Teen refuses to babysit mom's 'do-over' family; 'you abandoned me.' AITA?
"AITA for describing my mom's second marriage and her younger kids as her do over family?"
Gold_Ad_7011
I (17f) lost my dad when I was 5. My parents were married but I remember dad being more present in my early memories than mom and when my dad died, I know my mom wasn't there for me.
She left me to raise myself or she roped in some extended family to take care of me, usually grandparents. But she wouldn't always do that and I was sort of forced to become independent and more mature in some ways to raise myself.
Like I had to make sure I ate, did homework, got to school on time all without my mom helping me. The most she'd do is make some food but she wouldn't even tell me she had.
I usually had to search the fridge to find it. My grandparents were the ones who celebrated my birthdays with me and they were the ones who typically went to my school for parent conferences.
My mom doesn't know me. She couldn't tell you what classes I take in high school, what my favorite food or color is, who my friends and best friends are, nothing. Five years ago she met her husband Sam and pretty quickly, like before they were living together, my mom got pregnant. So, Sam moved in and my mom married him.
Her first child with him was born 4 years ago and her son followed along 2 years ago. And right away, I see the difference in how my mom is with them. She knows them, she loves them, she dedicates time to them, she advocates for them.
All the things I do not remember her ever doing for me. She eats with them and plays with them and she takes her daughter to preschool every day and takes her for a treat after.
It sucks to see. I didn't get a good mom but I see she had it in her to be a good mom and chose not to be. Sam isn't as good as my dad was though. But he's still better than my mom ever was to me.
Last week my mom asked me to babysit for her and Sam and I said no. My mom was shocked and asked me why I wouldn't babysit. I told her I had work and I had plans with friends. She told me she would have expected me to want time with the kids.
I told her I don't want time with her do over family. She asked me what that meant and I said Sam and the kids are her do over family. She is a better mom to her younger kids and she and Sam have created their own perfect little family with them and their kids.
But she was never that for me. I told her I have zero interest in helping her out with the do over family and I pointed out that it was the most she had said to me in years, because she normally doesn't talk to me or include me in anything and the only reason she was speaking to me is because she wanted something.
She was all "how dare you say that about Sam and the kids" and she told me I had an awful attitude and she hopes the kids never pick up on how I feel about them and their dad.
She told me they deserve better than being described that way and she told me I had some nerve to be jealous that her kids have a happy family life. I laughed and told her she only cared about them and that was clear. She called me a nasty little b-word. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP:
blooblanafoofana
I mean no, NTA, you are right and we're blunt about it. You're mum didn't want to hear your truth. It sounds like you have your head screwed on right but I would start making plans for when you can get out of there. College is amazing, you can find your own chosen family.
The OP responded here:
Gold_Ad_7011
I plan to go into a trade because college isn't in the cards for me. But I already have plans for what will happen when I turn 18 in a few months.
Crunchbite10
As a tradesman here’s my unsolicited advice, Make sure you join union if you can. Trade unions in America (assuming you are there) are not the best by any means but you don’t wanna be caught doing electrical work or masonry work without being in one. It’s too hard of work to not get paid union wages. But starting so early can be good for your retirement/bennies. I wish you luck.
Comfortable-Sea-2454
NTA - your "egg donor with a uterus" was not there for you. She is now for her "second chance" family. You owe her nothing.
"My mom doesn't know me. She couldn't tell you what classes I take in high school, what my favorite food or color is, who my friends and best friends are, nothing."
If she brings this up again ask her these questions and see what her answers are. When she can't answer, she will throw a fit, but you will have made your point with her.
MrsPomMummy
NTA. Your mum wasn't and isn't there for you and it must really hurt to see her be the mum you had wished for. You understandably lashed out at her and in response she cussed you out, which is not acceptable.
You didn't attack the kids, you absolutely directed your anger at the right recipient. Hold out. It's going to be better and you'll be able to find your chosen family or be with the family members you want to be soon. I wish you the best of luck and happiness in your future.
Otherwise_Degree_729
NTA. Talk to your grandparents, see if they can take you in and try to save the money you get from your job. You’re 17 years old, you’re 18th birthday will be move out day.