'AITA? I don’t want to stop giving drum lessons to a student that my girlfriend wants me to drop.'

"AITA? I don’t want to stop giving drum lessons to a student that my girlfriend wants me to drop."

I (18m) am a young and ambitious drummer, I’ve toured a bit and spent time in the studio. I dearly hate my day job (Ace Hardware cashier) and I teach a couple of drum lessons per week to work towards being a professional drummer. (aiming for 6 students, currently have 2) and one of my students is a girl. I’d guess she’s in her late twenties.

Upon hearing this my girlfriend (20f) said that was sus. She didn’t like that I “spend alone time with a girl at my house” and “that I follow her on Instagram” when you phrase it that way, it does sound sus! But it’s a professional relationship, both of my students book an hour of my time in advance and pay me for it once a week.

And if they cancel on late notice, I charge a fee. Then they don’t hear from me all week till the next lesson is coming up and I need to confirm. male or female students both It’s an easy extra $200 a month, which goes to a couple date nights, and gas to go see with my girlfriend!

My other student is a guy, who my gf doesn’t mind, but he’s newer and far less lucrative for me because of it. My girlfriend suggested I drop my female student, so as to not prioritize a paycheck over her feelings. But I’m out here like, why would I do that!? The money is good, and I am doing nothing nefarious besides teaching drums, it’s good for my mental health!

Plus, I plan to quit my job and do this for real money. Keeping all of my clients as long as I can at this early stage is going to be a huge requirement. Building trust and solid professional relationships…not burning bridges and the date money they lead to, for jealousy relief. AITA?

The internet had a lot of things to say about the situation.

skeeballbob37 wrote:

NTA if you are teaching/coaching or anything like it you have your student and as long as you keep the relationship professional and within the confines of the lesson then she should be supportive.

The fact of the matter is in your post here you never even described the student (kind of shows you have no interest honestly) and your gf needs to either respect that you are trying to scrape a few extra bucks teaching or she should move on. you are doing nothing wrong here and she is being unreasonable.

OP responded:

Thank you bro. Yeah I’m not interested in my student at all. I just want to teach drums and have money for me and my girlfriends two allotted date nights per month.

MrSlackPants wrote:

Your girlfriend is insecure as hell. This is a tough one, because I would say have a conversation with your girlfriend about her insecurity and how it's detrimental to a relationship, but you both are also so young that I kinda doubt the message gets across to her.

She has a lot of growing to do if she wants to be in a healthy relationship. For me personally, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where (in my case) my wife would dictate who I hang out with and it must be men.

But luckily she is mature enough to "allow" me to hang out with whoever I want and I give her the same treatment. She can hang out with whoever she wants. I can have an opinion about it, I can voice it, but I do not dictate it.

The same goes for her. A relationship, to succeed, must be built on trust. And she doesn't trust you. (Due to her own insecurity) Not a good foundation to build a relationship on. NTA. In any case.

OP responded:

Dude thank you. She says she trusts me, but also says that she “knows I’m capable of cheating” and “has her guard up” she gets insecure about all kinds of things like my student here for instance.

However I’ll tell you from one man to another, I am not capable of cheating, dude! I’d never bring myself to that, no f#$king way! She just does not trust me!! It’s a major issue to the relationship and my mental wellbeing.

Thin-Mathematician94 wrote:

Your gf is an insecure brat. If she’s been cheated on before that’s a her problem for not healing before moving on to a new relationship. I wouldn’t drop the student that could hurt your reputation and have other potential clients turn away from booking with you.

If she wants to come over while you’re giving the lesson that’s one thing but to try to make you choose between her and your dream is selfish and impractical.

AriasK wrote:

NTA you are too young to be dealing with this kind of controlling jealousy. Dump your girlfriend. Do not let her ruin your dream career before it's even started.

If you do become a professional drummer, that means paid gigs, live performances, being out late, playing in bars and clubs, being surrounded by intoxicated people, being surrounded by attractive girls, travelling etc. You need to be in a secure relationship with a high level of trust.

Pearglum1966 wrote:

It's not an issue to follow this girl. If she gets in a band and posts her drumming, of course you want to see how she is doing. Your gf doesn't trust you. If she did, this wouldn't be a concern for her.

Talk to her and explain that as a teacher, you need to be able to support your students, and that means following their progress. Social media included. I'd also tell her that if she doesn't trust you, then obviously, this relationship won't work out.

Attygalle wrote:

NTA. This is your future, It's an enormous part of who you are, your girlfriend will have to accept that. If she's already insecure right now, imagine what will happen when you get some real gigs for which you need to travel.

But - everything is in communication. Explain to her in a calm and not condescending way that this is who you are, that you see your future here. That it has nothing to do with your feelings towards her. It's a small red flag from her side to be controlling about stuff like this. But you are both very young and need to learn these things.