'AITA for embarrassing my parents in public over an allergy?' 'Why are you being so rude?'
"AITA for embarrassing my parents in public over an allergy?"
I (19F) have been allergic to dairy since I was a baby. My doctor and parents had a whole schedule for the first half of my life to get me acclimated to dairy. It went from me throwing up every night as a baby to the point where I could eat a pretty unrestricted diet and have no real symptoms other than stomach pain when I was in middle school.
This sounds kind of stupid lol but it took me until a couple of months ago to realize that the stomach pain is actually a symptom and not a thing I just need to deal with. I was on a school trip and asked if I could have the dairy-free meals (because I knew my stomach would feel icky from motion sickness and traveling) and I actually ended up feeling great...
So ever since coming back to university I've basically gone dairy-free and my digestion has been great. However, because I now have lost all my tolerance for dairy, even very little makes me nearly as sick as when I was a really young child.
I've told my parents this and they basically said "Do whatever you want at school but we didn't spend nearly two decades getting you used to dairy just to cut it out now, that's a lot of time wasted."
I had to go home recently for a family event that my parents hosted and we had a big family meal with a lot of extended relatives where nearly everything had dairy. I tried scraping sauce and cheese off of stuff but I ingested some anyway clearly because I felt gross and spent a lot of time in the bathroom.
At one point my mother got annoyed at me for leaving the table so much (I was leaving a lot) and said kind of angrily, "Why are you being so rude at this event?" This annoyed me because I didn't feel I was being rude, I was sick, so I said to her "Why don't you take my allergy seriously? You're the reason I've been eating stuff that makes me sick for all my life."
The issue is that I think that was kind of harsh of me. My parents do believe I have an allergy, they just also believe they cured it with the diet plan my doctor had me on. And they've told me that they only pursued it because my doctor said it could increase my quality of life to not have an allergy--which, to be fair, when I was on this plan I was able to digest more without getting sick, my stomach just hurt a lot.
I feel like I may've been unnecessarily rude in how I reacted to my mother, and I'm also worried I drew attention to myself that wasn't needed (a lot of my relatives were asking if I was okay after dinner, which was kind of them but really not the focus of the event).
EDIT:
I appreciate everybody telling me I'm lactose intolerant. I am not. I have been to several doctors throughout my life and gotten actual allergy tests. I am allergic to the dairy protein. If the symptoms I've shared sound like lactose intolerance, that's very interesting and good to know, but the one thing I am certain about is the diagnoses I have received.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
WyvernJelly said:
NTA. My sister wasn't diagnosed with a dairy allergy (protein not lactose) until she was in college. Growing up she got stomach aches from eating ice cream. In college she ended up in the hospital where she found out that she is allergic to dairy and gluten. Since cutting them out of her diet she's felt better. The gluten allergy isn't severe but too much (or several days of exposure) and it affects her gut.
Otherwise_Degree_729 said:
NTA. You’re not supposed to be in pain every time you eat. That sounds like torture and they should have stopped the diet a long time ago, maybe consult a decent doctor.
Otherwise_Degree_729 said:
NTA. You’re not supposed to be in pain every time you eat. That sounds like torture and they should have stopped the diet a long time ago, maybe consult a decent doctor.
Mysteryyy87 said:
NTA. It's your body and your diet. Stomach pain is a valid symptom and if you're feeling the benefits of avoiding it, then that's a positive. Your parents are maybe just aggrieved at what they see as being a waste of time now, but their efforts likely gave you a lot more freedom in your childhood. It doesn't mean you owe it to them to continue suffering in silence though.
Unlikely-Shop5114 said:
NTA. Sounds like you did the milk ladder. My daughter is lactose intolerant. But there are dairy products that she can tolerate and many that she can’t. By doing the milk ladder we found out what triggered her and we avoid them.
Spinnerofyarn said:
NTA. If eating a specific food causes you pain, then of course you shouldn't eat it. That doctor was awful and if I'm generous, your parents weren't very smart for considering if they'd be willing to regularly eat a food that made them hurt and whether or not that should be forced on a child.