'AITA for dropping my mother off at the country club like she asked?'
"AITA for dropping my mother off at the country club like she asked?"
My parents are both chain smokers. They go through half a packet to a full one daily.
My sister and I used to be fine with this, we were used to it and my parents only really smoke in the kitchen for our sake do that the whole house doesn’t smell like smoke.
I think my body has gotten used to clean air again seeing as i’m at university for majority of the year because since coming back for recess i’ve had intense hay fever and I’ve been sick like a dog. It gets worse every time I enter the kitchen.
I’ve asked them to stop long before this for their own health’s sake and iIve given up but now that it’s affecting me I can’t take it anymore. So this morning mother and I went on a trip to the town where my uni is at to go fetch the last of my stuff for the recess.
If it was my choice, I would have gone a lot earlier in the week but my mother insisted she wanted no one driving alone because the roads would be extremely busy during this time. So I waited for a time she’d be available to make the trip. She kept smoking and it aggravated my hay fever again so I asked her to not smoke at all in the car.
She asked me if I meant that for the whole duration of the trip she couldn’t smoke in the car to which I replied “Yes because it’s making me sick." She then said I should drop her off in the next town at the country club and she’ll ask my father to come fetch her because she finds that ridiculous.
I asked her if her child’s health is less important than an addiction to which she replied that I should stop whining and be realistic. So I did what she asked…I needed to go fetch my stuff as most of it is food and it was gonna go bad and I wouldn’t be able to drive if my condition got worse. So I dropped her at the country club and went on my way.
When I got back my dad was extremely mad at me, saying it was dangerous to drop her at the country club (she knows the owner and the staff) and that iIm a bad child for dropping her and leaving her there alone.
AITA for dropping her off?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
PinkPandaHumor wrote:
NTA. I'd also expect the rest of the house to be at least mildly smokey since they smoke in the kitchen. That stench travels.
OP responded:
My bedroom door leads into the kitchen too, as you can imagine I’m not having much fun right now.
darthfruitbasket wrote:
NTA. I grew up in a house with a half a pack a day smoker and a chain smoker (2-3+ packs daily, he'd light one after the other). After I moved out, I went back to visit and felt sick, I didn't stay. The half a pack smoker has quit and hasn't had a smoke in 10 years; the chain smoker is deceased.
SnackDrive wrote:
NTA, Your health's gotta come first. If mom can't handle a smoke-free car ride for a bit, then her addiction's a bigger prob than she's letting on. Sucks you're getting flak for this, but you did the right thing. Stand your ground; some peeps need to learn it's not all about them. Can't let others gaslight you into feeling guilty for looking out for yourself.
1962Michael wrote:
NTA. It's your car and you did what she asked. She's definitely an AH for smoking when you asked her not to. And your dad should be mad at her, not you. You didn't leave her "completely alone." She was at a familiar establishment. And SHE decided to get out of the car instead of not smoking.
I'm also going to say that she's ridiculous for requiring that you don't drive alone. You have a driver's license. But just FYI, a "chain smoker" smokes a lot more than 1 pack a day. A chain smoker uses their lit cigarette butt to light the next cigarette. My dad used to do that. He smoked 4 packs a day. He died of lung cancer at age 52.
gamengirl420 wrote:
NTA. She literally told you to drop her off at the country club and you did exactly what she asked. You gave her a reasonable boundary about not smoking in an enclosed space while you're having breathing issues, she refused to compromise, and gave you an alternative.
How are you the bad guy for following her instructions? Your dad calling it "dangerous" when she knows the owner and staff is ridiculous. She chose cigarettes over a car ride with her kid, that's on her.
dncr_mom wrote:
You would have been safer driving on busy roads alone than locked in a car with her second hand smoke. Being realistic is admitting second hand smoke causes increased incidence of lung cancer in addition to your breathing problems. NTA.
Parasamgate wrote:
Mom: you can't drive alone
OP: please don't make me sick
Mom: drive alone, see if I care.
Your parents are manipulative. NTA.
bdt69 wrote:
NTA, anytime cigarette smoking gets brought up it makes me think of how crazy it had to be like back before they knew it was killing everyone? They used to smoke in hospitals ffs! You probably had to smoke just to feel normal. Just seems so nightmarish. Especially if you were sensitive to it like you.
Fantastic-Focus7056 wrote:
NTA. You are a bad child?! They are bad parents. Even if they only smoke in the kitchen, it will still affect the health of other people in the house. Like what? You never go into the kitchen? You asked politely not to smoke in your car. If she's that addicted that she can't go a couple of hours without, she needs professional help before she ends up needing an oncologist instead.