'AITA for telling my husband I’m done playing second mom to his sister’s baby?'
"AITA for telling my husband I’m done playing second mom to his sister’s baby?"
I (29F) have been married to my husband (31M) for four years. His sister Hannah (24F) had a baby last year, and ever since, it feels like I became the default babysitter.
When Hannah first had the baby, she was overwhelmed fair enough. My husband and I helped a lot those first few weeks: grocery runs, cooking meals, babysitting so she could sleep. But as time went on, the “help” never stopped.
Now it’s constant. If she wants to go out, she calls me. If she has an appointment, she asks me to watch the baby. Even when she just wants a nap, she expects me to drop everything and come over.
My husband keeps saying, “She’s family, we have to help her,” but it’s gotten to the point where I’m rearranging my work schedule and plans to accommodate his sister’s child.
What really pushed me over the edge was . I had a long shift and came home exhausted. The baby was already at our house Hannah had dropped her off because she had a “date.” My husband didn’t even ask me first. He just said, “She really needed this break.”
I told him that I’m tired of being treated like the backup parent. I didn’t choose to have this baby, and I shouldn’t be expected to act like I did. He got defensive and said I’m “overreacting” and that I should have “more empathy.”
I told him I’m done I will not watch Hannah’s baby anymore unless it’s an emergency. He said I’m being “cruel” and “selfish,” and now his whole family is gossiping about how I “abandoned” them when they needed me.
I love my niece, but this situation is draining me. I didn’t sign up to raise someone else’s child. AITA for telling my husband I’m done playing “second mom” to his sister’s baby?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Let his whole family step in from your ‘abandonment’.
WoefulCollision (OP)
if they’re so worried, they can babysit. I’m done being the convenient option.
If I arrived home and there was a baby there for me, I’d leave. Someone else decided the baby will be looked after. Let that person watch the baby, or any of the other relatives crying it’s not a big deal to have a baby dumped on them. Be unreliable in this forced babysitting situation, for as long as it takes.
Exactly! Her husband was the one who let his sister drop off the baby. I assume he was there with the baby. She should have said fine, you take care of the baby. It's your job since you volunteered.
The husband sounds like he thinks she should do it all instead of him. If he wants to watch his sister's kid, let him. If she needs help, he's welcome to help her. OP is definitely not a jerk for putting her foot down and setting a boundary.
Why doesn’t he watch his niece? You don’t have to be involved. Go to bed and shut the door and tell him to figure it out.
WoefulCollision (OP)
He made that promise, so he can handle it. I’m not part of the deal.
I’m sorry, but this Hannah sounds like a golden child spoiled brat that shouldn’t even had a child if she doesn’t want to be a mother and wants to go out and have dates or whatever. It’s not your responsibility to take care of someone else’s kid and your husband is enabling her. His whole family is. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like Hannah is very responsible.
well your husband can take care of his niece you should have changed clothes and went out, stop changing your work schedule he can take care of the kid just because you have boobs doesn't mean its your job.
NTA. You should have put your foot down a long time ago. I really hope you just went in the bedroom and shut the door, leaving your husband to look after the baby. If he has to do all the work, he won't be so quick to say yes.
When you walked in and saw the baby, you shouldn’t have said anything. You should have walked into your bedroom, grabbed a bag, and packed a few things. Then as you were walking out the door, you should have said “i need a break” and gone to a nice hotel and billed it to him. From now on, DO NOT BABYSIT, it’s your husband problem. Oh, and she is not your family, so she is not your problem.
Her parents can look after her baby. If you wanted to look after kids every day, you would have kids. Say no if you can't. Next time your husband says yes, plan to go out with your friends and leave him cook, clean, and fully take care of his niece by himself, he will soon enough start saying no too. He only says yes cause he knows you will likely do more of the real looking after. Stop being too nice.
Your husband doesn’t respect you. Why are you married to a man who doesn’t respect you. Where is the father in all of this? Where are her grandparents on either side? Personally, I would divorce over this. I am child free by choice, if I found myself the default babysitter and was bullying because I wanted to put a stop to it?
I would file for divorce. Please respect yourself and leave. This will only get worse as the baby gets older. How long until you’re pressured to quit your job and become the full time care giver?