'AITA for dropping out of my friend's wedding the day before because of my sick cat?'

"AITA for dropping out of my friends wedding the day before?"

My best friend (29F) recently got married. I (30F) have been her bridesmaid for about a year now, partaking in bridesmaids duties. Her and I have been close friends for several years. During our friendship, I moved to the other side of the country and am now a 6 hour flight away with a three hour time difference.

Her wedding took place on a Saturday. On Thursday, my cat, started acting strange but I didn’t think much of it. On Friday, I decided I had to take my cat to the vet. The vet said she had a kidney infection and that it was serious and that my cat would need to be hospitalized. I was terrified that she would die.

After going back and forth with myself (and my fiance) for hours, I made the truly difficult decision to call my friend on Friday and tell her I can’t make it to the wedding. When I told my friend, she said I should take care of my cat. I asked her if she was mad and she said “I don’t know how to feel.”

I love my friend, but I needed to stay here to be with her. It’s heart wrenching to think about my cat needing me and me being too far away to come. I’m all she has. Of course I felt incredibly guilty missing the wedding and I still feel awful about the decision. I didn’t make the decision lightly.

On the morning of the wedding, I sent her a text saying I hope the wedding goes well and that I’m happy she’s marrying her partner. She said “ok thanks”. I haven’t reached out since because I wanted to give her space and have her come to me.

Two weeks have gone by, and she texted me this morning (a little heated). She asked me how my cat was and I said she’s ok. She was hospitalized for a few days and is now at home. She told me that she disagreed with my decision. I told her that I’m so sorry and feel awful about missing the wedding. I told her I love her and continuously apologized. She asked me if I regret my decision and I said no.

She asked me why my fiance couldn’t handle it and I told her that it’s ultimately my cat and I want to be nearby if anything were to take a turn for the worse. One of the other bridesmaids texted me the morning of the wedding (8am) asking me if I could take a later flight and miss the wedding but come to the reception (which started at 6pm). I said it was too late.

Again, I’m 6 hours away with a 3 hour time change. I don’t know if there was a direct flight that would’ve gotten me in on time. My friend told me that people “volunteered” to her they would not have made the same decision as me and that what I did was “messed up”. I didn’t know my cat would be OK until Saturday at 11am. At that point, it was too late.

Again, I could not leave my cat if she needed me. I would never expect anyone in my life to abandon their animal. So, I was surprised when she said she wouldn’t have made the same decision as me. That she would have left her dog to be at my wedding if the roles were reversed. So, AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Rredhead926 said:

Look, I'm a cat person. Always have been. I have 4 cats right now. But if I had to choose between being in a friend's wedding or staying with my cat when said cat had another human to care for it, I would choose the friend. So yeah, I think YTA.

disasterbee said:

I mean yeah YTA here, but sometimes making the right choice for yourself means being the AH to other people.

CarlEatsShoes said:

YTA. You sitting in your house while your cat was at the vet did nothing for your cat. You bailing on the wedding that you committed to attend months ago for an actual human was very hurtful to the human. I hope your cat is there for you in 30 years when you need a friend.

Holiday_Decision4095 said:

Where you messed up most was deciding to "let her come to" you. You should have been all over that--immediate, profuse, repeated apologies, flowers. Seriously, silence from you? Yikes.

Lhamo55 said:

NAH. It was a difficult decision and had the cat died you would’ve felt inconsolable and guilty. Don’t beat yourself up over this. Either she gets over it or she doesn’t.

witchatiel said:

NTA, I’m kinda surprised by all the Y-T-A? From what you described, it sounds like you didn’t know if your cat would even be alive to come back to if you had gone to the wedding.

I would be willing to miss almost anything if it means I can spend time with my pet in its potential last moments and give it comfort. My pet is family. Idk, I guess different people have different priorities. If your cat had passed (and I’m glad to hear she’s okay!), would they be reacting the same way?

And Acceptable-Waltz-660 said:

NTA Doesn't matter if I'm getting married or not, if my friends think to leave their possibly dying pet for 24h to come to my wedding, I'd kick them back home. I'd sooner cancel my wedding over my cat than having her die when I'm not there. Then again, to me marriage is only an expensive piece of paper legally stating what you already know; you love one another and want to stay together.

And Gust_Front_Corvus said:

Nah - you have the right to stay with your cat (very glad she's alright!). She has the right to be mad you missed her wedding.