'AITA for telling my dad's affair partner wife that I don't care about her and her kids' needs and wellbeing?'
"AITA for telling my dad's affair partner wife that I don't care about her and her kids' needs and wellbeing?"
Two years ago my mom found out dad was cheating on her and he moved in with his affair partner and her kids. Both dad and the affair partner "Martha" were married. Martha has two young kids with her ex husband (supposedly) and dad has me (16f) and my brothers (20, 22 and 25).
My brother's refused to have anything more to do with dad after the affair. But because I was 14 I didn't get the choice. My parents divorce took over a year and my dad and Martha have been married for a little under a year already.
Martha's ex husband doesn't want anything to do with their kids. So they're with Martha and dad all the time. I do what I can to be outside the house when it's dad's parenting time. He notices and complains but I told him I'm not playing happy family with his affair partner wife.
Dad tells me not to call Martha that and Martha has yelled at me in the past few months for using that term because she's afraid her kids will hear. I told them I don't care and I don't have respect for them.
I tell dad all the time he let me down and he destroyed our family and hurt us all. He says it shouldn't hurt me and my brothers and that he doesn't care if he hurts mom because she's so boring that nobody should be stuck with her. I aways tell him I can't wait for Martha to cheat on him.
My dad has to pay a certain percentage of all activities I'm a part of. Martha feels like it's unfair because I do so many and it takes money from their household so she told me I need to do one or two things and not all the things because her kids have needs and so does she and their wellbeing needs to be maintained.
I told her I don't care about their needs or wellbeing because they're not my problem. She said you're supposed to care about how your family is doing and I told her the affair partner wife of my cheating father will never be my real family and she could be homeless on the street for all I care.
Dad told me I have no right to talk that way to anyone and Martha has tried to be nice to me but I won't even be civil with him. I told him if he wants a civil household he should let go of his parenting time.
I told him I'm done at 18 regardless but he's the one punishing Martha's kids and Martha by forcing me to be here. He told me it doesn't give me the right to say I don't care about the wellbeing of a mom with two young kids. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA It always amazes me that parents can be this dumb.
Flashy-Station-4014 (OP)
OMG I know. He's only delaying the inevitable.
You seem very level headed, and very much aware of how it makes you feel. Your father is so self centered that he told you that your mom is boring (while yelling at you for calling her an affair partner, which she is…..).
Martha has no right to ask you to reduce your activities, your father is the one paying for half or if with your mum, for your benefit. She knew your father had a family, she cannot ask you to reduce your life style and to prefer her own kids in your detriment…You have the right to ask for the visitation rights to be reviewed.
I am flabbergasted that a grown man, father of 3, cannot simply apologize for cheating, for leaving, just explain that sometimes life turns out differently and that he is sorry it has an impact on you, but that you will remain important to him no matter what… no, he just wants Martha to be happy…
Flashy-Station-4014 (OP)
He's a grown man and father of four (I have three brothers). But with the way they act sometimes I wonder if he's the real father of Martha's kids. Not that it matters to me. But I ask myself that question sometimes.
Tell her to next time have an affair with a man who doesn’t have children. Then he will have more money to spend on her. How old are the children?
I would do MORE extra curricular just despite Martha and her kids. And it doesn’t matter if their kids dad doesn’t want anything to do with them. By law he has to pay child support and I’d tell Martha that YOUR dad isn’t her meal ticket to scam an easy life and have him pay for kids that aren’t even his.
To the detriment of his own biological child. And she has some nerve suggesting you reduce your extracurriculars to pay for her brats. She’s kidding herself.
NTA when your dad is older and none of his children deal with him he will regret his actions. Martha needs to get a job and take care of her children and stop trying to get you to take less activities. How often are you forced to go there?
Flashy-Station-4014 (OP)
I'm forced to go every other week.
If it’s ok for the father of Martha’s kids not to want to care about her and her kids, why should you? She should be putting all that energy towards the kid’s actual father. Not you. NTA.
She’s probably pissed because she’s realised she isn’t going to get the babysitting opportunity she thought she was going to have with you. Your dad can go kick rocks. What the heck does he expect.? Your brothers seem to have the right idea. Tell your dad and Martha to whinge at them. I bet they won’t like the answers your brothers would give them.
Looks like they’re taking all their frustrations out on you because you’re there. Your dad shouldn’t be criticizing your mum when he didn’t have the balls or sense to divorce her before starting an affair. Martha shouldn’t have had an affair with a married man and then expect everyone to be alright with it.
Seriously - she’s moaning at you for the amount of money your dad has to spend on you? Why is she asking you to care when she’s clearly prioritising her own children over you? She really is something else! Try and count to ten - in no time at all you won’t be forced to keep visiting them. Good luck.