'AITA for wanting to dye my 7-year-old daughters' hair?' UPDATED

"AITA for wanting to dye my kids hair?"

So, I'm a single mom of triplets, three adorable little girls ( 7 years old). While I was pregnant with them, my friends made a lot of jokes about the Powerpuff Girls . So naturally, while growing up I made them watch the cartoon since I loved it too as a kid. They liked it a lot (thought it wasn't their favorite either).

Now, I'm kind of a nerd and I love superheroes and anime, so I like to go to conventions (anime or comics) and sometimes I'd bring my girls with me.

I had the idea that next time for once we could cosplay formally, and I thought it would be very cool for my girls to be the Powerpuff girls ! They were excited at the idea. At first I shopped for wigs, but wigs for kids are hard to find and also kind of expensive plus kids don't like to wear them as they are uncomfortable. I then thought '' why not just dye their hair then?''

I talked to them about it and they were actually excited about the idea of changing their hair color. I explained to them that it would last for some time, that it would be a one-time deal ( or a least not for a long time) and everything.

I talked to my hairdresser (because of course I would have this done by a professional) and she said semi-permanent hair dye would be OK and not a big deal especially just once.

Honestly, I just think it would make a hell of a cosplay and we were really excited about this! My girls think they would be pretty in ginger and black hair ( the last one won't dye her hair because she's blond like Bubble, she was ok with it as she really wants to be her). I thought it would be an awesome project with awesome pictures and memories associated and a lot of fun.

But then, I met my distant family (cousins) for a family party and happened to talk about my project. They were all horrified, saying dying hair was for adults, that it wasn't for children, that it would ruin their hair, that I was playing dress-up with them and using them. It shook me.

Yes, I admit, I love playing ''dress-up'' with my girls - but we just have fun together and I never push them. Also, for me it's not a big deal - it's just hair, they are happy to do it , it will grow back, the dye will wear off, it's semi-permanent.... Etc.

On the other hand... I might be the @$$hole because maybe it will damage their hair, I'm not sure? Maybe I should care more about this instead of saying '' it's just hair''. Plus, I've never seen ( or noticed) a kid with dyed hair before, so maybe it really ISN'T for kids and I'm being shallow and irresponsible. Maybe I'm using them without realizing it. So, AITA for wanting to dye my kids hair for a cosplay?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

RabiesPositive said:

Semi doesn't damage hair. Its basically just conditioner with color in it. Nta

Source: am a cosmetologist

OP responded:

Thank you! It's reassuring to have a second opinion from another professional.

GingersaurusRex said:

Mild YTA. I'm all for letting kids express themselves, and I don't think dying a 7 year old's hair is wrong if the 7 year old really wants it, but you are the one pushing this extreme cosplay idea onto three 7 year olds. They weren't the ones who came up with the idea. You were. You are treating your daughters like dress up dolls.

They are going along with it because they want mom to be happy, but they aren't thinking about the long term effects of having their hair dyed. What happens when one of them doesn't actually like how she looks with red/black hair and bursts into tears? What happens when they want to change characters and can't because they have to dress up as the character whose hair they have?

Depending on how you react after they have dyed hair could also have an impact on their self esteem. When I was 6 I thought blonde was the prettiest hair color. My mom knew this about me. For Christmas that year she decided to buy my sister and I "twin" dolls (dolls that looked like us.) My sister's doll had my sister's hair color. My doll's hair was significantly lighter/ blonder than my hair.

At the age of 6 I didn't think "mommy knows that I wish I had blond hair" I thought "Mommy thinks I'm ugly because I'm not blonde, and that's why she bought me a blonde doll instead of a doll that looks like me." You can have good intentions, and still accidentally send your kids negative messages about their natural appearances.

They make temporary hair dye for halloween costumes that washes out really easily. Bright red and black will be really easy colors to find. Let the girls have fun playing dress up/ cosplaying with the stuff that washes out after one day. Don't force them to change their appearance for what will feel like a lifetime to an elementary schooler.

soap---poisoning said:

Do all three of your girls have blond hair? Just so you know, semi-permanent dye doesn’t always come out of blond hair. It fades but often leaves the hair a weird color until it grows out.

OP responded:

Yes they do have blond hair. I didn't know that, hairdresser didn't talk about that. I will talk to her about it... I wouldn't want my girls to be stuck with weird hair. Thank you.

Sunshine61177 said:

YTA - at 7 years old, your daughters have what's called "virgin hair" because it's pure and hasn't been colored or damaged in any way. It may sound old-fashioned, but why would you do that just for your own self-gratification? This sounds like it's for you much more than your daughters.

I put semi-permanent pink in my hair earlier this year and it completely ruined my hair to the point where I had to cut it off just to get it healthy again. Thank goodness I only put it in the bottom. It may seem innocent, but if you have to use the stripper in any way to remove the natural color, your WILL damage your daughters' hair.

As someone who had hair all the way down my back and now it barely touches my shoulders, PLEASE don't do that to your daughters' hair just for a convention. If you really want to do this, then get a few cans of the Halloween hair coloring that washes out immediately instead of going for the semi-permanent route.

No matter what your hairdresser says, take it from someone who lost about a foot and a half of very long, very thick hair... it's not an easy fix to get it back to a healthy state again.

NeonArlecchino said:

NTA since your kids are for it. If they were against it it'd be a different story.

Keep having fun with your kids and being an awesome mom!

sleeping-slugs said:

Okay so you said that all your girls are blonde? I feel slightly bad about it but YTA then. Black dye, no matter semi permanent or not is notoriously impossible to get back out without completely damaging your hair.

Wigs are expensive yes, you complain that hair chalks fade, but I promise there’s a hundred better options than going right to dyeing. Plus as others have said, it doesn’t seem like this was even the girls idea, doing something so permanent on them when it’s something you wanna do... just reconsider.

And OP responded:

I was thinking it's get back out when their hair grows, but some people have pointed out that the color could wash out and they could find it not very pretty. So I'm currently looking into alternatives, yes! Though my main reason to not use wigs is because they're hot and uncomfortable.

She later shared this update:

Thank you so much for all the amazing answers! Your comments made me think. I decided I would dye my girls hair, but I won't use semi-permanent dye as many of you have told me it could wash out with time. You've given me some less permanent, better options and I'll definitively look into it!

And as for those who thought I was a narcissistic mother, I can assure you me and my girls have an amazing relationship and they absolutely never get pressured to do anything if not to go to bed on time. Thank you and sorry I couldn't answer every comment!