'AITA for telling my brother I don’t want to meet his kids after he abandon my late nephew because of his disability?'
"AITA for telling my brother I don’t want to meet his kids after he abandon my late nephew because of his disability?"
Downtown-Decision-37
Back when my “brother” Zeke was 21 he got his girl Sabrina pregnant, everyone was happy me included as this was going to be the first grandkid of the family. Fast forward of the birth of my nephew James, he was born with a very severe disability(cerebral palsy) it didn’t matter to me his mom my parents as for us he was so beautiful.
My brother as you can guess suddenly didn’t want to deal with what he called a “vegetable”. He broke up with Sabrina and just a stuck out to paying child support. He left the town.
Sabrina was obviously im distraught and me and my family were so angry at Zeke for abandoning his kid. Me and my wife supported Sabrina as we made the most and I would be damned before I allowed my nephew to suffer. I wish I could say James was still here but last year he and Sabrina got into a car accident (drunk driver) and died almost instantly. I still can’t believe they’re gone.
Zeke had the nerve to show up at the funeral with his new wife and 2 kids. Everyone was welcoming him with open arms and crying together I was so disgusted, I ignored him and left soon after.
I’m not no contact with my family I just don’t try anymore I don’t understand why the hell they’d forgive a piece of trash like him, my wife has been supportive of this she’s no longer close with my mom and sisters (they were really tight). The bastard has been trying to reach out to me though either through social media or through my parents and again I’ve just ignored and blocked them.
Last week he sent me a lengthy message begging for forgiveness he said he knew he was cruel to James and wanted to make amends he added how he really wanted his big brother back and how much he knows his sons would love me if I let them in my heart.
I responded telling him to FFFF off, I said I only had three brothers, added how I would never consider him a part of my family. I told him I don’t want to meet his kids as I don’t consider them my nephews(from him).
After I sent that he stopped messaging me, yesterday though my dad called me practically yelling at me for the message saying I was cruel not only to Zeke but to the other kids he said they didn’t deserve the hate(never said I hated them) and more. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Brokenstoryunread
NTA. Your family needs to mind their own business when it comes to the relationship between your brother and you. Your boundaries need to be respected. That is all. You might need to go low contact with your family from here on out and any family members who do not respect your wishes to not mention your brother around you or force a reconciliation can be no contact.
If you see Zeke at family gatherings you just ignore him or politely say hi and keep it movement. Do not isolate yourself and give your brother the satisfaction, but don’t be a push over and cater to everyone else’s wants.
AssistanceOk3669
I mean like seriously. His brother had ample time to come and visit his son and he didn't. He literally chose to go the funeral of the son/mother with his second family and virtually no one seen a problem with that. OP has every right to not want to associate with a person like that.
Hopefully there are some people in OPs family that understand where he's coming from and learn to respect the fact that the brother and his kids will never receive the treatment he gave to his brother's first son, James. NTA.
CaptRaymondHolt05
I am so sorry for your loss. You sound like an amazing Uncle! (I assume, no mention of gender in the post) I believe that people can change as they get older, learn new things, shift their beliefs. But abandoning a child at birth because of a disability is so awful.
Making a new family without any regard for the family he left behind is even more so. Trying to get back into the fold feels performative. I doubt he really feels bad for what he did. He just wants to maintain the illusion of a perfect life.
Vyedr
NTA. Your feelings are your own and no one else's to command, and neither are Zeke's feelings your responsibility. When James was born, Zeke had a family, and that included you.
But when he abandoned them, he abandoned you too with that same decision. You just lost a vital part of your family, who were in turn wronged by him. He is entitled to nothing from you, least of all your affection and forgiveness.
OkSwitch9477
NTA. Holy hell, I would never be with a man who abandoned a child because of a medical issue. I would never have kids with a man who abandoned a child because of a medical issue. Ever.
I would also never forgive my son if he did what Zeke did. I would have also told him to get the fuck out of the funeral. He didn’t deserve to grieve and act like he actually cared. Everyone fawning over him is vile. Acting like he was an actual father when he was nothing more than a sperm donor.
Did Zeke even keep in touch with your parents? Did anyone know he married and had more kids? Or did he just show up all of the sudden at the funeral after cutting not only his son off but everyone else then trying to come back like he has the right to?
Tell them to respect your boundaries or they’ll join the blocked list and you’ll cut their assess off permanently. Tell them they may be able to pretend that Zeke didn’t do what he did and that James never existed but that you can’t and that you’re sickened by their choice to act like that.
Quiet-Hamster6509
NTA. He only came back so that his other kids could now be the only grand kids. Ironic how he waited until James and Sabrina were no longer around and it's disgusting that your parents clearly don't care.
They'd all be NC with myself following that nightmare. Your father has no right to yell at you. Don't be afraid to give it back to him, tell him that they're disgusting for so quickly replacing James and Sabrina.