'AITA for dropping out of my best friend's bridal party and ruining an 11 year friendship?'

"AITA for dropping out of my best friends bridal party and ruining an 11 year friendship?"

My best friend did not make me the maid of honor. I was a little sad and shocked but that is okay, the day is not about me…BUT then she tells me she doesn’t think the MOH would plan the bachelorette because she was too shy and basically implied she didn’t trust her with the plans.

I was even more upset because at this point it just seems disrespectful but I thought I love her and I will and give her the day she wants. She communicated that she wanted me to run any ideas by the MOH. She asked me to make the group chat instead of the MOH. She asked me to initiate the conversation. She would confine in me about things she wanted in her wedding.

I messaged the MOH privately several times to try to get her to get things going and run things by her. She left me on read several times and then finally told me to start messaging the group for these things. I started messaging the group as per her request.

We only communicated via the group. 3 months before the set bachelorette date, the MOH tried to move her bachelorette in the dead of winter (5 months away from her actual wedding date) because she couldn’t clear her schedule within the next 4 months.

She was overall being a terrible MOH and my friend confided in me about this. The bride called me crying about how unimportant she feels and how she is really upset no one is willing to shell out their money or time specifically the MOH. She said at this point she would rather have no bachelorette rather than get stuck in a snow storm.

I tried to hint to the MOH to understand that the bride was upset and didn’t want a bachelorette in January but it wasn’t working. I finally sent “she is actually very much against doing it in January and doesn't want us to pay tons to not even go outside or be snowed in. she does want her girls to be there but she also wants people to put in a little more effort to accommodate her.

it's hurtful that no one is willing to sacrifice a day, weekend or money to make things work the way she wants. we should be working to move our schedules, not trying to make her move her bachelorette 5 months before her wedding in the middle of winter. its just really inconsiderate tbh.” This message released absolute chaos and put tension on the whole bridal party.

Bridal party reached out to the the bride and she did a 180. She told me I overstepped, started putting words in my mouth and tried to make it seem like I was crazy. She wouldn’t admit to asking me to take on these roles. She acted like I made up those messages and just wanted control. She just started straight lying. She just pretended like I had been overstepping the entire time and said I was over planning.

A week went by because I felt space and in person would make this conversation more approachable. I invited her out to dinner and this girl DOUBLES down on how the bridal party has full rights to hate me and it will take time WHILE telling me I need to get over it because its been a week and I am being selfish.

She then starts saying I’m jealous that she has friends and I am like girl… this has nothing to do with you having friends but the fact that you put me in a hard situation and turned on me. That is all I am trying to talk about. She just kept lying and making up stuff while I am trying to have a legitimate conversation.

After talking in circles at the restaurant I sent her a text that told her it’s best that I step down because I don’t even know who she is right now. A part of me feels sh!tty because its her day but she is also legitimately gaslighting me and pretending I made up stuff. AITA for saying something the bride communicated to me? AITA for not letting the brides betrayal go?

This is what people had to say to OP:

cthulularoo said:

Wow, she really made you middle management for her wedding party. And when she threw you under the bus? Yeah, I'd send screenshots of her text showing how she feels unloved, then dip. NTA, she's not your best friend.

OP responded:

I did send a screenshot to the group and she sent me another screenshot of my texts, saying “You’re a liar.😂” even though the screenshot literally include her saying that she wishes the bridal party would put in more effort and shows her asking me to initiate the group chat. I immediately left the group after that so I don’t know what happened. It has been a couple weeks, I just have still been questioning it all.

Equal_Factor_6449 said:

NTA for dropping out. Move on. Let them be.

AlternativeLie9486 said:

NTA. You didn’t blow things up. She did. She chose someone else for MOH then manipulated you into doing all the MOH work, played bridezilla and then blamed you for the inevitable fallout. Thats a shitty friend and I bet it’s not the first time she has avoided accountability and gaslit you. You are well out of the wedding and this toxic relationship.

DirectBar7709 said:

You were scapegoated. She obviously values the MOH's friendship more than yours. She was using you to triangulate and try to get the MOH to fall in line, and then when that blew up, she threw you under the bus so she wouldn't be mad at her.

This is obviously a relationship you care more about than she does, she felt you were disposable. You should honestly just block everyone involved and find a new friend group.

And FreshBluejay said:

What is it about weddings that make people lose braincells like this. She's not worth the drama, enjoy the peace.