"AITA for driving myself to get pads?"
I (18F) recently went on a trip with my mom (50F). We drove her car down to an AirBNB where we stayed for a couple of weeks. I have been on birth control since I was about 15 for irregular, painful, and heavy periods. Save for a few times that I've forgotten to take the pill, I haven't had my period in years.
For some reason, my birth control just...decided to stop working while we were on this trip. I was taking it consistently and on time, but I ended up getting my period anyway. Because I haven't had my period in years, I was unprepared both physically and materially. I had no pain relievers and most importantly, no pads or tampons.
We weren't in walking distance of any stores, and frankly I wasn't comfortable walking alone in an unfamiliar neighborhood regardless. I asked my mom if she could drive me to go get pads, and she said we would later. By the next day, I had bled through multiple pairs of underwear. I asked her again, and she said she would go when she had time.
I asked if I could just drive myself, and she told me no. I understand her reasoning: I'm a young driver, her car isn't one I'm super familiar with, and we're in a new area. I get it. But it essentially meant I just had to wait for her to get me what I needed. I reminded her a few times over the next few days. Even after washing my underwear, it was stained and gross and essentially unwearable.
Toilet paper didn't do much to help as a makeshift pad. Eventually, I decided I just needed to do it myself. While she was out, I took her car to the nearest convenience store (maybe a ten minute drive?) and got what I needed. Before I left, I sent her a text saying I was going to grab the pads and that she didn't need to worry about it.
When I got back, she was waiting for me and pissed. She told me that she said I wasn't allowed to use her car. I told her that I had no other way to get to the store. She said that she would have gone and gotten what I needed, but I reminded her that I had been asking for days. I feel like I didn't have much else choice. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
notrainsaroundhere wrote:
"I asked my mom if she could drive me to go get pads, and she said we would later."
Based on you later in the post confirming a shop was a ten minute drive away, your mum was TA from this point.
The only possible get out for your mum is you not impressing on her strongly enough the urgency of the situation. It's not something I personally will ever have to deal with but my feeling is that at "By the next day" I would've been saying no we need to go to the shop right now. I'm not suggesting you are at fault at all - merely trying to determine how much of an AH your mum is.
INFO: your mum seems to have generally given the excuse of we'll do it when we have time - as this was a trip (i.e. not a normal day with work etc), what exactly was your mum doing all day for several days when ignoring your need?
OP responded:
I'll admit that for the first day, I kind of downplayed it. I was just spotting, so I asked if we could go get pads and told her I'd use toilet paper in the meantime. By the next day I was bleeding fully and that's when I asked her again and told her it was a full period. I think at first she might have assumed I forgot to take my pill on time, which usually means it goes away by the next day-ish.
The house we were staying at had a pool, hot tub, etc, so it was a lot of sunbathing before it gets too cold to do so. We also had our dog with us so she would take him on walks and hikes and that sort of thing. I think she planned to get the pads when she went to get extra groceries.
VLDreyer wrote:
Omfg, I'm so mad at your mother right now. Leaving you to fester in your own blood for DAYS is disgusting and uncomfortable, and I can't imagine it felt (or smelled) great. You poor thing. NTA. I hope you bled on her damn car seat. Karma.
Also, there are some things that can make birth control stop working for both it's intended purpose and period control, so it's good to be aware of them. A nasty bout of food poisoning is the most obvious one, but also simple things like antibiotics, some conflicting medications, and some herbal supplements can also do it.
I've been on Provera (the daily pill, not the injection) for 20-odd years for the same problem, and at one point I was doing a stupid health cleanse with my mother, and the liver tonic I took apparently stopped my medication from working. That was such a bad day. I was at work, two hours by bus away from home, and I hadn't had a period in years so I was NOT prepared. So...I feel you, fam.
One thing I've learned over the years is that it's a good idea to always google any medication your doctor gives you, and what interferes with it. Like, I started feeling absolutely crushing fatigue, only to discover that I'd been prescribed two medications that cause issues with one another. Changed to a different medication, and it cleared right up.
Certain foods can also interfere with the absorption of your meds. For example, if you take ADHD medication, you can't take it within an hour of eating or drinking anything citrus-based, or it can just stop the medication from working at all. Our bodies are such complicated nonsense, I swear. Good luck, hun. Long-distance sympathy from New Zealand.
eulicid wrote:
NTA. Listen...you essentially stole her car and that is illegal but my god, whyyyy would your own mother wait DAYS while you’re actively bleeding to go get menstrual products for you???? I’d be LIVID if my mom did that to me- not that she ever would- but still.
Educational-Act-2697 wrote:
As a woman, if a mere acquaintance asked for a ride to get hygiene products, I'd take them ASAP. I can't imagine making someone you love wait days.
I hope this is a made up story.
Spare-Shirt24 wrote:
NTA.
Needing period products is not a "We'll go when I have time" Situation. It's an immediate need.