'AITA for refusing to help my foster parents after they treated me like a servant?'
"AITA for refusing to help my foster parents after they treated me like a servant?"
Potential_Board_3015
I (32F) grew up in foster care, and after bouncing between homes, I ended up with a couple when I was about 12. At first, they seemed alright, but it didn’t take long for me to realize that I wasn’t really part of the "family".
From the day I moved in, I was treated more like a live-in maid than a daughter. They’d make me do all the cleaning, cooking, laundry—you name it. I was the one who scrubbed the floors, cooked their dinners, washed their clothes... even had to iron them to their standards.
They didn’t even let me have a normal childhood. No after-school activities, no hanging out with friends, and forget dating. I was always told, "You’re needed at home," like I was just there to serve them. If I didn't do a good enough job or if I missed something, they'd punish me by giving me more chores or they’d sometimes take food away.
Emotionally, they were just cold. They never gave me advice, never helped me with school, and certainly never encouraged me to do better. When I wanted to apply for college, I had to figure it all out on my own. They didn't even help me with applications or support me in any way. I always felt alone in that house.
But I worked my ass off to get out. I managed to go to college, get a good job in marketing, and now I’m doing really well for myself. I’ve moved on and tried to put it all behind me.
A few weeks ago, though, I got a call from my old foster parents. They’re struggling now, apparently in debt, and they said they need financial help. They expect me to take care of them because they "raised me."
I was furious. I told them after the way they treated me, they have no right to ask for anything. I owe them nothing. They got super upset, calling me ungrateful, selfish, and saying that all the “tough love” they gave me made me who I am today.
They’re even telling my foster siblings (who they treated way better, by the way) that I’m heartless for abandoning them. And now my foster siblings are piling on, saying I should help them out and that I’m holding onto the past too much. I don’t know... I don’t think I owe them anything, but maybe I’m being too harsh? AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
InflationLove
Sounds like they're still treating you like a servant, just asking for a different kind of help. You're not obligated to give anything, OP.
Potential_Board_3015 (OP)
Thank you ... they still think I'm there servant but they are wrong.... 😢
completedett
I'm sure they got paid by the government to look after you so actually they didn't raise you, you just lived in their home like a slave and they got paid for that.
elynamisss
True! NTA. It sounds like your foster parents treated you more like a servant than a family member, which is unacceptable. You’ve worked hard to build your life despite their lack of support, and it’s not your responsibility to help them after how they treated you.
It’s understandable that they’re upset, but that doesn’t change the reality of your experience. You owe them nothing, and it’s okay to stand your ground.
Desperate_Task_5044
You're not in the wrong. Your foster parents treated you more like a servant than a child, offering no real support. You don’t owe them anything, especially after their neglect. Your success is entirely your own and not a result of their so-called "tough love." You're right to protect yourself, and you have no obligation to help those who mistreated you.
Great-Condition9729
The state pays for foster parents to house foster kids like you. You can tell them that’s all they get from you.
BellaxGlam
I agree. That's the only money that they will be getting out of you OP. Yes they made you the person that you are today but not by raising you as there own but because of the bad experience you had from them. You are not being harsh, you don't owe them anything, you are not ungrateful. They don't deserve what you have right now. Tell your foster siblings to help them out and just do a NC. NTA.
InflationLove
It seems that you are still being treated as a servant, even though they are requesting assistance in a new way. OP, you are under no need to contribute anything. Don't let them depress you; instead, keep moving forward.
Potential_Board_3015 (OP)
Thank you that's what I'm going to do 👏
Clingylola
NTA. Your foster parents treated you like a servant, not a child, denying you a normal upbringing and any emotional support. You worked hard to build a better life for yourself without their help, so you don't owe them anything now.
Their claim that their "tough love" made you who you are is just manipulation, and you're right to refuse. You're not obligated to take care of people who mistreated you, no matter what your foster siblings say.