'AITA for dropping out of my BFF’s bridal party after she made my ex her 'Man of Honor'?' UPDATED

"AITA for dropping out of my best friend’s bridal party after she picked my ex as her 'Man of Honor'?"

So my (F 36) best friend (F 39) is getting married, and I was all-in as one of her bridesmaids. We've known each other since college, shared heartbreaks, dorm rooms, and hangovers.

She knows everything about my breakup with my ex — he was emotionally manipulative, cheated on me, and caused a fallout so big I had to rebuild myself from the ground up. She was there for all of it, and at the time called him “literal garbage in a human costume.”

Flash-forward to last month: she tells me she’s choosing him as her Man of Honor because they “reconnected” and she thinks he's “grown.” I laughed because I thought she was joking. She wasn’t.

I tried to keep it together but told her I couldn't be in the bridal party if he was involved in such a major way. She said I was being dramatic, that her wedding isn't about me, and that she values his support too. So I dropped out. I still plan to go as a guest... but now she’s furious. She says I’m ruining her special moment over "old wounds" and making her choose sides.

But I feel blindsided. And betrayed. If the roles were reversed, I would never put her in a situation where she'd have to play nice with someone who crushed her heart. So… AITA for stepping back instead of standing by her side while my ex stands at hers?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Garden_Lady2 said:

No, YNTA!!! Holy cow, why should you feel bad about not standing by her side when it's so obvious she doesn't stand by you? She made her choice and if she really felt it any concern at all for you she would have asked you about it before asking your Ex to be Man of Honor. She was trying to stir the drama and she got what she wanted. Protect yourself from her, she's nasty.

Savage_Marie said:

N👏🏻T👏🏻A👏🏻… I can’t even believe you’re nice enough to still go. Couldn’t be me. It all seems very sus and maybe you’re not getting the complete story. Please do something petty 🙏🫣

OP responded:

She's still my best friend but I will update when I can.

Hungry_Blood_3949 said:

Good for you for dropping out, but personally, I would never attend that wedding. She's not your friend. Did she sleep with your ex?

OP responded:

Thats a good question, I will try to find out.

Ginger630 said:

Absolutely NTA! And this girl is NOT your friend at all. She’s an enemy. She knows what your ex did to you. Why would she even reconnect with him? I’d not only drop out of her wedding party, I’d drop the friendship altogether. And do not go to her wedding. She doesn’t deserve your friendship. Block her on everything as well. Make plans for that weekend with true friends who won’t betray you.

OP responded:

I might take this advice so ILYK.

2centsworth4u said:

NTA. With friends like her, who needs enemies? She’s choosing to re-traumatise you OP! And what qualifications does she have to asses whether he’s “grown” or not? The sheer audacity and arrogance.

After the wedding, she shared this update:

I kept my distance during the ceremony. Seeing my ex standing beside my best friend — the same person who once helped me pick up the pieces after he shattered me — felt surreal. He gave a speech. It was polished, charming, and full of inside jokes from their “reconnection.” I felt like I was watching a version of reality I didn’t belong to anymore.

After the ceremony, I tried to be cordial. I smiled, chatted with other guests, and avoided the bridal party. But my best friend cornered me during the reception. She said she missed me, that she wished I’d “just let it go” for her sake. I told her I was happy for her, but I couldn’t pretend everything was fine.

I reminded her that healing isn’t linear — and that asking me to stand beside someone who once emotionally wrecked me wasn’t just inconsiderate, it was cruel. She cried. I cried. We hugged. But it didn’t feel like resolution. It felt like goodbye.

I left early. I didn’t stay for the cake or the dancing. I walked out into the night feeling both lighter and lonelier. We haven’t spoken since. (By the way this was a couple of weeks ago)