'WIBTA if I dropped out my friend's wedding because of something her mom did?'

"WIBTAH if I dropped out my 'friend’s' wedding because of something her mom did?"

My friend “Rachel” (30f) and I (30f) have known each other since elementary school. We met through our families. Her mom “Sandra” and my aunt are in the same social club. They aren’t close and only talk to each other at club events never outside.

Sandra found out that my aunt had a niece the same age as Rachel and needed more girls to join Rachel’s dance group. Rachel and I didn’t become automatic friends when we first met. We didn’t click. So after a few years my parents took me out of the dance group and I moved on to similar hobbies.

Then in middle school I got really into gymnastics so I joined a club group that Rachel was apart of. We had practices almost everyday and traveled for completions almost every other week. So during that time we got really close and I felt like we were best friends. We could be goofy and talk about typical middle school things (boys). We were inseparable.

Then we went to high school. My high school wouldn’t let me continue with both club and school gymnastics so I quit club. We still talked but it wasn’t the same. Which is understandable. We went to different colleges in different states and kept in touch briefly. Skip to present day we are still sort of in the same social circles because all of my friends are from dance/gymnastics and they all know her.

We still get each other bday and Christmas gifts. But for the last 10 years I have not felt like we are best friends. I would honestly say we are acquaintances or “family” friends. This past March she asked me to be her maid of honor to her wedding. I was honestly shocked and didn’t know what to say. I remembered when we were younger we had promised we would be each other’s MOHs.

A part of me wanted to decline because I don’t feel I deserve that honor. But my mom and friends said I should just say yes, so I messaged her back “yes,”but I feel less pressure because her sister is her matron of honor and has taken all responsibility.

Okay so this is where I’m feeling conflicted. I recently quit the job I’ve had for the last 8 years. I was fresh out of school and had moved to a new city far from home and my team had treated me like family. I have 3 coworkers that I think of as older siblings and I still keep in touch with them. So it was hard leaving but it’s because my manager was overbearing and would micromanage everything.

We did not see eye to eye and I started to feel burnt out the last 2 years. So I put in my 2 weeks and left. I moved back home and have told my family but not my extended family. I just feel tired from the whole ordeal and want to just get through the holidays without my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins asking me a million questions.

Well Rachel heard I moved back and we caught up. I told her everything about my ex boss and she was supportive about it while I know other people would’ve said to suck it up or that’s just how work is.

So fast forward to Christmas, I’m with my family and extended family. I can hear some of the aunts whispering with my mom and my mom saying “they’re so nosy!” I don’t know what they’re talking about but I know it’s about me. So Rachel had told her mom that I was back home because I quit my job. Which is fine, but she told Sandra everything about my ex boss.

Sandra then sees my aunt at their social club, proceeds to walk up to my aunt and tell her “did you hear? OP quit her job! Because she didn’t get along with her manager.” Which led to my whole extended family finding out. I’ve now been lectured and pitied for “missing out on a great job because I can’t handle a little conflict” and that I should have thought more about my future.

I am so upset with Rachel and Sandra! Rachel knows her mom is a huge gossip and has also said so herself! So why couldn’t she have left it at “OP quit her job” and leave it at that?

I also don’t know why Sandra has to say anything!? Like I am not your daughter, so why is my business coming out of your mouth?! Rachel and I had gotten in a fight once because I don’t tell her things about my personal life, well this is why. I don’t want my all the details of my life to be shared.

I’m a private person that doesn’t want to overshare! I also don’t like nosy people due to bad experiences (Sandra and my aunt) so I don’t pester people for the details unless they openly share them with me. I am also upset with my aunt, I’ve already tried distancing myself from her and only talk to her at family events.

This whole ordeal has me frustrated. I’m not even that close to Rachel and this has made it official to me that I no longer want this person in my life. The conflict is would I be the AH if I tell her I don’t want to be friends and drop out of her wedding? Or would I be the AH if I go to her wedding and then ghost her completely? Her wedding is in May.

tldr: long term friendship is fizzling out but I was asked to be in the wedding. Friend has a gossip mom and it was the last straw. Should I drop out of her wedding or suck it up and block her after?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Wild_Ticket1413 said:

If you no longer wish to be friends with her, politely drop out of the wedding now. No explanation as to why is required on your part. Just tell her you're unable to attend. You're not obligated to remain in a friendship with someone who you no longer wish to be in contact with.

Being her MOH at the wedding, with the intent of blocking her and ghosting her after is a total AH move. If you want to end your relationship with her, just quietly let it go.

OP responded:

thank you, you’re right. I would feel bad knowing I was in her wedding photos and not even friends with her.

MissMurderpants said:

Sorry, without a job I don’t feel like I can really be a part of your wedding. Good luck.

Nope. Drop out.

Relative_Reading_903 said:

Drop out as soon as possible so she can replace you before the wedding if she wants.

I'd tell her the truth if she asks. Tell her you realized you weren't really that close anymore after she told your entire family your personal business. Yes, telling her mom is the same as telling everyone.

NikkeiReigns said:

Rachel, I'm not sure why you told Sandra about my personal situation with my job and my boss, but she had told my family and everyone else, and now I'm just so overwhelmed because the will NOT leave me alone about. I'm sorry, but with everything that's happened, I just don't feel like I should be in your wedding. I wish you the best.

perderla said:

NTA but next it's going to be- "did you hear? OP is throwing a fit over nothing and trying to to ruin Rachel's wedding!" choose your communication strategically and good luck

OP responded:

You’re so right. That’s what my mom is afraid of. I need to think about this. Thank you.

And Opinionated6319 said:

The sad thing is that she betrayed your trust again…why? For the attention, because she is jealous, because she is a chip off the old blocks?

No matter what…she didn’t respect you and that is plenty to remove yourself from associating with her, it’s better to end it now than to let it fester to erupt…usually at the most silliest thing.

Save yourself from that and decline any obligations, she has time to find your replacement!