'AITA if I end a 5-year relationship over how my GF treated me on my birthday?'

"AITAH for considering ending a 5 year long relationship over how my GF treated me on my birthday?"

My birthday was last week. My girlfriend (both 29) offered to make me breakfast and asked when I’d like it. I said 10:30am. We had an argument the night before, but we apologized and made peace. I was sick (fever, cough) and slept on the couch so she could rest undisturbed.

The next morning, I woke up and started making breakfast so it’d be ready at 10:30. She rushed in and told me she’d make it later, then left to go back to sleep because she hadn’t slept well after our fight. I was confused and hurt but finished making breakfast alone. I even cried a bit before pulling myself together.

She sat down while I was eating and immediately brought up the previous night again, despite already receiving a sincere apology. I apologized again, but she kept accusing me of not listening or owning up. This happens often — my feelings get dismissed, my apologies go unheard, and any attempt to share how I feel is turned back on me.

Later, she casually said, “Next time I won’t suggest breakfast that early,” when she had asked me what time I wanted it. It stung. It was my birthday — a day that really matters to me — and instead of feeling celebrated, I felt ignored and blamed. She hadn’t even said happy birthday yet.

I gently told her it hurt that she didn’t follow through on what we agreed. She got defensive, saying I wasn’t being empathetic. When I reminded her how important birthdays are to me, she started crying and asked if she’s a horrible girlfriend. I said no — and ended up comforting her, even though I was the one hurt.

I’ve been left with a pit in my stomach. I often let things slide and try to see the bigger picture when she’s having a hard time, but I don’t feel that grace is returned. AITA — or wrong for reconsidering the relationship?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Napalm_Springs said:

Well, you're not breaking up with her because of how she treated you on your birthday. You're breaking up with her, because she's been doing this over and over, and now she's done it on your birthday, while you're sick. Sounds completely reasonable to me. NTA.

BookishBitching said:

someone who does this will always suck the life out of you. I always had to make my own bday plans, give her money to buy my gifts and then tell her exactly what i wanted, and deal with her sleeping until 4 or 5pm on the day. it never got better, it only got worse. leave now and save yourself some heartache later.

Personal-Yam-819 said:

There is a whole lot more to this story you haven’t provided. What was the fight about? Is this an isolated incident or is she always like this?

OP responded:

The fight was about me being upset that she had put a kitchen towel that she used to catch moths with back in the kitchen and I had used it to dry my hands throughout the day. I get very stressed about germs and have a serious fear of bugs, butterflies and moths. I got stressed and kept telling her how icky and disturbing I found it.

She kept saying was being rude and that I needed to change the way I spoke to her. I didn’t speak about her, just the fact that I found the situation very difficult and icky. However I apologized, and expressed that I could have communicated better. Then this lead to a talk about how I was overreacting and need to work on my ability to own up to my shortcomings.

It has never happened on my birthday before. But is definitely a pattern of most of our arguments. Often feels like she decides when a fight starts and when it ends and I just try my best to keep the peace or be steady.

AubergineForestGreen said:

NTA. This is a toxic relationship and you are being emotionally abused. She guilt trips you, disregards your feelings, then manipulates you into comforting her. If you don’t want to celebrate another birthday crying and feeling worthless - you need to leave. She has already broken you down into submission. Don’t lose what’s left of you.

AubergineForestGreen said:

She did this on purpose because you hate bugs. She waited until the end of the day to reveal this to you - why? - because she got satisfaction from seeing you unknowingly touch it.

Another reason to break up. Your girlfriend hates your guts.

OP responded:

I do not agree with that. She doesn’t hate me. She said she put it back because she forgot and I truly believe her.

MyRedditUserName428 said:

She doesn’t behave as though she loves you. Would you treat her or anyone you love the way she has treated you? On their birthday no less?

And OP responded:

You really hit a nerve here! I would never treat anyone like this! I really do my best to always be a force of positivity, be steady and to protect people I care about.

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