'AITA for dumping my ex because she hid from me that she had kids?'
"AITA for dumping my ex because she hid from me that she had kids?"
I am 19 m. I had been dating my ex, lets call her Samantha 19. She is my cousin, friend. My cousin introduced us at a party and we clicked. Not once did she or my cousin mentioned she had kids.
Not when I asked her out on a date or the 2 months we were dating. If I had known at the party I would have walked away then. Don't get me wrong, I dont hate kids! I have nieces and nephews who I love to pieces. I know I'll have kids in the future, but right now, it a pass.
How I found out she had kids is I was meant to be working, but a guy at work asked me to swap shifts with him and I ended up going to the mall. She was there with her kids. When she saw me she looked panicked.
It didn't even occurred to me they were her kids. I honestly thought she must be babysitting until her toddler cried for my ex to pick her up. It finally clicked that she was their mother.
I guess I was dumbfounded. I just walked away. Ignored her texts and ringing. I eventually answered and asked why didn't she tell me? She cried and said she really liked me but she was worried me knowing would scare me away but she would have eventually told me.
She said the kids dad had just decided to abandoned them. I said I'm sorry but its not going to work out and she cried some more and asked if it was because she has kids? I said yes. I wished her all the best and then blocked her on all my social media and her number.
My cousin came over raging mad, cussing me out for dumping my ex, just because she is a single mother and what POS I am and my ex is depressed. I couldn't get a single word in with all the screaming and I just shut the door in her face.
When she started banging on my door, I threatened to call the police and she finally left. She went to social media and family and told them about what I did and now I have people coming at me in person and on social. It's all making me second guess myself. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
You are 19, enjoy your life eat study and play game.
NTA. Just mute the sm for a while. You're still young for that kind of relationship. Study hard and work hard. Also, just mut the family who wants you to get back with your ex. She's an x. It doesn't matter.
Sad that the family didn't even try to hear the OP's side and just decided to believe the cousin completely. They also made him a villain in sm which is really concerning. And it seems the cousin orchestrated the whole thing to help her friend and she's pissed that it got ruined. OP should stay away from her too.
She asked if you broke up with her because she had kids...yes that and the LYING. What was her plan to get you to fall in love with her and then spring not one but 2 kids on you? That is some master manipulation there. "I would have told you eventually". It's pretty clear who the AH is here and it's not you!
NTA - This is a pretty major lie. If your ex girlfriend even saw you as a human being, and gave you the slightest modicum of respect, she would not have lied to you. Kids are a "mention on or before the second date, or break up" situation. Your cousin should be apologizing to you for defending a those lies and keeping that from you.
You did nothing wrong, and you have no use for a liar, that just wants to trap and use you. You dodged a bullet, and anyone defending the liar is not your friend, and doesn't care about you.
NTA but I just wanna put it out there that your cousin definitely knew. She clearly isn’t even a good mom if you were dating for that long and had no idea. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. I would argue, it's not that she had a kid....but kids, multiple, at 19. And she deliberately hid it from you. That means she knew it is an issue, so she chose to hide it. The reason I say this, is because I have a stepdaughter. Been in her life since I was 20, but I always knew about the child as I had been friends with her mother since Jr High. We're still happily married after 30+ years together.
So, I wonder when she planned to inform you of them, hide them for another 6 months or maybe until she became pregnant with yours? While I can understand not bringing it up on the first date, 2 months is plenty of time. Honesty is always the best policy.
NTA - but I'm curious, what was her endgame? Was she planning on keeping her kids a secret forever or just spring them on you all of a sudden when "the time was right?"
It's a fact that single mothers have a lot of problems in dating. Far more than single fathers. As your ex's example shows, in general dingle mothers get dumped with the kids. It's a social problem.
NTA. When a person is in a relationship with a parent, there is a relationship with the children. Even if that relationship is putting the needs of the children to have a present parent over the need to spend time with the partner, so there is separate living and a lot of alone time.
NTA. She hid something from you because she suspected you wouldn't want to date her. Doesn't matter if it's kids, debt, whatever (not wanting to make motherhood sound negative!).
She needs to sort out what she wants - if it's a serious relationship, she should be looking for someone who's happy to take on her kids, not someone she can guilt into it. And if she just wants a casual relationship, that's fine but the kids shouldn't be anywhere near it. She needs to pick one and approach it like an adult.