'AITA for not wanting to hang out with my half-sister and niece I just found out exist?' UPDATED

"AITA because I don’t want to spend time with my half-sister and niece?"

Last year my dad found out that he had another kid, “Mia” (30F) and a granddaughter “Zoe” (7?). Before this, it was me (17M), my brother (20M), and our parents (55M/52F). Apparently he just had a fling with Mia’s mom when he was in college, who ghosted him and never told him about being pregnant.

Since finding out, it’s all my dad talks about. He and Mia texted/called for a couple of months, then she let him meet Zoe (over Zoom), and then last summer, they came to visit us. We live in a big city and they live a couple states over. My brother was at college, but he even drove back for a weekend to meet them too. Everyone was so excited, except me. Like no one acknowledged how weird the whole thing is.

Mia is nice, I guess, but she kept saying how she’s so excited to have a family for her and Zoe (I guess her mom’s not in the picture?) My parents wanted to show them around our city, so anytime I didn’t have school or practice, I was being dragged around doing things for tourists and kids.

And that was the thing that got on my nerves the most about that trip- Mia’s kid, Zoe. She was so excited to have a “Nan & Pap” and kept calling me “Uncle OP”. They even came to one of my soccer games that week and she ran up after (in front of my friends) to hug me and tell me that SHE wanted to play soccer now too because “her uncle is the best on the team.”

When they visited over winter break, it was a lot of the same stuff. My parents got them a ton of presents, and Zoe kept asking me questions and asking to play games with her. I also found out that my dad is sending money each month, since Mia’s job doesn’t pay the best. I tried confiding in my brother about it, but he seems totally fine and says it’s making our parents really happy to have more family.

Anyway my dad just told me they’re coming up AGAIN in a couple of weeks and I snapped. I admit that I raised my voice a bit and asked why he cares so much about people he met less than a year ago. Everyone keeps saying Mia and Zoe are family, but they didn’t grow up with us and I literally can’t see them as actual family.

I also said she’s probably just using him for the money (which I know was probably a dick move) but he said he’s the one that insisted sending money, and he feels guilty for not being there in her life.

But it still feels so weird so I told him I’m not going to do anything with them while they're here. Now he’s saying that if I can’t be a team player in the family, he’ll have to reconsider taking me on our family vacation this year, which I guess they’re ALSO going on.

My mom's on his side, saying Mia had a hard life, so it's natural she's excited to have a family, and that she loves having more girls in the house every once in a while. My friends are the only ones on my side- they said they’d find it weird if random people just showed up one day to be in their family.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

CrimsonKnight_004 said:

YTA - I understand this can be a hard adjustment. You’re not the baby anymore, and that can seem jarring. There’s a kid in the picture when you’re used to being the youngest.

But here’s the thing. You’re still acting more like a baby than the actual 7 year old. Like it or not, they are family. Maybe not your family if you don’t consider them as such, but they’re your dad’s family, your mom’s family, your brother’s family. And by proxy, you’re involved. They have done nothing wrong except act like a family. Your parents and brother have done nothing wrong by welcoming them as family.

Saying Mia is using her father for money is an AH move and you owe them an apology. You need to self-reflect and realize why this is pressing you so bad. Talk with your parents, the school counselor, ask for therapy, anything to figure this out. Again, having conflicting emotions over this is valid, but the way you’ve been acting is not. Identify the problem. And note, the problem isn’t Mia. It isn’t Zoe. It’s within you.

ReviewOk929 said:

YTA "and asked why he cares so much about people he met less than a year ago" Umm it's his kid and grandkid?????? Of course he cares

"I also said she’s probably just using him for the money" No need to lash out because you're having trouble with this. There's other ways to express yourself

"they said they’d find it weird if random people" Well they're not random, they are his kid and grandkid but I guess this is how a 17 yo see it.

I'm sure this is a big adjustment for you but you're 17 and playing the petulant kid ain't going to work. You can spend your time being salty and nasty about this and ostracize your Dad in the process or you can try and move on with the family, get to know these relatives and may be have fun.

And Stranger0nReddit said:

Eh, this is hard to say but i'm actually torn between NAH and ESH. Your parents are obviously very excited to find out abut Mia and Zoe and integrate them into the family, and they're not AH for doing that. With that said, i'm bothered they didn't check in with you about how you feel about all of this or how you're taking it;

They just expect you to be on board, and that's a lot. On the other hand you are not wrong for feeling the way you do but waiting until you snapped to talk about it was not ideal. I'd go back to them with a calmer head and apologize for snapping but feel your feelings have been ignored/dismissed in all of this and you're feeling frustrated that they expect you to just be fine with this sudden change right off the bat.

And keesouth said:

YTA, quite frankly, you're being immature, but that's to be expected at 17. You sound like someone who's jealous of a new baby. It's like you're realizing you're not the baby of the family anymore.

He later shared this update:

Thanks to everyone who gave me actual advice, rather than just calling me a spoiled @$$hole about the situation with no further comment. I was actually able to think through my emotions and formulate a plan forward.

I sat down with my parents on Sunday and we had a productive conversation. I apologized for snapping last week, and told them that I was just having a difficult time with the amount of changes over the year, and it had built up. Through reading your comments, I realized that these feelings were probably coming from the fact that I am, as many of you guessed, the youngest on both sides of the family.

There had always been a lot of emphasis on that, and with it being my senior year, I kind of expected a bit more of the spotlight than I'm getting. I also think having my brother being away at school put most of the expectations on me to be a good son/brother/uncle/host. I was feeling a little resentment that he was able to "escape" back to his campus, while I was stuck at home.

I was pinning those feelings on Mia and Zoe, which I recognize isn't fair. My parents also apologized for not checking in with me more often about how I was feeling. I asked if I could opt out of some activities when Mia and Zoe visit, so I could still enjoy my spring break with friends. In compromise, I would make more of an effort to engage with them in general, like maybe playing soccer with Zoe.

Ultimately I've realized that my sister and niece aren't going anywhere, and I have to sort out my feelings about that. I do think me going to college out of state in a couple months will help give me my "own" space, but for now, I'll try to make more of an effort to integrate them into my life.