'My wedding dress is not what I wanted and I am heartbroken.' UPDATED 3X + PHOTOS
"My wedding dress is not what I wanted and I am heartbroken."
In the beginning, my dress was not very important to me. I looked at literally thousands of dresses and none of them moved me in any way. Eventually I found a wedding dress that I liked just fine and was super affordable. Great, done.
But then … I saw The Dress. The design was INCREDIBLE - truly a dream and exactly my style. The colors were fine, but what I really wanted was the dress in magenta. The original designer said they could not make it in magenta.
I want to pause here. Thinking about getting to wear this dress in this color was indescribable - I felt like I was going to look like the most beautiful and true version of myself. I am fat, tattooed, and older. I never thought I’d get to have That Feeling on my wedding day.
I was connected with a local well-respected wedding dress designer. We went over the inspiration dress and I made it clear that I needed a couple key changes made to the bodice.
Obviously I wanted it in a specific color, but I wanted the skirt to be as close to the inspiration as possible. The skirt is LUSH and FULL and has a ton of movement to it. It’s really the pillar of the whole dress. She sends me a sketch and a contract.
The sketch was … fine. It was kind of lacking significant detail, which I thought was fine because I had given her ~10 photos and had gone over the details about what I wanted when I met with her. I asked for a couple small changes, which was fine, and she updated the drawing and the contract. I signed the contract and paid the deposit.
The original inspiration dress was $1.8k. Her initial quote to me was $3-3.5k. Final quote was $4.5k + tax. Nearly $5k. I had originally planned to pay $400, so this was a huge change. My FMIL graciously offered to pay for it because she also never got to have That Feeling - she got married in her older sister’s graduation dress. She wanted me to have this.
This was in July. She said we would do the first fitting around Halloween so I reached out around then and didn’t hear back for a week+. She asked if we could do the first fitting around thanksgiving and I said sure. Thanksgiving comes and goes and in early December she says we can do the first fitting the first week of January. At this point I’m worried but cautious.
In the first week of January, I go to the fitting and I am relieved to see that the color is exactly what I wanted (magenta means a lot of different things to different people!). I put the dress on and … it was fine. It wasn’t great but I couldn’t really put my finger on it.
There was some adjustments that needed to be made, and I thought that would fix it. (The photo on the left is from this fitting - hence the blue sash standing in place of the final pink sash and the random pins.) I had my second fitting last night and it fits beautifully. But … again … it still felt off.
On the way home I went to reference the original sketch, contract, and inspiration photos and immediately felt gutted. The skirt is significantly different than the inspiration. The full, lush skirt that I wanted is deflated and heavy. My full gown is, at best, an a-line dress. It looks extremely cheap.
Looking at my dress and the inspiration dress side by side is heartbreaking. If the dressmaker had said that the skirt needed to be different, I would have found a different dressmaker, or adjusted my expectations, or just bought one of the original dresses in a different color.
But she was like, “YES! Absolutely!!” about every aspect of the dress so I had no reason to think it wouldn’t be executed correctly. I know that in the grand scheme of things, my dress isn’t a big deal. This dress is … fine? But I could have gotten (and been happy with!) fine for $400. Our wedding is in a month. I am just … gutted. I feel like a fool. OP's dress vs the dress inspiration
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s initial post:
It looks like the tulle overskirt on your dress is one layer with trim wrapped around it, the inspiration is multiple layers of tulle all with trim on the ends. I don’t think you’re going to get the same movement without having multiple layers, and damn paying $5k for this the seamstress better give that to you.
This is not a 5k dress. I’m sorry. She’s so far off from your inspiration that I’m not even sure how she showed it to you with a straight face. What are the terms of your contract? How much have you paid her? Can you void this contract and just buy the original inspiration dress?
MoreLikeHellGrant (OP)
The exact description of the dress in the contract is “Bright Pink Tulle dress with V-neck front and back necklines, gathering on the bodice from the center front and center back, A-line skirt with small train, four rows of two strips of tulle asmmetrically draped on the top layers of the skirt as in the illustration. Satin band for a sash at the waist. Sleeveless.”
“Top layerS of skirt”. Plural. The terms are standard: if you want a major change to the design, you gotta pay for it. It will be completed by X date (which we were already past, btw, so we are already in breach there). I can terminate the contract and forfeit the deposit. Pretty standard.
Two days later, the OP returned with an update.
First, thank you so much to everyone for their kind responses and offers of possible solutions. I also appreciate the comments from readers who were downright outraged on my behalf. It was deeply affirming to be told clearly that I was not off my rocker.
