'AITA for not making an effort with my partner's stepmom?'
'AITA for not making an effort with my partners step-mum?'
Ever since I (M20) started dating my partner (F19), her stepmom has disliked me. Despite her short temper, I’ve always tried to be polite, even when she made me feel inadequate.
She and her friend used to fabricate cruel rumors about me, like claiming I dated an underaged girl, which was sickening. Over the summer and at the start of my second year of uni, I lived at her house to spend more time with my partner. I paid a small rent to cover food costs and thought her attitude toward me was improving.
However, living there was stressful due to her strict rules. For example, leaving our bedroom messy resulted in a £20 fine per person because it was "bad for mental health." I wasn’t allowed to cook after my late-night shifts, and even cleaning her kitchen slightly differently could provoke yelling. It felt like walking on eggshells.
My partner and I decided to move out to escape the tension, and we’ve been gone for about six weeks now. Before we left, her stepmom insisted on buying furniture and second-hand appliances for our new place.
Although I didn’t want her help, she ignored my objections and bought them anyway. She later told me all the items belonged to my partner if we broke up and that my partner could afford the rent without me—comments that felt spiteful and unnecessary.
After moving out, I initially messaged her a few times, but her replies were short and uninterested. She never initiated contact, so I stopped trying.
When my partner and I recently visited her, I asked how she was, only for her to angrily accuse me of not staying in touch after “everything she’d done for me.” I apologized and promised to make more effort, but she said I was on my “second strike.”
I’m exhausted from trying to win her over, only to be disrespected. I no longer want her in my life. Am I the asshole for giving up on having a relationship with her? I feel like I’ve tried so hard but am always made to feel like the bad guy.
Let's see what readers thought:
agp90 writes:
NTA. You teach people how to treat you. You let her insult you, force you into accepting "gifts", and you apologzied when you'd done nothing wrong. This won't change until you change it. You have a partner problem. She is allowing this behaviour.
Stop trying with SM, and make GF deal with her from now on. If furniture shows up that you don't want, decline it and return it.
fela writes:
NAH. You already stopped trying. She acknowledged you stopped trying. Now you will stop trying again? Do what you wish, but this reads as if your upset she wants to make sure her kiddo has a escape route in the event y'all relationship goes south, a prudent, not asshole, move.
oa72 writes:
This is it. Nothing in this post was unreasonable for either party… except OP seems to want to find offense in everything step-mom does.
OP responds:
How did I stop trying? I was the one messaging first and only ever received short, uninterested replies. She didn't once message me and then got upset when I stopped. Communication works both ways and it shouldn't be up to me to get in touch every time.
I understand the relationship get-out but the way she came across was very harsh and I know the way I write it sounds fine because I ran out of characters to write with on the initial post but it wasn't a simple explanation, it was aggressive and threatening.
And she and her friend have mentioned many times in the past how they don't think we're going to last and I'm just practice for her future relationships and so it just seemed unnecessary.