Employee threatens to go to HR over Christmas 'Adopt a Family' program at work. AITA?

"AITA for telling a coworker that I’ll go to HR if they keep pushing the Xmas adopt a family on me?"

My job has adopted a family for Xmas and there are many options to choose from to get each adult and child. The gift options have started to fly off the board, cool but apparently someone has noticed that I haven’t been joining in the conversation about what option they chose or what to buy a teenage boy/girl.

I was asked if I chose something off the board and I simply replied that I don’t celebrate Christmas. Said coworker then said that it didn’t matter if I celebrated or not, that it was a time for giving and we should help those who can’t do for themselves…

Now little background on me. I grew up extremely poor as in when these holidays came around, it was nothing but misery for my siblings and I. Thanksgiving was just normal dinner for us unless we were forced to visit family and we rarely got anything for Christmas.

My mom felt that we needed to be around family during the holidays so we were always forced to go over families houses for Xmas and watch the kids have everything we never had. Some of my worst childhood memories were waking up on Christmas Day to nothing.

We never had a tree or presents to put under it. Always having to hear my younger siblings cry from disappointment and then being forced to go over a cousins house and watch them open their gifts. Watching them get the things I always wanted and toss them aside to never look at them again.

Being asked what I got for Xmas and trying to decide to lie to not embarrass my mom or be honest and have them pity us is not something a child should do. At some point my mom signed us up for these adopt a family/firetruck to bring gifts/ whatever charity you could think of just like the one my job is doing.

She did for years (I know as I was usually with her when she signed us up) and no one ever came through for us, ever. So it’s safe to say that I feel some kind of way about these so called ‘charities’ and learned a couple of things early in life and vowed to never contribute yo these things because no one cared about me and my siblings so why should I care for anyone else this time or year?

Why should I go out of my way to help when we were never helped? People metaphorically said f my mom and her kids so f them and their kids. So back to my coworker.

I told her that these people are not my responsibility and if she felt so strongly about it then to grab an extra card off the board. I know I shouldn’t have said that but the anger in me just spilled over. Then replied that I didn’t have to be a grinch to which I said, ‘if you keep harassing me about what I chose to not celebrate then it will become an HR issue. The dropped it after that.

Now I don’t feel bad for what I said and I stand by how I feel, but honestly it kills me how self righteous people can be about these things. Most just do it to make themselves feel better and think they changed a child’s life with a $10 Walmart gift card.

But I overheard some talking about the incident and it put me in a bad light. I know I don’t owe anyone an explanation but I didn’t like hearing being talked about like that without any context. AITA for how I responded?

EDIT:

I think some people are missing the point here. My job has adopted 1 family and the cards are a number of different things they want, so for the people who are saying that I’m ruining some kids Xmas, you’re wrong.

They’re getting stuff from everyone else, just not me. Also just because I choose to not donate to random strangers (like most people choose not to do) doesn’t mean I don’t give back in other ways.

My family is my priority and they will be provided for first and foremost and that taught me that me and mine will never come before anyone else’s own family. They didn’t owe us anything and I’m simply adopting that same mindset. Anyone else who says otherwise is lying.

My nieces and nephews will never know the hurt my siblings and I felt over the holidays. And finally, I work hard for my money so I’m going to spend it how I like on whom I like.

I just find it funny that some of you are so damn sanctimonious and hypocritical. How often do you donate, especially in this economy? Also how often do you donate to poor children outside of the holiday season? As someone in the comments mentioned, there’s more than just the holiday season that poor kids need things.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

BlueGreen_1956 said:

NTA. I have a very simple rule about any kind of solicitation: Once I say "No, thank you," if you proceed to say anything else, you open yourself up to being told to go f yourself.

2npac said:

NTA for not contributing but you need to talk to a therapist. It sounds like you hold a lot of anger and resentment from your youth that you've carried over into adulthood. I grew up poor as well and one thing it's taught me is to appreciate what you have and it makes me want to help those less fortunate even more. It's not healthy to hold onto all of that bitterness.

pandora840 said:

NTA. She should have only mentioned it once and accepted your first answer, end of story. While I think some of these causes are worthwhile, I also don’t know what goes on behind people’s doors, whether it be for financial reasons, something rooted in trauma, or many other reasons. It should never be forced, that’s entirely against the spirt of giving anyway.

Aside from that, I do hope you are able to heal some of your wounds - not to appease anyone else, but because you deserve peace. You don’t deserve to carry this burden. I am so sorry these form part of your childhood memories, the complete lack of empathy and understanding shown to you in so many ways is completely unacceptable.

shammy_dammy said:

NTA. This is not compulsory and they need to stop harassing you over it.

Hepcat508 said:

NTA. You're still holding a lot of trauma from your own life experience. NGL, while my story isn't quite as bad as yours, it still triggered in me some PTSD from my own childhood. Yes, Christmas is a time for giving, but when you spent your childhood in deep resentment and shame, that's really hard to do. Take care.

WasteMouse7666 said:

NTA for declining, which is your right. However, I would ask that you think about the difference someone contributing might have made for you and your siblings. It sucks that those charities didn't come through. It sucks even more that the family that you visited ignored your family's need. But perhaps you can change the narrative for another child or family.