Rather than cutting/pasting a bunch of LENGTHY emails, I will just explain the main points, but just a heads up that this will definitely still be lengthy because the nuance of it all is important to me. As I mentioned in my comments on the post, I emailed the dressmaker first thing Wednesday morning and explained the following:
It is very clear that we are on totally different pages about what I wanted. I proceeded to explain, in depth and with specifics, what was missing, with pictures. I also explained that what was missing from my dress was represented in the contract and the sketch she provided. My hope is to fix this with her.
She did not reply during the day, so to cover my bases, I texted her Wednesday evening that I had emailed her, and was hoping to hear back by Thursday EOD. She texted me back right away and said that she had seen my email, but was out of the office for the day and would reply first thing Thursday.
Thursday (yesterday) she emails me back. She says the following:
Yes, we are obviously on different pages. She clarified what her understanding of my expectations were.
Essentially, I had mentioned a champagne colored dress she had made that was somewhat akin to what I wanted. It was all tulle, and it had a somewhat similar bodice to what I was looking for.
Working with tulle is a specific skillset, so I was keen to approach her about doing my dress because of the champagne dress she had made previously. She took this to mean that I wanted her to make me a slightly different version of the champagne dress. I do not know if I believe her! But okay, whatever.
She also mentions that the changes that were made to my dress were to respect copyright boundaries for the original designer of my inspiration dress. Because this is a last-minute change, normally I would be responsible for the extra costs of material and labor, but as a show of good faith, she would be willing to do the changes for the cost of supplies only (around $500).
Also the supplier who sourced the tulle for my dress is closed for Lunar New Year, so because of our shortened timeline, we'd have to source through a different supplier. A different supplier = a risk of receiving a different shade of fabric due to variations in dye lots. She proposes a fix of adding additional layers of skirting on top of what has already been constructed. She draws an example and sends it to me.
The example is not clear. As we already know from her original sketch, rendering an example is not her strong suit. It looks like there would be a handkerchief hem. Oh my god I do not, under any circumstances, want a handkerchief hem.
I immediately reply and ask for clarification: would there be a handkerchief hem? She immediately replies and says no. I breathe a sigh of relief.
Thursday afternoon, I reply to her email. I explain:
My original intentions and expectations were for her to make an amended version of the inspiration dress I brought to her. The only overlap between what I wanted and her champagne dress was the material, and a similar bodice. I wanted a very dramatic skirt with layers and movement.
I understood at our consultation that adding that amount of volume may result in bulk at the waist where all the layers were sewn, and that there was a possibility we may have to "deflate" the skirt slightly, or use a crinoline, or a hoop skirt, to get that amount of volume. I was fine with that.
At our original consultation, we talked about changing the bodice of my dress to be different from the inspiration dress. This was to respect the copyright boundaries of the original designer, and was something that I was 100% on board with. We decided to change the bodice so that it was a v-neck with gathering starting from the center waist at the back and at the front.
This is what is in our contract. This is not, however, what she actually ended up making for my dress. My bodice is a surplice style bodice, which is actually more similar to the original inspiration dress.
These two items - a different bodice, and possibly a slightly deflated skirt - were the two concessions I was expecting (and happy!) to make. The contract specifies that the ruffles were going to be at the edge of the "top layers" of the skirt so I had no reason to think that there would only be one top layer of skirting.
Also, the contract specifies that the layers would be asymmetrical, and they are not. Between the contract, the sketch, the photos, and the price of nearly $5,000, there is absolutely no reason that I would have expected to receive anything less than a dramatic, full skirt.
My measurements were taken in September. She did not get me in for the first fitting until January 4th with a contractual completion date of January 15th. Had my first fitting taken place sooner, which was what was expected, we would have plenty of time for revisions. Because of her delays, we were already past the contractual completion date of the dress.
I absolutely want this to work. But! For it to work, the skirt needs to be as close as possible to the inspiration. I need fullness, and volume, and movement, and texture. The additional skirting needs to be the same color as the rest of the constructed dress, and though I understand it may be the only option, ordering from a different supplier puts that in jeopardy.
I am absolutely not willing to pay for any additional labor or supplies. It is her responsibility to ensure that the labor and materials necessary to meet the expectations outlined in the contract are covered by the price agreed upon. That isn't on my shoulders, dawg.
I am willing to overlook the fact that we are past the deadline and the fact that changes were made to the design contrary to what was in the contract if she is able to meet these above expectations. If she cannot meet these expectations, no problem, we can start the process of returning my deposit.
Remember kids, she is in violation of her own contract so I would have been in the clear to get my deposit back via a chargeback through the credit card I paid with. I have been on both sides of this, both as a business owner and a customer, and I knew I was on solid ground.
