Forgive my English if I make any mistakes, my wife of 15 years cheated on me a month and half ago with her coworker, I'm 37, my wife is 38 and my daughter is 12. My wife got depressed and she quit her job a months ago.
No matter what I asked or did she didn't improve at all. This happened 3 weeks ago, when she came to me with confession that she cheated on me when she went for drinks with her coworker and after drinking they hooked up at his place.
She told me that it was just a one time thing but he recorded everything, when she didn't want to do it with him, he started forcing her and sent her the video and blackmailed her.
She showed me all the texts and yeah I can confirm that she's speaking the truth. She said she made a mistake and doesn't want to break our marriage and wants my help with taking him to court and this was the reason why she quit her job.
I got very angry, 15 years. 15 years and she did this. I said we are divorcing. She started crying and said that she needs me and she just made one mistake and instead of helping her I'm abandoning her. She quit her job and would look for another job somewhere else but she needs me and I said no to everything and we are divorcing.
Now my daughter, there's no one more important to me than my daughter, she's angry at me for divorcing, she's angry at her mom as well, but she begs me not to divorce.
She says she has talked to her mom and she will never do anything like this again and divorce would lead to breaking our family and she doesn't want to jump from house to house.
She begged me not go with divorce and give her mom another chance. My wife keeps telling me that she will do everything I ask for. She says she will look for a job somewhere else and keeps telling me to help her and save her, she just made a mistake.
I tried explaining everything to my daughter as best I could, but she wouldn't listen. When I said I'm divorcing and it's final, she stopped talking to me. Only my family and her's know about this.
Everyone keeps saying that my wife made a mistake and I should give her another chance, throwing away my relation and putting my daughter through this over a mistake isn't a good idea, i should think about my daughter.
Now I do not know how to convince my daughter. At this point, I only care for her, my parents are no more. I used to care for my siblings but when they kept saying i should forgive her for one mistake. I lost all my love for them.
My question right now is should I stay with my wife for my daughter's sake and work on our marriage cause she is genuinely remorseful for what she did otherwise she could have continued her affair. I do not know what to do.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
EzMowgli
Would she have told you if she wasn't being blackmailed? Divorced dad's can still be great fathers. She'll see that, just maybe not right away.
Carbon-Base
She's way too young to understand what's going on here. But she's just a kid and is trying to keep her family together, can't blame her for that. OP is NTA for ending the marriage though. If your wife genuinely didn't want to cheat on you, she should have come to you when everything started, maybe the marriage could have been saved then.
SpringfieldMO_Daddy
NTA - don't let a 12 year old decide the trajectory of your life. That would make you an AH.
BlueGreen_1956
NTA Do not stay for your daughter's sake. Being remorseful does not erase what she did. She went to his place with the express purpose of cheating on you. End of story. End of marriage.
Popular_Document1399
NTA. A 12 year old cannot make these decisions. Your wife cheated on you and destroyed your marriage. It is heartbreaking, but she will ultimately have to come to terms with the fact that her parents will be divorced sooner or later. Good luck OP.
-KristalG-
NTA. Your daughter is being manipulated by your soon to be ex.
AssassinStoryTeller
So INFO since English isn’t your first language this might just be a result of that. You state “he recorded everything, when she didn’t want to do it with him, he started forcing her and sent her the video and blackmailed her.” Was your wife consenting in any of this or is she viewing her rape as cheating?
keephopealive4you
Go to therapy, and take your daughter to therapy so they can help her understand this complex situation. The marriage is already broken, that’s is on her mother, not you. NTA.
theWireFan1983
At the very least, the blackmailer should face consequences... perhaps criminal charges?
VariationX7
NTA-Your wife is a POS scumbag who doesn't give a crap about you or your family. She went to her 12 year daughter and brought her into your problems by manipulating her after she failed to that with you. She is a giant scumbag and you should get far away from her and honestly should document this for future legal issues ( custody etc).
Cursd818
NTA. Cheating isn't a mistake. It's a choice. Your wife made a series of very bad choices, all of which betrayed you. And whether you stay or leave is solely up to you. Your daughter doesn't want things to change.
She also, at twelve, doesn't fully understand what's going on. All she sees is her heartbroken mother and you walking away. There is a big difference between knowing what someone has done, and understanding it, especially when one person is portraying themselves as the victim.