'AITA for dumping my girlfriend because of her kid?' 'I honestly thought I misheard her.'

"AITA for dumping my girlfriend because of her kid?"

So, I (29M) started seeing this girl,Julia (25F) about a month ago. Things were going really well, we had great chemistry, and I was enjoying getting to know her. I had no real complaints.She seemed fun, cool, and like someone I could seriously date.

Few days ago,I had just finished a long day at work, and I told her I’d pick her up and take her to this nice restaurant I’d been wanting to try. I was excited because I thought it would be a fun night. Then she replied, “I can’t tonight, my parents have plans, and I need to take care of my kid.”

At first, I was taken aback. I honestly thought I misheard her. Like, did she just say “kid?" I thought maybe she was talking about a younger sibling or something, but when I asked, she casually confirmed that she has a seven-month-old baby.

Now, I’m not someone who judges single mothers or anything like that, but this was the first time I was hearing about it. We had been seeing each other for a few weeks and I had no idea she had a baby, and she had never mentioned it before.

The way she said it so casually made it feel like I was the one who was supposed to just accept it, like it was no big deal. It's true I wouldn't have continued this relationship if I had known about her kid from the start. I was stunned. She told me her parents were handling the baby most of the time, but still, it was a lot to take in. I just told her okay and cut the call.

I didn’t reach out to her the day after our conversation, and she didn’t contact me either, probably busy with her kid. Two days later, she messaged me, but I didn’t reply because I didn’t know how to handle it.

That night, she called and asked if we should still go to the restaurant the next day. That’s when I realized I didn’t want to continue seeing her. I told her I didn’t know she had a child and that I didn’t want to be a step-parent, so it was best to end things. She calmly said, “Okay, I understand,” and we ended the call.

The next morning, I woke up to banging on my door. She was sobbing, telling me she loved me and begging me to meet her kid. She said I’d fall in love with the baby and wouldn’t leave. I told her if I had known about the kid, I wouldn’t have started dating her. She cried harder, and I told her I had to go to work (which was true).

At work, I got an anonymous call with offensive language. I’m not sure if it was her or someone else, but I’m suspicious. When I got home, neighbors told me she was crying loudly at my door and she banged on some of their doors too and introduced herself as my girlfriend, so they didn’t take any action.

Most were supportive, but one single mother, Georgia gave me a dirty look and said I shouldn’t have given her hope if I was just going to leave. Honestly, I’m still processing the whole situation. I never intended to be a step-parent, and I felt like she should have told me sooner.

I’m starting to feel like I’m being blamed for something that wasn’t my fault. AITA for ending the relationship and not being ready to take on the responsibility of dating a single mom?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

CatJarmansPants said:

Bullet dodged. She is absolutely unhinged. Firstly failing to mention she's got a child in over a month of dating? Huge red flag - like a red flag you could see from Neptune, at night, if it were being waved in a cave. Secondly, after a month of dating she shows up at your house, yelling the odds and crying like a lunatic? Yeah, another huge red flag.

Thirdly, thinking - only after a month of dating - that it's appropriate to have to step into the shoes of fatherhood? Madness, demented, howling, deranged madness. If you got all the red flags, you put them on a hill, flooded them with light, and broadcast it live on YouTube/Facebook/Bluesky? Yeah, this would be that. NTA.

Antique-Zebra-2161 said:

NTA, and it sounds like you dodged a bullet. Her behavior is, like, Lifetime-movie level crazy lady.

Chefnick500 said:

NTA it’s your choice…and if you didn’t know about her child...

Alocasiamaharani said:

NTA You weren’t dating that long and she deliberately kept her young child a secret. You didn’t do anything wrong.

ChurrosPotatoes said:

NTA. A kid should be known about up front. Also, it’s just a preference to not want to date moms, also a preference to not want to become a step-mom parent.

Glinda-The-Witch said:

NTA, by the end of the first date or before going on a second date, she should have let you know that she has a child. Not everyone wants children or wants to be a step parent. Quite honestly, I think you dodged a bullet here.

Not because of the kid but because of her reaction to your honesty. Telling you she loves you banging on your door after just a few dates is extremely concerning and why on earth would she ever want to put her child in a situation where her partner didn’t want to be a step parent, nothing good ever comes from that. If nothing else, I appreciate your honesty, she should too.