'AITA for not inviting sister's family to the beach on Easter holiday?'
"AITA for not inviting sister's family to the beach on Easter holiday?"
LOQUESEAPLIS
Hi everyone! I'm eager to read your responses because I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. A bit of background, my (34F) sister (37F) is my mom's favorite, no way around it. She got married really young and her husband is fine but a bit clueless, he works hard and provides a nice life but lifting a finger for the kids would be beyond him lol.
So my mom always instilled the "we gotta help her out" mentality, and I poured my heart and soul into helping her raise her kids for years. And I mean it. Sadly, she then thought it was my responsibility and even left me with her kids HOURS AFTER MY C SECTION.
Even now she throws full tantrums that ruin family vacations if I dont wanna look after her kids, but the general consensus in my family is: why couldnt you just take them? they really dont see the problem.
I mean, I would still make the effort of helping out if she had ever been even a bit nice to my kids - shes indifferent at most and downright rude at times. Which brings me to the present situation.
My husband's family has a beach house and for years we would go there with my entire family to spend holidays - easter, xmas, new years and the like. However there is always something with her - I bring the food for everyone but shell bring some snacks for her kids ONLY. My son asked for a yogurt one time and she said no - LMAO!!!
One time I asked for a bit of cheese for my daughter and she said no. That sort of thing. She'll bring a bag of pool noodles and shit from the dollar store for her kids only - my kids arent allowed to touch them or use them and she acts so annoyed if they even ask about them - for the record my kids are 5 and 3 YO.
So this week we're going to the beach house and I havent invited her. She asked if they could go and I said no. So she wrote to my husband thinking he'd override me and say yes of course. He didnt even reply to her message.
Now shes boohooing to anyone who'll listen about how bad I am and pracically it's my fault her family won't get a vacation. AITA for not inviting her? I feel terrible for her kids but I just cant stand her being so effing rude to my kids in my face in my house.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Lunar-Eclipse0204
NTA - and don't feel bad for her kids because in teh long run they are going to grow up to be just like her. this is what I would send her: You aren't invited for many reasons:
1) You don't seem to want to treat my children with respect. 2) You seem to think that you get free daycare from me while I am also trying to enjoy time with my kids and family. 3) You can't seem to help out beyond what you think is the bare minimum. I am also no longer helping you with your kids outside of true emergencies.
You need to put your foot down and anyone who comes at you for it, tell them your exact reasons and if they can't respect that, well then they get little contact with you as well.
lilies117
NTA at all. Let her read this after it gets a few more comments so she sees that her behaviour is disgusting. I cannot believe she left you with her kids after you had a csection!
I hope this boundary helps you to get brave enough to speak up from the start from now on. There is a great book about boundaries -- hopefully someone knows the title and author for you. It escapes me at this time.
Sweet-Interview5620
Be prepared for her to try and turn up and your mum make a big scene of her kids expected to come you can’t break their hearts and turn them away now. Make sure everyone knows they will be thrown out if they try and bring her or her kids.
TheGoldDragonHylan
Honey, cut the cord. Don't involve your sister, grey rock your family. NTA, about this, of course, but get some distance, if only to protect your kids.
ReviewOk929
NTA - After years of treating you that way she really does not deserve to be invited or much of anything really. Surprised you put up with it for so long.
Horse_Beef678
NTA. Being taken advantage of will continue forever (and get worse) if you don't take a stand. Good for you. I'd politely offer her the reason why they are not invited and won't be invited, but don't let her bait you into an argument.
Honestly, I doubt the feedback will land at all she sounds kind of terrible haha. I've dealt with this kind of behavior and it's usually based in entitlement and complete lack of self awareness, which makes correcting bad habits very much uphill.
Whatever-and-breathe
NTA.
"My husband's family has a beach house."
They are not untitled to use your husband family beach house. You are doing a favour to them. They are actually lucky that you have offered FREE beach holidays, which include food! Do they even give money towards utilities or participate with anything?
What about when you need a break from the children, do any of them step up? I am sorry to say but if you don't stand your ground now they will always continue to disrespect you, including your parents. Write a message/email to your parents and sister. Make your boundaries clear and stick to them.
I would personally pour my heart out about the fact that you have been taken for granted and used for years but no more. You actually put your health at risk with you c section for a group of ungrateful people.
Grand parents can deal with sisters kids, they created your monster of a sister. I would put every example you gave in your post and more, and just say no more. Send the message to anyone who try to put pressure on you.
Honestly what do those people bring to your life and the life of your family? Teach your kids that the way their mum is being treated (and they are) is not ok, and that you all deserve better.