"AITA for wanting to drop out of my friend's wedding after a Bachelor Party gone wrong?"

Where to start? Going into this I thought it was going to be a pretty low-key bachelor party. The buy-in was $250, which covered 1 night at a hotel and a Red Sox game. Another $36 was going to be needed for one of the activities we were doing that weekend (brewing beer). The best man told us all we would need from there was just money for food and whatever beer we wanted.

Except that was nothing like what happened. First restaurant we go to, I literally ordered nothing while the other guys picked 4 apps to share and bought beers. $374 bill. I had one slice of a flat bread pizza, one spare rib, and one egg roll. I get stuck paying $90.

The other major cost was eating out at a restaurant Saturday night. I bought a $20 meal and one beer and again, ended up paying $50 because other people got more beers or more expensive meals. It was always a split. When all is said and done, it ends up being a $500+ weekend for me. On top of it, I don't even get a bed to sleep in on the hotel and have to sleep on the floor cause there are 4 beds and 5 of us.

Groom + bestman slept in one room and the other 3 of us were in the room over and we were all talking the next morning (Sunday morning) about how ridiculously expensive this all came out to be, mostly due to best man not laying out expectations correctly and in my case, having to split bills which I hardly contributed to.

I'm thinking about dropping out of the wedding. It is in late July, over 1 month from now. I'm looking at another $600 in costs, between a $200 tux rental, $300 in hotel costs, and a $100 gift. I just can't do it right now, the Bachelor Party left a really bad taste in my mouth. AITA if I tell my friend I no longer want to attend his wedding? (I am in the wedding party)

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

hamhead said:

Just to play counterpoint here, I don’t see anything in your post that says there were other costs unexpected besides the fact that the food bill was higher than you thought? Splitting like that is pretty typical. But yes, YTA if you drop out of the wedding over that. Not only are you in the wedding, but the issue has nothing to do with the groom.

[deleted] said:

YTA. First off it's pretty common to just split bills x-way instead of everyone paying for what they ordered so if that was gonna be a problem you should have brought it up earlier. Before the first time it happened but especially before the second time. I also don't think restaurant expenses are so unexpected? Maybe the best man thought it went without saying unless you booked an all inclusive package.

But anyway let's assume he screwed up at setting the expecations, people make mistakes. And clearly it wasn't the bride and groom at fault so why would you punish them?

You're not the asshole for not being able to afford that much money, but if that is the case bring it up with them. If you can't go because of that apologize and explain why. You're the asshole for not wanting to go to their wedding because the bachelor's party didn't go according to expecation

HeadingForTrouble_ said:

ESH. "It was always a split." You could have said right from the start that you're not very hungry so you'll just pay for what you eat and drink. Your other alternative was to drink and eat at a level expected in a Bachelor Party (aka Viking Mode), when you could have at least got more value for money.

Educatedprofessional said:

NTA. If you can’t afford it let the groom know though, don’t just ghost him.

graniteman90 said:

YTA. As soon as you brought up how the Hotel, game, and brewing would cost $286, I knew the total cost would be over $400. That obviously doesn't include gas, drinks, food at the game (unless you bought some package that did), and 2-3 meals. You are just not good at thinking ahead and figuring it out.

The Best Man could have done a better job at setting expectations, but you should have been expecting this. Also, any batchelor party that is overnight (other than a camping trip) is automatically not "low-key".

Commenters agreed, YTA.

Five hours after his original post, OP shared this update:

Thanks for all of the responses. Just wanted to chime in with what I am going to do as well as give a little bit of additional clarity behind why I was considering this. I want to say that I have read every single response that came through to my inbox today while I ponder over what to do, but now I must make a decision so I can take this off my mind and get focused on work.

Basically, for the past month I felt like the $250 "buy-in" was a rip off as it was not great seats to a not great Red Sox game and 2 hotel rooms split between 5 people. I felt like the best man was being lackadaisical about the whole thing, maybe not out to make a quick buck but didn't really think it over. That had me pissed off.

On to the restaurant issue on Saturday. I really felt it would've overly complicated to ask to pay for my own portion of just the apps and the groom's share and sent out a bad vibe. So I didn't say anything. It sucked but I figured it was better than making things complicated. So anyways. Today is the first time I've really had a clear mind after a weekend of drinking and I just felt really frustrated with the entire weekend.

On top of it, I absolutely hate baseball. I felt cheated by paying towards the drinks of the entire bachelor party when I was holding back and not drinking at certain restaurants. I felt pissed off cause I had a shitty night of sleep on a hotel floor after only getting like 5 hours of sleep the night before. These aren't even things my friend wanted to do either; it was mostly the planning of the best man.

I guess I am going to go forward with the wedding and just make it happen. Its the only real option. As much as I am pissed off with the situation, a lot of you made it clear that really in no situation should I ever skip out on this wedding if I want to remain friends with this kid.

So that's what I am going to do. I am probably going to remain a little frustrated with the situation for the rest of the day, mainly because I hate wasting money on alcohol at bars (I did suggest we pregame at the hotel before going out but it fell on deaf ears somehow) but doubly so when its alcohol that I don't even get to drink. So, thanks for all of the responses.

I read all of them and tried to factor in most of the little nuanced points some of you made. And it really did help me see the situation more clearly. I think some were a little harsh and/or immature but beyond that I mostly see both sides of YTA and NTA. I don't think IATA for wanting to skip it but its financially feasible for me so I will not skip it. I'm just in a bad mood and its Monday.

Once again, thanks all for bringing some objective clarity to what was a very difficult and frustrating situation for me, and I am going to get on with my day now.