She replies a bit later and says:
Yes, the bodice was changed contrary to what we agreed upon and what was in the contract. She can change it to what was initially agreed upon if I want.
The skirt is obviously not what I wanted nor expected. She proposes some additional options to fix it. She takes responsibility for the delay of completion, but wishes I had given feedback after the first fitting on January 4th.
The skirt will be recreated to match as closely as possible to the inspiration. She will ensure that the fabric is the same color on the entirety of the dress. She will not charge me any additional fees for supplies or labor.
I had put in a late request for a veil, and she wanted to make sure I still wanted it, and told me the price of the veil. I was fine to pay for the veil because it wasn't part of the original proposal/contract.
I do not reply right away because it was the end of the business day, and honestly these back and fourths are exhausting to me. But, I was happy with what she responded with.
BUT THEN: PLOT TWIST!
She emails me again at 10:50pm.
The email opens with a very sincere apology. She says she has reviewed our communication and it is very clear that she has dropped the ball. She says that she stayed late in the studio to work on my dress to figure out a couple of different options.
She include three photos (not drawings) of my dress - one on a dress form with a crinoline, one with horsehair braiding added to the hem, and one with both the crinoline and additional layers of tulle added. She says she really wants to make this situation right.
She will waive the cost of my veil as well as my second payment (the second half of the cost of the dress), "as a heartfelt way for apologizing for the stress you must have been under in the last couple of days."
She is here to go the extra mile to ensure that the dress is completed to my expectations. That I absolutely deserve to have the dress that I want on my wedding day. She would need to hear back from me by EOD Friday to move forward due to the time needed to order supplies. I can come to her storefront this weekend and I can see the proposed changes in person if I would like.
Honestly, I did not see that coming. My goal, as I have stated from the beginning, was to get the dress that I wanted and that I paid for. Her apologies were very genuine and sincere, and I honestly believe she is trying to make this right. Waiving the rest of my payment is a kindness I did not expect but am grateful for.
Numerous people in my original posts were calling her a fraud or saying that she scammed me, which I know happens too often in the bridal industry. However, this dressmaker is a vetted, responsible business owner, who is insured, in a major city, with a storefront.
She has an extensive portfolio that shows a wide, but realistic, range of dresses. Industry professionals recommended her through a group of vendors who are only allowed if they meet the highest standards.
I do not mess around with vendors who are "just starting out" or think I am going to Venmo them $5k and mark it as a "gift" so they don't have to pay the fees. I did my research, and as far as I or anyone in the industry could tell, she is completely legit.
As a side note, before I met with this dressmaker, my mom was trying to get me to get this dress made through a random seller she found on Etsy from Latvia. They make somewhat similar dresses, and were like, "yeah no prob we will make you a pink dress just send us 1 photo of what you want on WhatsApp, your bust and waist measurements, and we'll charge you $500, it will be to you in two weeks".
I was like, "absolutely not". Red flags Helen Keller could see.)
I replied to her this morning and stated:
Yes, we can keep the bodice as is.
I want 4 layers total, and I want them to be "swooping" "cascading" layers. Big, soft, looping layers that are clearly defined. I linked her to this skirt which I think shows a good "x-ray" of the design I want.
Shoutout to whoever suggested Wardrobe by Dulcinea. Had I known about them a year ago, I very well may have gone with them! Yes, I should have voiced my concerns after the initial fitting and that is 100% on me.
I have thought extensively about why it didn't "click" until nearly two and a half weeks after my initial appointment, and I honestly don't know why that is. I do think some of it has to do with the fact that as a fat person, when I buy clothing, the questions I ask myself are "do I like this?" and "does it fit?".
If I like it (not love, but like - because clothing I love is not an option available for fat bodies), and it fits, what more could I possibly ask for? Never in my 40 years on this earth have I thought to ask "does this garment meet or exceed my expectations?".
I still want the veil. I absolutely do not want a handkerchief hem oh my god. Specifics about what I did and did not like in the three photos she had sent me. Thank you for the invitation to come to the storefront but I am packed to the gills this weekend and was available via email or text with any questions or concerns.
This is a good reminder to everyone to be much clearer to your vendors than you think you need to be. I do believe she thought we were on the same page in the beginning.
I asked for, say, specifics about how many layers were in the skirt, or for a gathered waist to be noted in the contract, or even said explicitly "I want this skirt exactly and I want photos of the skirt in the contract", this could have played out totally differently.
That is on me. Similarly, if she had said explicitly, "I cannot or will not make this skirt the way you would like", instead of downplaying the changes she wanted to or needed to make, I would have happily found another vendor. That is on her.
