'I don’t want my fiancé’s best friend’s wife to come to my wedding.'

"I don’t want my fiancé’s best friend’s wife to come to my wedding."

I don’t really know what to do and there is soooooooo much back story here but I am really stressing about this girl that’s invited to my wedding. I’m not really sure where to start because there is a lot that has led up to this moment. Ultimately, my fiancé has had “Mat” as his best friend for 20 years. Mat is a cool and solid guy but not trustworthy.

Mat just got married to “Kat” a couple weeks ago, but they had been engaged for three years, they were never in a rush to get married and any time anyone asked that’s exactly what they said. After my fiancé and I got engaged last winter and we knew we wanted a short engagement. Mat and Kat immediately started planning their wedding after they found out.

Any time I tried to talk to Kat about her wedding or otherwise she either gave me an attitude or flat out ignored me. Unless she has had a few drinks where she asks about “the tea”, she ignores my existence completely. When I attended her bridal shower and wedding she wouldn’t even look in my direction and when I went up to congratulate her she sounded less than enthused about it.

I recently found out that Kat has been saying terrible things about me when I’m not around and essentially tries to turn one of my closest friends against me (it seems to be working) according to the people I heard from that Kat was talking bad, they think she might be upset that I’m “stealing her man’s best friend from him” … but what? I don’t think that makes sense.

I don’t want her starting any drama at my wedding. I don’t want to be stressed that she and my other close friend are spending time together at my wedding. But this is technically my fiancé’s call… right? Since it’s his best friend’s wife? It’s as much his day as it is mine but I don’t want this girl bringing her shadow and putting a damper on the whole thing. What could the solution be here?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Capital-Emu-2804 said:

I think you are going to have alot more drama if you don't invite her tbh. Just don't sit her with your friends.

OP responded:

Yeah you’re right about the drama. We are having a small ceremony tho 40 people and there’s no seating assignment at the restaurant we booked. It’s a buffet and kinda just a lounge type of vibe

VariousExplorer8503 said:

Talk to your fiancé about all of this. You're under too much stress to carry this alone, and if you're truly a partnership, he'd want to know all of this and what you're thinking. Talk to him, and decide together.

And Weird-Cauliflower360 said:

Unfortunately, she’s your fiancé’s best friend’s wife and will be in your fiancé’s life in some way. Don’t give her any more attention than she deserves. Focus on your wedding and your fiancé. It’ll only fuel her more to call her out. And talk to your friend about her. If she’s believing her over you, then she really isn’t your friend.

And FrenchWineLady said:

You're looking for drama. She's the wife of your best friend's future husband, let it lie.

Two weeks later, OP shared this update:

Ok so fiancé and I talked. He had been growing kinda distant from this friend anyway so he basically told me that we won’t pay attention to them since it’s our wedding and afterwards we don’t really need to associate with them.

After this talk his best friend “Mat” called him on a Saturday afternoon and invited us to his son’s birthday party. When fiancé told me about this I asked who was gonna be there? Is it a small thing or was this planned and we were an “afterthought”. Mat’s wife “Kat” would have done all the inviting to the party. Well, we show up and we were definitely an afterthought.

This party was pretty HUGE. Grandparents and Great Grandparents were there. All their friends and their families etc. We ended up staying for a little bit but leaving before most of the others.

We kept to the plan we spoke about, even though the whole party thing hurt, especially since my fiancé is supposed to be this kids god parent. Anyway, wedding day comes and this group of friends is running late.

My fiance kept walking away from the officiant when they asked if we were ready to start to buy time for the friends to show up. They were probably 20 mins late. Whatever. I don’t care, I’m as cool as a cucumber and am just going with the flow of the day. We get through the ceremony without a hitch after they arrive.

After the ceremony we do posed pics. Family, friends, etc. we get to the girls pic and Kat is like “do you want me in this?” I’m agreeable cuz I’m in a fantastic mood and don’t really think anything of it. At the reception though some of my high school friends tell me Kat is being weird, rude and whatever. My other friend told me at the end of the night that Kat announced her pregnancy when I was in the other room.

All in all there was no direct drama with me and the day was everything i could have asked for and more. I think at this point we are planning on keeping these friends at arms length and just living our lives. Thanks to everyone who gave me constructive advice! It was helpful to get some outsiders perspective.