'AITA for telling my husband I don’t want his mom to stay with us for two months in our one-bedroom apartment?'
"AITA for telling my husband I don’t want his mom to stay with us for two months in our one-bedroom apartment?"
My (31F) husband (30M) and I have been married for a few months. His father passed away recently, and understandably, his mother is grieving. My husband and his sister have been trying to support her.
The issue is this: my mother-in-law may come stay with us for two months in our one-bedroom apartment. Our apartment is small. I work from home full-time, we have a cat, and we only have one bathroom. My husband works in-office three days a week.
His sister and her husband are also expecting their in-laws to visit during that time, so they can’t host the mother-in-law, and the MIL apparently doesn’t feel comfortable around them anyway. So she wants to stay with us—even though we have less space and privacy.
I initially asked for a six-month buffer before having family stay over long-term—just so we could adjust to marriage and living together. That boundary was acknowledged verbally, but now it’s being brushed aside because of “family duty.”
I said I’d be okay with a 3-week visit, but anything longer feels really overwhelming, especially in such a small space. I’ve also suggested an Airbnb, which I said I’d help pay for, but my husband and his sister don’t see that as reasonable.
Now I feel like I have only three options:
1. Say yes and live in stress for 2 months. 2. Move to a two-bedroom (which we can’t afford right now.) 3. Leave.
My husband says I’m catastrophizing and making this harder than it is. But I feel like I’m being emotionally blackmailed—that if I don’t agree, I’m cruel, ungrateful, or selfish.
I don’t hate my MIL. However, she did fat-shame me the day after my wedding, and expects me to help with domestic duties without asking my husband to lift a finger. I mostly just value having boundaries and privacy, especially during a vulnerable time in our marriage.
I’ve tried to compromise but feel completely cornered. AITA for standing firm on not wanting a 2-month stay in our one-bedroom apartment—even after a death in the family?
EDIT:
She is currently staying and can stay with my husband’s sister who has the space, but doesn’t want to during that time since her in-laws will be visiting for 1.5-2 months hence the duration. My MIL herself has said she wants to stay with my husband/her son.
EDIT 2:
His mother is highly dependent on others. She relied on her husband for everything. We’re South Asian.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Additional context: Why does you MIL need to stay with you for two months? Is there no were else she can stay, or is this just for emotional support since her husband died? If the latter, I would say NTA. 2-months is a LONG time to live with either your parents or in-laws in such a confined space. "Family Duty" does have boundaries as well.
No-Situation2950 (OP)
She is currently staying and can stay with my husband’s sister who has the space, but doesn’t want to during that time since her inlaws will be visiting for 1.5-2 months hence the duration. My MIL herself has said she wants to stay with my husband/her son.
NTA have a feeling once she moves in she might never leave. Where does she plan to sleep? Good luck!
No-Situation2950 (OP)
We were planning on setting up a futon/living corner in the living room. She’ll have to share it with the cat. I will NOT be giving up my bedroom and my husband has assured me that too.
NTA. You know they are gonna kick you outta your bedroom, right? Mommy won‘t be able to sleep on the couch because of whatever fake owie she has. By the time she leaves (if she ever leaves), your entire apartment will be rearranged to suit her.
Your cat will be gone and you’ll be out of a job because she will get you fired while you‘re trying to work from home. Stand up for yourself now and limit her visit to a week AT MOST. Two months and you can kiss your marriage goodbye.
Honestly at this point I wouldn't even allow her to stay one night. She can handle an Airbnb if she wants to come on a short visit. We're talking about a culture where children are often expected to house their older/widowed parents, and that's fine, but OP did not sign on for it.
Her husband has lied multiple times about their plans/expectations, and since her MIL has no plans for a living space beyond this proposed visit, there's no way he's expecting her to suddenly become independent and leave.
What does your lease say? My lease doesn't allow any guests for more than 14 days over a whole year. NTA. This is a hill to die on.
NTA. I shudder at the thought of having to share a small apartment with anyone besides my partner. Could someone stay instead with MIL at her place?
No-Situation2950 (OP)
We live in the US and her home was in India. She can’t live there alone apparently. She doesn’t know how to be on her own. She’s entirely dependent on others. Her husband but now he’s gone.
NTA. i swear some men think getting married means you just permanently become the help for their entire bloodline. she fat-shamed you after your damn wedding and expects you to cook and clean for her in a shoebox apartment while u work from home?? like i’m sorry, her grief is valid, but so is your sanity. you clearly tried to compromise and they’re just railroading you with guilt.
emotional blackmail isn’t "family duty" it’s just manipulation with a nice outfit. the fact your husband is minimizing all this should be a bigger convo to be honest... like is this how conflict’s gonna go every time his fam's involved?? cause whew.
NTA...This is a hard NO situation. Grieving or not, his mother is an adult, and can understand the basic logistics involved. You don't have the space or situation to house long-term guests. If your husband doesn't understand that or respect your wishes; this will set the stage for your entire marriage.