'AITA for not being OK with my husband’s ex moving into our guestroom?'
"AITA for not being OK with my husband’s ex moving into our guestroom?"
My husband (34M) and I (29F) recently bought our first home together, and we were excited to finally have a space that was ours. A few weeks ago, my husband’s ex-wife (32F) reached out to him with a request that completely threw me off she asked if she could move into our guest room for a couple of months.
She recently broke up with her boyfriend, lost her apartment, and claims she has nowhere else to go.
I understand they share an 8-year-old daughter, and they have a good co-parenting relationship, but this feels like too much. My husband didn’t even consult me before telling her it “might be possible.” He just expected me to be OK with it because it’s “temporary” and “for the sake of their daughter.”
I offered to help her find another solution, even offering to chip in for a hotel or a rental, but my husband shut that down, saying I was making things difficult for no reason.
He’s been pushing hard, saying their daughter would benefit from her mom being nearby during this “transitional” time, but it feels manipulative to use their daughter as an excuse. Plus, his ex has started texting him constantly way more than usual and he’s acting like her emotional support system.
I can’t help but feel like this is crossing a line. They’re divorced, yet now I’m supposed to live with both of them under one roof? It feels like I’m being pushed out of my own home.
This morning things got worse. His ex texted me directly, saying I must not care about their daughter if I’m unwilling to help. That’s just not true! I care about their daughter, but I never agreed to share my home with his ex-wife. I feel like I’m being made out to be the bad guy here when all I want is reasonable boundaries.
Now my husband and I are barely speaking. He’s acting like I’m heartless for not wanting to help, but I feel like I’m being forced into a situation that makes me deeply uncomfortable. So, AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. The entire idea is just ridiculous, really. Like not even worthy of entertaining ridiculous.
Iamyoursugarplum OP resp;onded:
I completely agree it feels like something out of a bad soap opera, right? I was honestly shocked when my husband didn’t see how absurd the whole thing was. I mean, who just invites their ex to live in their new home with their current spouse without even having a serious discussion first?
It’s like he doesn’t get how invasive and uncomfortable this is for me. Offering to help her in other ways seems more than fair, but having her move in? That’s a hard no. It’s a boundary I shouldn’t even have to explain!
NTA. its completely reasonable to feel uncomfortable with your husbands ex moving into your home especially since it wasnt discussed with you first even though they share a daughter and co-parenting is important that doesnt mean youre obligated to have his ex live with you its your home too and you should have a say in who lives there.
Iamyoursugarplum OP responded:
Exactly! Co-parenting is important, and I totally get that their daughter needs stability, but there are limits to what’s reasonable. It feels like my feelings and boundaries are being completely ignored just because they share a child. It’s not about being unsupportive it’s about maintaining a healthy distance and respect in our relationship.
I wouldn’t ask him to move one of my exes into our home, so I don’t see why this situation should be treated any differently. I feel like I’m being pressured into something I’m really uncomfortable with, and that’s not fair.
"His ex texted me directly, saying I must not care about their daughter if I’m unwilling to help." If they cared about their daughter they wouldn't have set up this insanely tense living situation and skewed her understanding of healthy boundaries. NTA
Iamyoursugarplum OP responded:
That’s exactly what I’ve been thinking. How is creating a tense, awkward environment beneficial for their daughter? It’s definitely not teaching her healthy boundaries. I’m all for supporting her well-being, but this situation seems like it would only cause more confusion and stress for everyone involved especially their daughter.
They’re trying to frame it as “what’s best for her,” but honestly, it feels more like they’re just avoiding other solutions that would be much healthier for all of us.
Definitely NTA and he's being a jerk if he can't understand your point of view and gaslight you by making you sound like the AH for not caring about their daughter and not wanting to help. That's totally ridiculous and disrespectful to you.
Is he always that with his ex? I'd be suspicious of this relationship.
Iamyoursugarplum OP responded:
It’s been really frustrating because he’s making me out to be the bad guy just because I don’t want to live with his ex. The whole “you don’t care about our daughter” argument feels manipulative and completely unfair. Of course I care about her, but that doesn’t mean I have to sacrifice my own comfort and boundaries.
As for his relationship with his ex, I wouldn’t say he’s always like this, but they’ve definitely kept in closer contact than I expected. He says it’s all about co-parenting, but lately, with the constant texting and emotional support he’s giving her, it’s making me uncomfortable.
It’s starting to feel like there’s something more going on, or at least a lack of respect for our relationship. It’s definitely raised some red flags for me.