'AITA if I do not invite my groom/bridal party's SO's to my destination wedding?'
"AITA: If I do not invite my groom/bridal party's SO's to my destination wedding?"
I (23F) am getting married in 2026 to my Fiancée (24M). We will be having a destination wedding in DR. I am a very intimate, private person and have always had my heart set on only our closest family and friends coming.
My four best friends and my fiancée's four best friends, plus both of our immediate families are the only people invited. Last night while we were discussing arrangements, I was informed that 2 of my fiancée's groomsmen (one being his best friend since birth) may not be able to attend due to the fact that I am not allowing them to bring their spouses.
For the wedding we have rented a large 12BR celebration Airbnb where everyone will be sleeping, with a private beach where the ceremony will be held. We are paying for everyone to come and be a part of this 3-day event. Food, travel, and lodging, it is right at our budget for all 25 people without including the spouses.
Both men are in long term (5+ years) but not married relationships and both have told my fiancée, "There is no way she will let me go to DR without bringing her, all this is going to do is cause problems." Now, this is where I might be the ahole. Although we cannot afford to pay for them to bring their spouses, one asked if we could pay for his way and he pay for his GF's.
I informed him this would not be happening because we do not have the space for her to sleep and it wouldn't be fair since my bridesmaids have this same stipulation placed on them and have agreed to leave their bf's at home. HELP.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
galacticprincess said:
I honestly wouldn't want to go to a destination wedding without my spouse. Very different from doing this at a local wedding. You're within your rights to make whatever arrangements you like, but I'm not surprised people are not attending. You're not an ahole for applying the rule equally to every guest, though.
Ok_Platypus3288 said:
I mean….yeah YTA. “please travel to another country to celebrate our marriage, but we won’t recognize the people youve chosen to spend your lives with as important enough to be invited.” These aren’t short term relationships, you’re talking 5+ years long. If the person it’s important enough to be best man, their significant other is important enough to be invited.
Typically I fall in the “your wedding, your rules” category but not inviting significant others is a major no no. It’s fine if you don’t want to pay for them, but man, that seems like an poor hill to die on.
Can you imagine if your fiancé said “hey I’m going to go spend a few days in another country with my friends, their significant others friends, and their family and all stay in a house together. But you aren’t invited” plus, one has been best friends since infancy, that’s basically family. I’m guessing you’d be hurt if family didn’t recognize your relationship.
jmgolden33 said:
NAH. Your party and your rules. But you can't be mad if your very specific vision doesn't work for some of the invitees. It's perfectly reasonable that they'd only want to attend with their significant others.
EmceeSuzy said:
Sorry but YTA - you are being selfish. It is not socially acceptable to invite people to an overseas wedding without their significant others.
Primary-Friend-7615 said:
It’s rude not to give your wedding party a plus-one to a regular wedding. It’s doubly so to a destination wedding, where your guests and wedding party are burning vacation time on top of all of the normal wedding costs.
And you won’t even let them if they pay for their partner’s travel themselves?? YTA. Sure, “your wedding your rules”, but you need to reassess whether your “privacy” is worth ruining your husband’s friendships.
HidingWithBigFoot said:
YTA. It’s pretty standard that everyone in the bridal/grooms party get plus ones, esp since they’ve been with their partners for a while. I wouldn’t go either if my husband wasn’t invited.