And that is where we are. I am optimistic, but I do have backup options in place (options that I absolutely love and would be happy to wear on my wedding day). I truly hope that I can update y'all in a month with photos of the final result. Thank you for joining me on this ride. OP's improved dress.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s update:
This is a fantastic update - I'm so happy that things are working out. You deserve to feel amazing (every day, not just on your wedding day) but especially on your wedding day! Please share photos after if you're feeling it, I'd love to see the finished dress!
I have a B.S. in fashion marketing. I had two taken two law classes. One of the classs was geared toward IP Law. This means copyright and trademark. You cannot copyright clothing designs. You have to prove that design is 100% yours and original and unique.
The designed of that dress is not the original designer of that style dress. Nothing about that dress is original. And I don’t mean that to come off as harshly. The dress is pretty. Just not a 100% an original idea.
MoreLikeHellGrant (OP)
Yes, 100%. I often think of the LV example: you can copyright the LV logo and pattern, but the design of their neverfull purse can’t be copyrighted. I do, however, think it is unethical to bring a design of one artist and ask another artist to straight-up recreate it.
Three weeks later, the OP returned with another update.
I picked up my dress today and I am VERY VERY happy with how it turned out. The train on it is incredible. The veil is perfect (it looks lighter in the photo than the rest of the dress but that’s 100% just the backlighting). It has a ton of movement to it and it is just really FUN.
If I were to do it all over again, I would have just gotten the dress from the original designer in one of the colors they make it in. But having said that, I’m still THRILLED with my dress and can’t wait to wear it on Saturday. :)
Also I can’t find the comment but someone said that it “looked to be thirty yards short” of what was needed and that person gets an award because that’s EXACTLY how much was added.
The OP then provided these screenshots: Text coversation. OP in the dress. Dress detail.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s second update:
I've followed your story and gosh wow, what an incredible wedding dress! It's actually a gown really as "dress" isn't enough of a word for it. Congratulations and well done for not giving up! You'll look AMAZING on your big day.
That is STUNNING, omg! I'm so glad you managed to get it fixed. I hope you have a magical wedding day! ♥
That is such a gorgeous gown! That color is fantastic on you and I love the overall structure of it as well. It looks like it’ll have tons of movement to it whenever you dance with your future spouse and as a bonus, it looks like it would be super easy to transition into a different style that could be worn as fancy dress for other occasions too so it wouldn’t be restricted to the one day.
Six days later, the OP returned with their final update.
The day after I picked up my dress and made the last update, I received a message on here from a bridal boutique owner that my “couture” “one of a kind” “custom” dress was being sold on a Chinese manufacturer website.
After a little digging it looks like that what the dressmaker does is “design” it and then send it to Brydealo for manufacturing, and then Brydealo can sell it wholesale (or directly to consumers).
My $5000 “custom” “one of a kind” “atelier” “couture” gown was being sold for $599. This makes so much sense. The manufacturing must have caused a delay which is why it took so long for my first fitting.
She discounted my dress to $2500 to make up for the nightmare of the original design which still gave her at least $1900 in profit. The dress IS fun, and it’s the perfect color, and (in a vacuum) I am happy with the dress. But the finishing on it is atrocious. It looks like it was chewed off a bolt of fabric by a dog. It’s horrible quality fabric - dollar store Halloween costume fabric.
When I asked her about this, she told me she didn’t like the language I was using so she was ending all communication with me. This was obviously a cop out. There was no accountability. No reasoning.
No BS about “actually sometimes it makes the most sense for us to contract with dressmakers overseas.” Nothing. It’s wild to me that she pulled the “oh it wouldn’t be ETHICAL for me to just recreate the dress you wanted!” card but THIS WAS SOMEHOW OKAY??? lol ok girl.
I got married on Saturday and it was incredible, but every time someone complimented my dress, all I could think about was this deceptive con artist. Anyway, I avoided calling her out until everything was done with and here we are! Her company is LEIREN DESIGNS located in Seattle, Washington. ?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s final update:
Am I the only one thinking that the one, strangely vague commenter, saying she's used that designer multiple times and always been pleased and can't recommend her enough... is, in fact, that designer?
If it’s any consolation, this is already the 3rd search result when you google “Leiren Designs”.
OP needs to sue the living shizzz out of her!
I’m going to say it now. The wedding business: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. You must be cautious. JFC that Leiren design lady is a POS.
Literally had to stop reading part way through because a friend of mine almost used this designer! Had to send this post ASAP, hope OP gets what's due to her! WTAF!