'AITA if I don't invite my parents to my wedding since they won't accept I'm not in love with my BFF?'

"WIBTA if I don't invite my parents to my wedding because they can't accept I'm not in love with my BFF who's a guy?"

I'm (28f) engaged to Shay (29m). We've been together for 5.5 years and engaged a few months now. The other week we sat down and talked out a tentative guest list for our wedding and I hesitated whether my family (mom, dad, brother and two sisters) should be on the list. I love my family but when it comes to my relationships outside the family they have always been weird about the fact my best friend is a guy.

Ben (28m) lived three houses away from us growing up and we became best friends as really young kids/toddlers. When we were younger it wasn't seen as a huge deal. But that's because it was assumed that we'd end up together and married.

My family always teased us about that and even when I started to get a little older, like into my teens, and told them Ben was just a friend and more of a brother to me, they didn't buy it. They acted like my world would end when Ben got his first girlfriend. They were shocked when I got my first boyfriend.

My parents suggested to me at a few stages in my life that I should find a girl to be best friends with and not Ben, because our relationship was a recipe for disaster. My siblings used to say we should just fuck and get it over with and then we'd see that we really did like each other.

I always felt weird hearing that because Ben was never someone I felt any romantic draw to and he feels the same way about me. There was no magic awakening of feelings at a certain point. Around college is when my family got more weird about it and they were always asking questions about why we stayed BFFs and never tried being together.

Even when I introduced them to Shay they acted surprised that I was taking those steps with someone other than Ben. And over the years I have told them they need to drop it and accept Ben is just my very best friend and is not a guy I'm secretly in love with.

They said Shay would never marry me as long as Ben's in the picture and then they acted so surprised when we did a social media announcement of our engagement with the best man (Shay's BFF) and the man of honor (Ben). They brought up that they felt like I was making a mistake and that I'm deluding myself into this belief that Ben is just a friend.

My family are nice to Shay and actually like him a lot. So it's not out of worry for how they'll treat him that I'm considering whether they should come. But they don't support us and they're just being really unfair about all of this and after so many years, so many discussions and even times where I have walked out because they wouldn't let this thing go.

I'm considering whether they'll just spend the whole day talking about how I should be marrying Ben or something. Shay supports me either way. He doesn't feel strongly one way or the other. He just wants me to be happy with my decision.

My family complained that they hadn't been asked about dates they're free for or other wedding related stuff from me. I told them since they don't really support this wedding I wasn't sure if they would be included.

They asked if that meant invited and I told them maybe. They couldn't believe I'd ever consider not inviting them. My mom and sisters said it hurt to think I'd entertain the idea. I explained where I was coming from and they said they are allowed to talk about stuff they want to and are allowed to find it strange that a man and woman can be platonically best friends without ever going romantic.

I feel like if this was an occasional thing I could maybe let it go, or if it was in the past, but they still question this shit and it's regular enough. So I feel like their presence could spoil it especially if they decide to talk about their weird obsession with me and Ben on my wedding day. But they're also my family ultimately. WIBTA if I don't invite them? WIBTA if I do? IDK anymore.

What so you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

DawnShakhar said:

NTA either way. It's your choice.

I find it significant that while your family are pressing on an invite, they aren't backing from their position about your relationships, and aren't even respecting your right not to have them continually harassing you about the subject.

Yes, they have the right to their opinions, but not to constantly repeat them. Since that is the situation, you have no guarantee that they won't turn your wedding into a drama fest with their negative comments. You have every right to exclude them, to protect your happy day.

OP responded:

It's so frustrating and it is significant that they're not reflecting on why and promising and showing they can let it go. They just act like it's an of course we'll bring it up thing, why wouldn't we. The fact they have held onto this for so many years is crazy to me.

timeforacatnap852 said:

My dad and that side of the family could never accept my (now) wife even though (aside for 5years at uni) ive dated her from 16, we’re now married and have a 6 year old (in our 40s). So yeah don’t listen to any of that meddling family BS.

Dishonest_Bread said:

NTA Firstly it is YOUR day. Do as you want you won't be TA in any of the circumstances. Secondly if you're going to invite them (I am sure they want to very much) have some kind of backup. Maybe a couple of guests or straight up guards to show them the way out if they begin acting up.

mayfeelthis said:

Honestly, sounds like they are hung up on a romance novel idea of childhood friends being together - I personally wouldn’t take it as disapproval (they’re good with Shay) and not invite them. Not inviting them to your wedding is saying you don’t want them in the next chapter of your life. Where maybe your wedding snaps them out of it.

NTA but just asking for drama over a childish ideal they held on to. I wouldn’t play into it. If anyone brings up Ben just tell them you will uninvite them to the wedding if they don’t stop - it’s childish, overplayed, and disrespectful to Shay/your marriage. Beyond that I wouldn’t.

And OP responded:

And what if it doesn't snap them out of it and they're still bringing it up when Shay and I have kids? Or what if they bring it up repeatedly at my wedding? That's kind of where my bigger concerns come from because we have talked about it before. I have literally walked out of their houses and walked away from conversations because they brought it up and kept doing so.

I suppose I could plan to invite them, warn them they won't be if they keep bringing up Ben and do so if/when they do.