'AITA for dressing too nice for a wedding?' 'I’d never felt prettier.'
"AITA for dressing too nice for a wedding?"
I (25F) went to a friend’s wedding a few months ago. The friends are Matt (25M), and Susan (25F). We’re all part of a much larger friend group that gets along pretty great. To preface, I have actually never attended a wedding before in my life, and I don’t tend to dress up or put on makeup.
Nothing against it, it’s just expensive and time consuming and I work 16-hour days in a uniform. I was really excited when I got the invite, saved up, and went to a shop I know carries my size (I’m fairly tall). The clerk was amazing and so helpful.
He chose a selection of dresses that would be wedding appropriate that weren’t close to what the bridal party would be wearing and we had a lot of fun trying things on and he hyping me up. One of the options I just fell in love with. It was a beautiful dark green silk “bias-cut” dress (think Kiera Knightley in Atonement, without the sash and less of a flowing skirt).
We matched it with heels and I’d never felt prettier. The dress was on sale too, so that was a plus! Wedding day comes and it’s lovely. I’m so happy for my friends. Susan ignores me, which is weird, but she’s busy preparing and then the wedding is in full swing and the reception is busy so I don’t think much of it. Everything goes off without a hitch and they drive off to their honeymoon.
I suppose it’s relevant, but I received several compliments on my outfit during the event. I didn’t think it caused a scene, and it wasn’t anything particularly effusive or over the top. I was doing the same to others so I didn’t think it stood out. Everything concludes, we all have a nice time. No one says anything until tonight. We all got together for a “Welcome Back!” dinner for Matt and Susan.
During the dinner Susan kept making snipes at me about what I wore, just incredibly passive aggressive. It was very clear she thought I overdressed. I didn’t say anything at the time because I felt terrible. None of my friends corrected or stopped her either. But looking back on it I feel… wronged?
She didn’t give me the benefit of the doubt and I don’t feel like my dress was over-the-top. I do think I likely look very different from how I normally dress and present myself, so that might be part of it? I’m trying not to go over the word limit but am very open to questions and elaborations if needed. So, AITA?
INFO:
The invite said “formal” and I knew it was going to first be in a church, and that the reception would be in a local hotel that looks like a castle and is quite fancy (though I’ve never been).
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
IamIrene said:
NTA. You're tall and you don't normally "girl-up." If the bride felt like you were trying to "steal thunder" it's likely due to her own insecurities. Your dress was appropriate for the event you were at, it's just that you probably were stunning and that may have shocked people who never look at you that way. Either way...not your problem.
BriefHorror said:
NTA, unless it was a casual semi casual dress code. I googled what the dress might look like and it’s a regular pretty/fancy dress. My guess is since you don’t wear makeup a lot or dress up she wasn’t prepared for you to actually be attractive and her hubby probably said something that pissed her off. I’d text the friends you care about and be like why did you not say anything about her talking to me like that.
CheezeLoueez08 said:
NTA. She’s jealous of you. I agree with someone else that her husband might’ve made a comment like “wow! OP looked amazing tonight!” Given that they’re not used to seeing you dolled up. I had a classmate, knew her all my life, very Tom boyish. When she dressed up for prom it was really shocking.
She was freaking stunning. And I definitely took notice as I wasn’t used to her looking like that. She’s insecure and your other friends aren’t nice. That dress on Kiera (without sash, less flowy) is in no way too fancy. It’s perfect. You felt good in it. A REAL friend would’ve been so happy for you that you felt good about yourself.
RegretPowerful3 said:
NTA. I was always taught it’s better to be overdressed than under. Your “friend” is just jealous you got a few compliments. Perhaps you need to reevaluate your friendship.
Scared_Fox_1813 said:
NTA. From what you’ve said it sounds like you’re friends are used to seeing you dressed down and bare faced so when the bride saw you all dressed up with makeup on she thought you looked better than she expected you to and got jealous.
This is definitely not your fault and I don’t think that dress sounds too over the top or dressy at all. I think you’re friends, or at least the bride just didn’t like how beautiful you looked because they’re used to seeing you in a much more casual look. If I were you I’d be questioning my friendship with the bride and anyone that agreed with her about your dress.
emeraldpeach said:
NTA. I don’t personally think it was too much for a wedding but the bride was probably insecure and not expecting you to be so dolled up so she felt upstaged. Which is a -her- problem. You may have been receiving lots of compliments but I’m sure you didn’t ACTUALLY take attention off the bride
Me as a bride, wore black, and didn’t tell anyone else they couldn’t, I had no stated dress code and told other people they looked great all day. Some women are prettier than I am but I didn’t feel upstaged, I knew people were there to see me