'AITA for considering ending a decade-long friendship because my bridesmaid is skipping my bachelorette for her boyfriend?'
"AITA for considering ending a decade-long friendship because my bridesmaid is skipping my bachelorette for her boyfriend?"
I (24F) am getting married soon and have a small bridal party—just three bridesmaids. We planned a simple bachelorette day the a Thursday before the Saturday wedding because I and one of the bridesmaids live out of state.
We choose that day to be mindful of everyone’s schedule and budget, especially since two of the bridesmaids recently got married, and one is currently pregnant. It’s not a huge trip—just a chill day to catch up, get our nails done and have dinner together.
One of my bridesmaids (24F), let’s call her “Jenna,” and I have been friends for over a decade. We met at summer camp, kept in touch through, made plans to spend time together even though it was long-distance, and later went to the same college.
During college we hung out and stayed close. After college, o moved out of state for work, and while I’ve tried to see her when I visited, plans have really worked out. She’s never come to visit me, and it’s been nearly three years since we’ve seen each other in person. We still stay in regular contact.
Jenna recently started dating a guy—let’s call him “Charlie”. About a month ago, she told me he’d be attending the wedding as her plus-one. My fiancé and I had a general rule that we wouldn’t offer plus-ones unless we’d met them or the couple had been together for at least six months, just to manage our venue’s capacity.
But I made an exception for Jenna because she seems genuinely happy, and I wanted to support her. Her past romantic relationships haven’t been the best and I truly believe she deserves to be happy and deserves the best.
Shortly after that, Jenna told me she wouldn’t be attending the bachelorette day because she and Charlie would be traveling together and would be there right in time for rehearsal, that’s another story.
I told her that I was hurt—I haven’t seen her in so long, and this day was really important to me. She said she wouldn’t think about it and see if she could make something work.
A few days ago, she responded in our group chat (which includes the other bridesmaids, who didn’t know about the earlier convo) saying she wouldn’t be able to come due to work.
But in our previous conversation, she made it clear it was about the ability to travel with Charlie. I also know she has “use-it-or-loose-it” vacation time, so the excuse doesn’t really add up.
I completely understand that people have their own lives and relationships, and I’m not asking anyone to drop everything for me. But I haven’t asked for much—just a day with my closest friends before the wedding.
One bridesmaid is pregnant and is still making the effort to be there, I’ve kept cost low (dresses were under $100, and they got to pick what made them feel their best), and I’ve tried to be low-maintenance through the entire wedding planning process.
So…AITA for feeling hurt and even considering ending this friendship? I feel like she’s choosing a boyfriend of less than six months over showing up for me, and it’s making me question how much she really values our friendship.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA for feeling hurt but ending the friendship is a definite overreaction as she isn’t necessary an AH either. I get that it’s your big life event but let’s take this from her perspective.
There are 4 girls - of them you are getting married, and the other 2 both just got married and live in state, one of those 2 is pregnant. This leave Jenna, who you describe as not having the best romantic past and who is the only bridesmaid traveling from out of state for the wedding.
Make sure to let her know that you’re hurt…But we all have been in the “honey moon phase” of the beginning of relationships where you want to drop all and everything to be with the person. Could be a second strike instead of a deal breaker. If she misses the rehearsal dinner, third strike and she’s out after the wedding (a lot of hustle to be out of a bride’s maid the night before the event)
NTA. Ur not asking for much from a supposed friend of years. I would talk to her about this, cuz ur right it doesn't add up. But I would also consider that it sounds like u have prioritized her far more than she has u.
I don't think anyone is TA here. Traveling for a wedding can be trying especially when it's for an event on a work day. It's sad she isn't making it for the bachelorette day, but she's going to be there for the rehearsal and wedding. So yes, it's disappointing. I wouldn't end a friendship over it.
NTA. Only suggestion I have is 2 bridesmaids are better than 3. Whether or not you univite her all together up to you. You are her friend she is not your friend. Its a one sided friendship not worth keeping or at least I wouldn't.
NTA. She's being really inconsiderate of your feelings and she's clearly going on a trip with Charlie. One solution would be to ask her to step down as a bridesmaid and just attend as a guest. And then take it from there after the wedding.
She is ditching you for this guy. Don't blame you to dump her from this. You are not asking a lot.
I’ve been in three weddings at least and almost all of them included people that the brides no longer talk to any more. She doesn’t seem to value the relationship like you do. You’re NTA and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.