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Man drives 370ml to surprise twin sister for their bday; she sketchily pretends not to be home. AITA?

Man drives 370ml to surprise twin sister for their bday; she sketchily pretends not to be home. AITA?


"AITA for driving 370 miles to my twin sister’s place unannounced to spend our birthday together and escalating the situation when she wouldn’t let me in?"


I’m her twin brother. We’re in our 2nd year of college. We spent our birthdays together every year and have a tradition of giving each other birthday gifts. Last year was an exception. We agreed to exchange gifts 2 weeks after when we attended a family friend’s wedding.

This year too, we agreed to exchange gifts and celebrate our belated birthday together next weekend when I drive down and we attend Stagecoach for the 1st time. She mentioned she has her gift for me with her already, so I didn’t feel like she would feel burdened if I dropped by unannounced to exchange gifts and celebrate our birthday together.

I decided not to notify her about my coming for 2 reasons. 1st, she might tell me not to come due to the hassle. 2nd, a surprise would be more memorable. I asked her what she was up to for the weekend and if she had any birthday celebrations planned.

She said she has nothing planned for Saturday and a birthday dinner with friends Sunday. Our birthday is Sunday, but I dropped by today on Saturday to spend more time with her. She has her own room in an apartment shared with 2 other girls, so it wouldn’t be weird for me to stay a night. We shared a room growing up.

I got to her place 6 hours of driving later. I pressed my ear to her door to see if they were awake and I heard her and a guy’s voice. She has a boyfriend who goes to college in another state and I know his voice, but that voice wasn’t his. We were close friends in high school.

I assumed it was a friend, but in case it wasn’t, I didn’t want to fluster her by knocking. So I waited outside and texted her that I’m in front of her apartment to spend our birthday weekend together. The voices in the apartment got quiet.

She replied in 2 minutes that she and her friends are spontaneously driving to a city 2 hours away to spend the day and she’s sorry. I knew she was lying. I’m 100% sure I heard her voice in there.

I asked if I could meet her there since I’m already down here. She said she’ll be back around 10pm and to wait for her. She told me to catch up with my high school friends who go to her college.

I texted her that I know she’s in her apartment and that I heard her talking to a guy. She said that must be her housemate. I told her I’ve been listening to her distinctive high-pitched voice for years and I know for sure that’s her voice.

Again, she denied. I told her I would drop off the $300 gift in front of her door and go meet my friends, and if the wrapped gift is stolen before she takes it inside, then it’s her problem. She told me to give it to her when she returns, but I told her to come out to get it. I stood in the line of sight of her apartment door for 15 minutes. Nothing.

I’m at a mutual friend’s place right now. I told her about this and she said my sister has been awfully close with, and gone out on dates with, a guy here since a party last month.

She also said my sister told her she’s unsure about continuing her long distance relationship and hasn’t broken up with her boyfriend yet as far as she knows. I’m chilling with my friend until 10pm and then I will see what happens next. I’m surprised my sister didn’t call this mutual friend ASAP to cover for her.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


YTA. Not for driving 370 miles to get to your sister’s but for refusing to read the cues and make yourself expendable. You are not in her weekend plans. She apparently has a new man in her life and she has not yet decided what to do with the relationships around her.

You should not put her in the position for having to explain herself as she does not owe you an explanation. Give her your love and birthday wishes, agree on how to pass on the gift, and off you go. And don’t forget you now are both grownups with plans and boundaries.


YTA - I'd give it for just showing up unannounced alone. You admit she would probably say no but you went anyway, then you PRESSED YOUR EAR TO THE DOOR TO LISTEN?

Beyond creepy! IDK if it's because your twins but it's so nosy of you to interrogate her about who she's with! This is a wild one OP, idk how you think you are in the right here smh.


YTA. So many things wrong going on here, and all of it has to do with your one-sided need to throw an unwanted surprise for your sister. If it wasn't planned, nothing was consented to - and even if she did agree on some arrangement with you, consent is something that can be revoked at any moment, and she reserves the right unilaterally to turn down a meeting with you.


YTA. Even if it's your twin sister, you obviously are not that much in her life anymore to know her day to day business. Just dropping by unannounced to spend the weekend with her is a bad move. Start behaving like an adult.


ESH. You knew a surprise visit wouldn’t be welcome even without this extra drama. Your sister sucks for cheating and you should confront her and try to convince her to do the right thing and break up with her LDR bf, but I think the most important lesson to learn here, is to call ahead and no more surprise drop ins.


you can’t show up somewhere unannounced and expect to be catered to. also, it might not be weird for YOU to spend the night- but what about her roommates? i would appreciate my roommate’s brother randomly showing up unannounced and spending the night.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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