'AITA for being annoyed my partner came to the opera in gym attire and ate during the play.'
"AITA for being annoyed that my partner came to the opera in gym attire and ate during the play?"
theatre_loover
Due to a project we recently did at work, my colleagues told me we can get free opera tickets, with a plus one. I was really excited, since I love opera, and asked my partner to join me. He told me he would join after the gym and we will meet on the spot.
So we meet at the location, and he is wearing gym stuff - sports shorts and a sports vest. He joked how it is probably too snobbish of a place for it, and he took a pair of jeans with him and a shirt, but he doesn’t really want to bother.
Now, since I was a small kid and we went to the theatre with my school or parents (where I am from theatre/opera/ballet tickets are super cheap for school kids, and it is a very common school activity to go with your whole class) - I knew that it is basic common sense to look decent at such places.
I am no fan of fancy overdressing myself, and my partner knows it, however is it not ok to expect at least plain jeans, and not sweatpants? And not to talk loud, EAT OR DRINK during the live performance on stage?
So seeing all the actually nicely dressed people arriving to the venue, my partner annoyingly said that I would probably want him to wear the jeans, and now we have to find a place for him to go change, even though he is not so keen on it. I was relieved and did not want to argue, so I did not say much about it, and we had to go around the corner for him to change.
The first act was good, and we went to get some snacks in the break, but due to the long queue we did not have the time to eat them. So we come back to our places, my partner sits between me and my colleagues and with my side vision I see him taking the food out.
Now as I mentioned we are adults in our late 30s, and as far as I am concerned I do not have to tell a 35+ year old adult basic etiquette, but I had a bad feeling about it so I turned to him and whispered “don’t!!”.
He laughed and I was relieved thinking he was just doing a weird joke or whatever. 30 seconds with my side vision I see him EATING the snacks. I was absolutely mortified and speechless, I poked him with my elbow, but he just kinda laughed and ignored me.
I was ready to melt through the floor from embarrassment - I can not BELIEVE I am seeing a grown person EATING during an opera, and even worse - that being my partner, right next to my colleagues who invited me here.
A few minutes later my partner leaned to tell me something, but I was still burning from shame and anger and did not reply, so he asked “is it about the food?” and then rolled his eyes, sighed loudly and stopped talking to me.
I could not enjoy the rest of the opera at all, and when my colleagues gathered to discuss it afterwards, I was still feeling too embarrassed. I just excused myself and left as soon as possible.
My partner caught up with me outside and was annoyed at me “being so stuck up about such a petty thing”. According to him it was dark, and he wasn’t sitting direct in front of the stage so “who cares, it is ok”.
I told him it is about how far he sits, it is common sense to not do such things in a theatre, he rolled his eyes and told me “there is no such rule, it is not written anywhere” and that I am “making up some imaginary rules just to go at him”.
I really can not wrap my head around this, so I started questioning my sanity. He also told me that, in his opinion, it is me who has a problem and I should discuss it with my therapist “that I care too much what people think” (I am in therapy for different reasons, he was actually the one who encouraged me to start therapy in the first place).
I mean it is not just about “what people think” - as an artist myself I find it insanely rude, uncultured and disrespectful both to actors and people next\to you to bring food to the opera and eat it DURING the live performance!
We came here specifically for this live event, can you really not wait for like an hour?!
AITA for being angry and disappointed with the whole experience?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NatashOverWorld
It sounds like he's punishing you for going. Only a complete ignoramus wouldn't know the basic etiquette, at least by observation. Seems intentional to me. NTA.
lunaleechats
I think it's more that he's punishing her for "making" him come with her. After the way he behaved, I'm sure he doesn't expect her to invite him anytime soon. In his mind, he won.
NatashOverWorld
I don't think so. He seems to have a chip on his shoulder about snobs, which if she's going, would make her one. OP didn't mention him protesting or her having to convince him, he just went and made sure she was miserable. I think that's his win 'condition', that she didn't enjoy it.
11SkiHill
Why are you with someone who has no manners, who rolls their eyes at you? Who makes you look like rube in front of work colleagues? Where are you headed in life?
Canadian_01
As others have said, you are NTA and he was trying to show you something.
A - don't invite me to these things. B- I don't respect you or your work colleagues. C - I am a child so don't try to make me 'adult'.D - I am making a statement against 'snooty stuff' by wearing my gym clothes, and I don't care how it makes you feel.
I mean, you don't say how long you've been together, is this behaviour totally outside of the norm for him? Or, does he ever go to events that require 'some' form of dress code?
If he doesn't go places and treats everything like a movie theater, either he could have asked, or you should have set expectations 'the dress code for this kind of stuff is usually xyz'. You are NTA, and you guys should really talk about this.