'AITA for encouraging my aunt to help my backstabbing sister instead of trying to make me do it?'
"AITA for encouraging my aunt to help my backstabbing sister instead of trying to make me do it?"
Recent_Row7234
My sister (26f) and I (27f) have not spoken in 7 years after she got pregnant with my then-boyfriend's child. I had been dating him for 5 years and he had talked about us getting married, which my sister knew.
She told me about their affair publicly and did so in a way that made it seem like she was trying to paint me as some awful person for being with her unborn child's father instead of acknowledging the fact he was my partner who she slept with.
He called it off with her after I broke up with him and he wanted me back. My sister then wanted to make amends and I told both of them I never wanted to see their faces again. My sister tried to play the family card and the innocent child (her baby) card.
Then she tried to play the "we have horrible parents" card claiming we needed each other. I told her I didn't need another terrible person in my life and she was as dead to me as our parents are.
Our aunt was someone who did look out for us when she realized we had horrible parents. She wasn't very involved but was the only family we really had. She hated what happened between us but never said much about it.
My sister and ex got back together and they had another kid and stayed together until last year or something. He ended up f'ing her over and leaving her without a place to stay. She was also dumb to rely entirely on him.
She lost her job during this too. She reached out to our aunt to find out if I could help her. My aunt told me my sister was homeless, jobless and her and her kids had nothing going for them.
I told her it wasn't my problem. In response I got a voicemail my aunt forwarded on of my sister crying and apologizing and saying she really loves and misses me and she hates that she hurt me and she needs me more than ever and she just wants her big sister right now because her life's a mess.
I told my aunt it wasn't my problem anymore. My aunt dug deep to try and change my mind and she has told me multiple times I should step up as a sister. I told her I have no plans to help that backstabber.
My aunt said we were all each other had for years and that should count for something. I told her it should have but didn't. My aunt pointed out I'm engaged to a wonderful guy and we're doing well for ourselves and have built a nice life together and I should reconcile with my sister and do better.
I encouraged her to help my backstabber of a sister instead of trying to make me do it since she never wronged her and she's actually concerned about her. I told her it would be far more helpful.
My aunt told me I sounded like our parents and I told her if I was like our parents, my sister would never have thought for a single second she could even try to reach out to me. My aunt made it clear she thought less of me for my stance. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
lemon_charlie
NTA. You cleaned your hands of your sister and your ex, you have no responsibility to help her. For your sister to pull the "we have shitty parents" card was hypocritical of her considering how her own baby was conceived (and the spin she put on it making you the bad guy). You're protecting yourself from someone who has hurt you.
Recent_Row7234 (OP)
Yep! It's also the fact we both had shitty parents but I did my best to be there and protect her and I'm not years older than her so it was more insulting to me because I was a kid going through that too only I didn't have an older sister to help me.
lemon_charlie
She made the decision to sleep with your then long-term boyfriend, she made the shitty decision. Where was she protecting you by making you out as the bad guy for being cheated on? She's only wanting you back in her life because he's betrayed her. Keep up the NC.
Horror-Ad-8903
NTA. Your sister is responsible for her own mess, and it sounds like the aunt is just tired or being your sister's support and wants you to do it instead. Does your current partner know about your sister, or what she did? If not it might be worth warning him in case your aunt or ex-sister try to to get to you through him.
Recent_Row7234 (OP)
My fiancé knows everything. From my past with my parents and all the gory details. To what my sister did. Why we no longer talk. My ex. My aunt. He knows it all. I was open and honest with him from a very early point.
Ratchet_gurl24
Ahhhh, the consequences of her actions have left her in a dire position. She’s now desperately trying to seek help from the person the so diabolically betrayed. I can’t possibly understand why she thinks you’d welcome her back with open arms and act like alls forgiven.
Cursd818
NTA. Tell your aunt that you think less of her for being so manipulative towards you and supporting your sister after what she did to you. There IS a right side here, and when your aunt played neutral as you were wronged, she made it obvious who she was choosing.
She's making it obvious again now that she is trying to bully you into helping someone who CHOSE to treat you like trash. Don't let her get in your head about being the better person or not being like your parents.
SHE is the one being like them right now. In your shoes, I wouldn't have anything to do with your aunt, either. She may be the best of a bad bunch, but that doesn't mean she's actually a good person.